Redshift, Blueshift
by lts29
Summary: Bella Cullen, struggling with an immortality she never asked for, meets the newly orphaned Edward Masen in Forks. AU, BxE. Vampire Bella and human Edward.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No profit has been made from this story.  
**

"Bella, you need to come to Forks."

Alice's shrill, insistent voice still rang in my ears. The conversation where she convinced me to give the Cullen family one more shot before fully striking out on my own was one that I had been expecting for some time. We had tried to make an honest go of it several times. I had thought that last time was, well, the last time, but apparently I was mistaken.

"Things will work out for you this time. I promise."

Alice had never made that promise before. I assumed that she had had a vision of things 'working out for me,' which prompted the call in the first place. The problem was that her definition of working out and my definition of working out were most likely at odds with each other.

"I think everybody understands better what went wrong last time, and we're all willing to change how things are done around here to make you more comfortable."

This was the problem. I didn't want people to change because of me. Who was I to force a family of six unchanging vampires into modifying who they fundamentally were so that I could fit in better? I've never wanted to fit in. What I wanted was to be alone, in a place where I could be myself.

"It's not healthy for you to be alone."

I had to disagree. The Cullens didn't quite realize it, but they were the freaks of the vampire world, and not just for their vegetarian ways. Three mated couples, living together, and playing at being human. One of them was a doctor. A doctor for humans! Up to his elbows in blood every day. Most vampires they had met over the years had thought this was a clever ruse that Carlisle was pulling in order to pacify his victims. After all, every doctor, no matter how good, loses a few patients along the way. These other vampires thought that Carlisle was skimming off the top, in the last place that a human dying would be unusual. The racuous laughter of most vampires when they discovered the truth was just another embarrasing aspect of being included in the Cullen clan.

"I miss you. Please come home."

And that is what did it. I couldn't deny Alice. Of anything. Ever. It was painful, physically painful, every time that I had made the decision to leave. She would immediately see it, and she would pretend to understand the reasons why. But, in the end, she never truly understood. From the moment of her awakening as a vampire, she had been on two separate, but complementary missions: find Jasper and become a part of the Cullen family.

Honestly, I had never understood why Alice would have these two particular visions. Okay, the Jasper one, with the love and the soulmates, and all that jazz, I could kind of understand. But the Cullens? This had always raised interesting, yet ultimately discomfiting questions about fate for me, which Alice never seemed to struggle with. I envied Alice. Jasper and the Cullens were in her future. No questions asked. She didn't need to know why. All she wanted to know was how and when. However, for the rest of us mere immortals, life was a little less certain.

And now, I was halfway through a thirty-hour drive, from the depths of Canada to Forks, Washington, all in order to fulfill a heretofore unknown vision of an overly-confident psychic vampire. It was demented and would most likely result in permanent psychological scars for me, but, on some level, I knew that I desperately wanted to be accepted and loved by the Cullens. Or, maybe, I just wanted to be accepted and loved by someone, regardless of who they were. Maybe it wasn't so much that I didn't want to be alone, just that I didn't want to be with the Cullens.

Neither willing nor wanting to contemplate my failures any longer, I flipped on the stereo, restarting the audio book that had stopped the last time I got gas. The next fifteen hours passed quickly enough, with the occasional stops for gas and listening to the dulcet tones of Jim Dale reading about my favorite boy wizard.

I pulled up to the Cullen house at four o'clock in the morning, just four hours before we were due to be in school for the first day of senior year. Emmett and Rosalie had graduated the year before, but were still hanging around Forks with the rest of the family.

I stepped inside, inwardly cringing at the barrage of family members that were sure to swoop down on me at any moment. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find the living room empty and silent. Maybe they had made an effort to change for me. It seems they understood that bringing out the fatted calf would only make me feel more uncomfortable and out of place.

Emmett wandered slowly down the stairs, carrying an astronomy textbook in one hand and a hand-written calendar in the other.

"Hey, Emmett."

"Hey, Bella."

"What are you looking at?"

"Oh, Alice marked down all the days that the weather would be clear at night for me on this calendar. That way I know when I can stargaze and can plan out what I want to look for in advance."

This sounded like the perfect place to make an effort. "Would you mind if I tagged along one night?"

"That would be awesome. Sometimes, it's a little hard making out the constellations, just because we can see so many more stars, but it's not too hard once you get the hang of it."

"Okay, that sounds really cool. Thanks."

"No problem. Welcome back, by the way."

I just smiled, as I carried my two bags up the stairs. Alice met me on the second floor landing, with a big smile and a firm hug.

"Hello, sister."

"Hi, Alice."

"Come this way," she said, indicating up the stairs towards the third floor. I followed obediently, equal parts timid and excited about what my new room would look like.

"Esme spent a lot of time working on your room for you."

It wasn't said, but the message was clear: Don't be ungrateful like you have been previously. This was perhaps unfair. I had never meant to be ungrateful, but it was hard to tell a family that you really didn't want anything to do with them. It had a way of coming across wrong, especially to the more sensitive types, like Esme. Then again, maybe it wasn't so unfair. Again, I sensed ample room for improvement.

"I'll be sure to thank her…Thanks, Esme."

"You're welcome, Bella. I'll be up in just a minute," Esme called, from somewhere two floors below.

By this time, Alice and I were standing in front of the only door on the third floor.

"Ready?"

I nodded, already disliking the unneeded suspense of the room unveiling. It was a room. I was sure it would be fine and more than likely, Alice had already seen my positive reaction.

Opening the door and spinning inside all in one motion, Alice asked if I liked it. I poked my head in timidly, finding deep blue walls with silver accessories sprinkled throughout the room. I had not had time to pack up my books the last time I had left and the Cullens had apparently kept them, since they were now arranged according to height and color on the shelves against one wall, creating a repeating spectrum across the wall of bookshelves. The wall opposite was made entirely of windows. It was nice, and I said as much to Alice.

"Well, I'll leave you alone. We are going to leave for school precisely at 7:34, so be ready to go then."

Alice held the door open for Esme. I sat quickly on my off-white leather couch, hoping that Esme wouldn't see my ruse to avoid her hug for what it was. Her hugs made me uncomfortable. They were too cloying and suffocating. Esme was under the impression that I needed a mother. I didn't, but there was no way of saying this that wouldn't hurt her feelings. And hurting Esme Cullen's feelings was verboten in the Cullen house. If she noticed, she didn't comment on it.

"Hello, Bella. It's so nice to see you again."

"Thank you, Esme. It's nice to see you, too." It was sort of the truth. Close enough for government work, anyway.

"How's the cabin?" Ahh, my cabin. I already missed it.

"It's fine. Small, but it suits me. I have a very large library. It's…peaceful."

"Oh good. I wished I could have helped you with setting it up..."

Esme was the undisputed master of the guilt trip. I decided to remain silent, instead of trying to think up a civil response. After a few seconds, when it became abundantly clear that I wasn't going to say anything, she continued on.

"Irina found a mate."

What? _What?_ Irina, who had proudly celebrated a thousand years of being single and free recently, who had gleefully regalled me with stories of crushing men to death with her pelvis alone, who was the origin of the succubus myth, had found a mate. She had told me, personally, that she never wanted a mate. She said it would hold her back, keep her from pursuing the one thing that made her life worthwhile, namely sex with different man after different man. I wasn't angry necessarily, just extremely jealous.

"Oh, good for her. Who's the lucky guy?" It sounded fake, even to my own ears.

"His name's Laurent. He came through here with two other vampires last March. He seemed interested in our lifestyle, so we sent him up to Denali. By all accounts, they fell in love at first sight, and he's adjusting well to our lifestyle." Esme looked so delightfully happy about this vampire love story.

"And what about the other two vampires?"

"James and Victoria, a mated pair. They were less willing to adopt our ways. But, we played baseball with them one afternoon and then invited them back to the house. They seemed very interested in the fact that we had settled in one place and were interacting with humans."

"Okay."

I didn't know what else to say. There really wasn't much to say. Sure, I was happy for Irina, but more than that, I was sad for myself. I had never been particularly close to our Alaskan "cousins," and I could never quite figure out if I was completely appalled or completely turned on by their promiscuous ways. I had briefly thought about trying to seduce a human, but decided my attempt would be more humorous than arousing. And what was the point anyway? After a good hunt, with all that fresh blood pounding through me, I would be aroused. But by the time I returned home, a good book sounded more interesting than doing anything about my arousal. I had more than a sneaking suspicion that even if I did scratch that itch, either with someone else or on my own, it would just wind up making me more lonely when it was all over. No, I wanted something permanent.

Esme took her leave, obviously seeing my need for peace and quiet before school started. I was not looking forward to going through high school again. Not counting my original, human stint in high school, I had only attended three other times. I was consistently amazed that the Cullens moved from town to town, going to high school again and again. The sheer thought of it was mind-numbing.

But, I had promised Alice that I would make the effort. I was trying to turn over a new leaf. The smell of new and uncomfortable fabrics was wafting towards me from the closet, so I bypassed it completely. I changed out of my dirty clothes and put on some jeans, a t-shirt and tennis shoes that I pulled from my duffel bag. I ran a brush through my hair, and went downstairs, through the kitchen to the garage. I was sitting in the backseat of Alice's Audi at 7:29.

Alice and Jasper came out at 7:33 and we took off exactly at 7:34, just like Alice knew we would.

I was ready to face my fifth first day of senior year.


	2. Chapter 2

We pulled up to Forks High School, gaining quite a bit of attention as Alice took the corner on two wheels, cackling all the way. The Cullens tried to pretend they were inconspicuous, but that was mostly a joke. Alice and Jasper glided gracefully out of the car. Perhaps it was because I knew the difference, but their movements screamed "vampire." I attempted to get out of the car with somewhat less than my usual grace. I contemplated tripping, but decided against it, knowing that I probably couldn't pull it off.

Jasper wandered away to get our schedules, clearing a wide swath through the gathered high school students. Some buried part of their brain was informing them that they were in the company of a superior predator and they acted accordingly.

Alice explained our cover story under her breath. The gist? I was Bella…Cullen. I hated that name. Bella Cullen, adopted sister to Emmett and Alice Cullen and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. I had been at a European boarding school for the last few years, but moved to Forks for my senior year to be with my siblings and prepare for American university. I was the last to be adopted by the fine doctor and his wife, and had a history of academic brilliance but social inadequacy. Not enough to be called into the counselor's office, but just enough to explain my surliness, as Alice diplomatically put it. _Thanks, Carlisle_, I thought wryly.

Alice and I started to walk towards the front doors of the school, where Jasper was now waiting. Alice said hello to an auburn-haired boy that had just gotten out of an incredibly out of place, late model Volvo.

"Hi, Edward!" He nodded his head at Alice, looked me over and turned back to the car to get his bag. "That's Edward Masen."

"Okay." I resisted the urge to ask why I was supposed to care.

"His parents were murdered in Seattle in the spring."

"That's…horrible." And, I was truly horrified by this. Both parents? So, he was an orphan. It was incredibly sad, and I felt immediately empathetic to his plight. Poor kid. I looked back at him, but he was looking past us with a strange grimace on his face.

With a muted thud, I ran right into a human. Of course, the human fell over, whereas I remained perfectly still. At the last moment, I attempted to make it look like I, at least, wobbled a little.

"Wow, sorry about that." A scrawny, blond boy was picking himself up off the ground. He looked utterly confused and I was stupid enough to catch Alice's eye. She looked extremely amused and her effort to hide her laughter was making it difficult to hide my own.

"That's okay. It was my fault. I wasn't looking where I was going." He smelled horrible. Not his blood necessarily; no, that smelled just as edible as any other blood. It was his overall smell. There was just something off-putting about teenage boys. They sweated all the time, and it was typically that pungent, nervous sweat, mixed with their almost overpowering hormones. I supposed, if I was so inclined, I could feed from him, but it would be something of a chore.

"Don't worry about it. You must work out or something. You're pretty solid." This didn't sound like a compliment. No woman, vampire or not, wants to be told that they're 'solid.' However, it was clear that he meant it as one, judging by the way that his eyes roamed my body, lingering on my chest, even after I started talking again.

"Yep, I work out…a lot." It was as good an explanation as any. Behind him, Alice was striking muscle-man poses. Any wayward awkwardness that might have remained between us was diffused. I let out a slightly hysterical giggle. It did feel good to be back in Alice's good graces.

"Oh, I'm Mike Newton, btw."

"B-T-W?" I was now the confused one.

"Yeah, it's slang. It means 'by the way'."

"Okay." He stood there, looking awkward for several seconds before it dawned on me what I was supposed to be doing.

"I'm Bella Cullen, btw." See, I was hip with the lingo.

"It was nice to meet you. I guess I'll see you around, Bella." Again, with the lingering.

This time Alice saved me. "Bye, Mike." She pulled me toward Jasper again. As we passed Edward Masen, he shot me a conspiratorial smile, like he was in on the joke with Alice and I.

The smile was wiped off his face, when Mike approached him.

"Did you see that, Masen? I totally talked to the new girl. She's so hot." We were out of human hearing range, but nowhere close to out of vampire, and I couldn't help the scowl that crossed my face.

Edward didn't look all too pleased, either. "Mike, I really don't want to hear about how attractive you think women are in general or in specific." With that, he headed into the nearest building, leaving Mike looking both scolded and offended. It was an interesting, albeit unattractive look.

The day passed uneventfully. I garnered undue attention, based, I guessed, on a combination of my looks, my last name and my status as "new girl." The Cullens always attracted attention; it was a part of the lure. I could easily convince any person, man or woman, to follow me out of the school into the woods, where, if I was so inclined, I could kill them. But, I had a strong moral compass, and eating humans just wasn't in the offing. I thought about the nomads Esme had told me about, James and Victoria. I had never met them, but I could imagine their lives. Luring humans away, feeding, having a lot of great sex, then moving on to the next victim. Lather, rinse, repeat. That lifestyle, which was so suited to our very nature as vampires, had great appeal. It was easy to take that path, almost too easy. No, it was harder to do the right thing, which meant that all my physical lures went to waste, except to attract the blatant ogling of smelly, teenaged boys, and some members of the faculty, if I was being honest. Perverts, the lot of them.

Just as lunch was ending, Jasper headed off to his own class, leaving Alice and I sitting alone. Alice turned to me suddenly, pulling off her cardigan and pointing to an elaborate amalgamation of strings across her back, which seemingly served the purpose of holding the front of her shirt up. It looked…complicated.

"Why would you wear that to school? Surely, that's not allowed by the dress code." I could see almost her entire back through the strings.

"I wear my cardigan over it, so the back doesn't show. Anyway, the left side has come untied. Fix it for me, please?"

I set to work on the left side of her top, while she hummed happily. I was right; it was complicated. I tried to make it match the right side, but gave up quickly. We were going to be late to AP Biology and the stupid thing would be covered by her sweater in any case.

"Okay, it's fixed. Let's go."

I followed Alice out of the lunchroom and into the Biology classroom. She twirled down the left-most aisle. It was a small classroom, with only nine tables, seating two people a piece. Every table but two already contained a pair of people. At the back, one table held a tall, pretty girl wearing cute glasses, whereas the other was occupied by the orphan boy from the parking lot, Edward Masen.

I was busy contemplating a gift to give to Alice. She was a good friend; a sister. I didn't need to get her something expensive to show her I cared, just something that would suit her that she didn't already have. A kind of 'thanks for accepting me back into the fold' type of gift. As she danced down the aisle, it hit me. Fairy wings. They would most likely look sickeningly cute on her, but she would love them. I could see her prancing around the house in them. Of course, she immediately had the vision of her receiving the gift. She executed what looked suspiciously like a textbook pirouette, and met my eye with a wildly happy look. All she could do was nod her head empathetically at me to indicate her eagerness at receiving this gift. I rolled my eyes.

She moved up the aisle quickly, sitting down with the girl, which left me sitting next to Edward. His head was down and he seemed to be devoting an inordinate amount of his focus to his idle doodling. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to make conversation with Edward or not. Would someone normally talk to the person they're sharing a table with? As I was spiraling into self-doubt about my ability to play human, Alice had launched into a conversation with her table mate like they were life-long friends.

"Hi, Angela! I like your hair longer like that. It's really cute."

"Oh, thanks, Alice. I actually just haven't had time to cut it recently. I've been taking care of my little brothers all summer, while my mom organized Vacation Bible School at the church."

I could tell by Alice's face that she had no clue what Vacation Bible School was; Angela seemed unaware, though, and Alice had apparently decided not to question her about it.

"Well, that sounds very nice of you. You should keep it long though." Apparently, Alice's bossiness extended to people outside of her family.

"Okay, I guess I will. Hey, listen, I can switch with your sister if you want, so you guys can be lab partners. I wouldn't mind at all."

"Nah. I see Bella all the time." That's not true at all. Before this morning, we hadn't seen each other in seven years, but I guess Angela didn't need to know that. "Anyway, we aced that history project last year, right?"

I realized that I was unapologetically eavesdropping on their conversation, and I decided that I ought to make similar small talk with my own lab table. I looked to Edward, but he was completely ignoring me. This was so hard! I wished that I had sat down next to Angela. _She seems like such a nice human._ That thought brought me up short. It sounded, even to my own ears, like something a human would say about a prospective pet, not something they would say about a prospective friend. This only confirmed in my mind that I needed to befriend a human…a person. This Edward guy seemed like the best bet. We had to sit together every day and would be forced to talk. He would make an excellent guinea pig for this human interaction experiment. No, not a guinea pig. Guinea pigs were pets. I was already failing. I turned to Edward, but was interrupted.

"Bella Cullen." Mr. Banner was looking at me expectantly.

"Yes?"

"Would you come to the front and introduce yourself?"

I trudged up to the front of the class. "I'm Bella Cullen." Honestly, this seemed a bit redundant. I gave a curt nod and turned to go back to my seat.

I was stopped by another question. "And why did you move to Forks?" _Seriously?_ Was this teacher actually fishing for gossip in front of the entire class, from the object of the gossip herself? I didn't know whether I should admire his temerity or deck him.

"To be closer to my family." And that was that. I refused to answer any more questions, and went immediately back to my seat.

Alice seemed non-plussed by this whole exchange, and, as I passed, she whispered a request to me. "Make them green, okay?" The fairy wings. That is what she was concerned about. How sensitive of her, and how very Alice of her.

"Okay, class, since it's the first day, I think you should spend a few minutes getting to know your lab partners. You'll be partnered all year, so it would be a good idea to on friendly terms."

Oh, good. An opening.

"Hi, I'm Bella Cullen." That was good. Let's just get the basics out of the way.

"I know. You just introduced yourself to the whole class, plus every one in school knows who you are." It wasn't rude exactly. Just extremely matter of fact. He went on. "And I know you know my name, because I heard your sister tell you this morning, along with details of my tragic past." Okay, so that last part was a little rude. That's okay. I could build on rude.

"I gathered that the death of your parents, while undeniably tragic, was not exactly a secret. I apologize if Alice was a bit tactless, but she wasn't gossiping. Just stating fact."

He looked at me for a long moment, before wordlessly returning to his doodling. Was the conversation over? I reviewed it quickly. I didn't think I did anything wrong. In fact, he seemed to be the one who lacked the requisite social skills. I was strangely reassured that maybe Edward and I were equally bad at this sort of thing. It also made me wonder how much of his demeanor was a result of the death of his family and how much was there before. I guessed I would never know for sure, but it did make me curious. I decided to try again.

"So, what do you do for fun?" That seemed like a good place to start.

"Listen to music."

"Oh, what's your favorite band?"

"At the moment, the Cure." The Cure? Had he even been alive in their heyday?

"Mmm…feeling maudlin, are we?" I was trying to tease him, and I hoped that he would pick up on that. Obviously, he was maudlin, and with good reason.

He cracked a smile. It made his face look nice. In fact, even when he wasn't smiling, his face looked nice. And not just nice for a human. He was, at least, in the top forty most handsome men I had ever seen, vampire or human. That was saying something. He had a very classic-looking face, and that was, in general, the type I preferred. The best part, though? He didn't smell like a teenage boy. No nervous sweat. Some hormones, but every guy had that to some degree, no matter what the age. He was a vast improvement over the likes of Mike Newton. Yes, he would be a good human to befriend. But, it appeared I would have to take this slowly. He didn't seem like the talkative type.

I was surprised when he spoke again after a minute of silence.

"So, what do you do for fun?"

"I read."

"What's your favorite book?" That was an incredibly hard question.

"Well, I'm not sure what my absolute favorite book ever is, but I can tell you one that I find interesting at the moment." I looked at him, to confirm that he wanted to hear this.

"Okay."

"The name of the book is _Wicked_. Have you heard of it?" He shook his head. "So, it's a book based on the world of L. Frank Baum. It's set in Oz, and it's main character is the Wicked Witch of the West. You know, the green one?" He nodded. I noted with delight that he looked mildly interested.

"What do you like about it?"

"Well, she's green, so she's different from every one else, even in this world where a lot of things are strange. The story is essentially about how she learns to cope with being an outsider in her own world. I can relate, in some ways."

"Hmm, I think I could get behind a story whose moral is that 'it ain't easy bein' green'."

For a second, all I could do was stare. And then I just laughed, because that was hilarious. I laughed harder than I had in a long time. Living alone, I never laughed much, especially not out loud. It was probably Emmett, a decade ago, that had last make me laugh like this. Edward just kind of gaped at me, as I threw my head back. He looked a little dazed, and I decided to pull it back a bit. It probably hadn't been that funny in the first place. Before I could stop though, he started to laugh with me. It was deep and rich and it sounded just lovely, to be honest.

He was looking at me and I was looking at him. We were in some sort of bubble, where just the two of us existed, laughing. I was happy. That hit me like a Mack truck. I hadn't been happy in a long time. Possibly since the late seventies. I was looking at this human, with the classic, nice-looking face, who had lost his parents but could still smile when teased and laugh without a care with me, and I was happy. I stopped laughing. And started freaking out.


	3. Chapter 3

Class started soon after, and I prayed to every deity possible that Edward hadn't noticed my slight mental breakdown. After class, Edward picked up his bag, nodded at me with a tight-lipped smile and exited quickly out the door behind him. I, on the other hand, slowly gathered my things and turned to Alice. I was hoping I could get all this off my chest. I was still panicked.

Vampires mate for life. It is a truism of our kind. Don't tell humans, don't hunt in the same place too long, be nice to other vampires (but not too nice), and when we find our mate, it's over. It's instantaneous, intense, and permanent. And it just happened to me in a high school biology class in the rainiest place in the Continental United States. With a human boy. Could that happen? Carlisle had always hypothesized that vampires mate for life because two vampires working together is better than going solo. They watch each other's back, ensuring their survival. There's no census in the vampire world, but it's a commonly-held notion that mated pairs last longer than single vampires.

Edward couldn't protect me. He was weaker than I was. If anything, pursuing a relationship with him would mean that he would be in constant danger and constantly requiring my protection. It would be lopsided. Not equal. And that would not do at all.

I had been walking next to Alice in a kind of daze. I needed to talk to her about all of this. I looked over and literally stopped when I saw the look on her face. She looked…smug. Really smug. Like she knew exactly what was going on. But of course she did. She's a seer. She had orchestrated this whole thing. Got me to Forks, made us late for biology, took the seat next to Angela, told me about Edward's parents this morning. All of it. She knew. I was moving past dazed and into full-blown righteous anger at light speed.

"You! Argh." It was all I could say at the moment. She continued looking smug. "I have a Spanish class to get to. We are going to talk about this later." I was pissed. I hated not knowing about things related to my life. My entire vampire life was a lesson in unwillingly giving up control to other people. It was frustrating and exactly the reason I had left every other time.

After spending all class trying in vain to figure out what I was going to do about this situation, I headed to the parking lot. Edward was there, standing with a very pretty blonde girl outside of his Volvo. They were standing very close to each other and seemed to be talking about something intensely. I hated her. She could be his sister for all I knew, but it didn't matter. No one stood that close to Edward, except me. Well, one day I would stand that close, because I hadn't yet. Oh God, what if she was his girlfriend? With vampires, the mating things is pretty much always mutual, but what about with a human? That conversation in biology might have meant nothing at all, other than a funny story to tell his pretty, human girlfriend. He might not want me at all. Ever. Well, now I was just crushed.

I got into the Audi without saying a word and just sat in the backseat with my head tilted to look out the back window. Alice and Jasper didn't say anything the entire ride, either to me or each other.

I decided to take my mind off my boy problems by rearranging my library. This arranging the books in descending height and color thing was the worst system I could think of, but it did look nice, so I assumed it was Alice's work. I spent the next few hours, isolated in my room, trying not to think about Edward. It worked for the most part, until I got to my old copy of _Wicked_. I put it in my school bag to give to Edward tomorrow. Then I spent an hour spinning fantasies about Edward and I laying in bed, talking about books and laughing. It was pleasant, until I realized, oh yeah, I was a vampire and he was my natural food source. We shouldn't be lying in beds together. I should be eating him.

I wandered down the stairs to find Alice. Maybe yelling at her for a while would make me feel better. I doubted it, but I at least wanted to test out my theory. She was alone in her room, thank God, and invited me in when I knocked.

"So, I guess I found a mate." I could hear the sharp intake of breath from Esme's study. I would have to take care of that later too. Oh well, there were no secrets in the Cullen house. Yet another reason not to hang around the Cullens. "And I gathered that you knew about it and lured me back to Forks under the pretenses of reconciling with the family. You lied to me, Alice. It's one thing not to share visions of me that you have with me, but you have manipulated this whole situation to suit your own version of a happy ending. He's human, Alice. Mortal, able to die, and I am a killing machine." I had been increasing in volume throughout my tirade and I was up to full shouting mode by the time I had to stop to take a breath.

"You won't hurt him."

"You can't possibly know that."

"Yes, I c…"

I cut her off. Alice believed her visions to be infallible and it blinded her. "No, you can't know that. The best you can say is that I have made the decision not to consciously hurt Edward, but accidents happen. Especially with fragile humans and super-strong vampires."

I felt defeated. I plopped down in a chair, just as Jasper made an appearance. He gave me a long look, sensing my tumultuous emotions. I immediately felt calmer.

"Will you fucking stop that, Jasper? The problem is that I don't understand my emotions in this situation, so you suppressing them won't do a damn bit of good. Just deal with the fact that I'm having real emotions." I rarely cursed, but Jasper brought out the worst in me. Which was all sorts of ironic, considering what his gift was.

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Could I have my say now?"

"Go for it, Alice."

"First, this is a good thing." I must have looked incredulous, because she continued on even more vehemently. "It is. It's a very good thing. You won't be alone anymore. You've been through a lot, and I know you feel like none of it was your choice, and I'm sorry about that. You know that I've always acted in your best interests. I want you to be happy. I didn't lie. I just told you that things would work out. It was open-ended, but not a lie."

"But why didn't you just tell me?"

"I was going to. Had made the decision and everything. Except when I decided to tell you that you find your mate in Forks, the future with you and Edward together disappeared. I had to make a choice. Withholding the truth on the chance that this could make you happy, or tell you the truth and ruin it completely. I just hoped that you would think, eventually, that it was the right decision."

What could I say to that? Alice was being so heartfelt and honest, and I really couldn't argue with her motives. Well, that took the wind right out of my sails.

"Alright."

"It'll work out. I really do promise. It's a solid vision. As long as you're around and willing to make it work, it will work. Don't let your fears stand in your way."

"Okay. You want to hunt?" This conversation was headed into dangerous waters. I didn't want to talk about my fears. No thank you.

"No thanks. Jasper and I are just going to hang out alone for a while." I had been ignoring Jasper since I had snapped at him, and I saw no reason to stop now. "You should ask Esme and Rosalie, though. I think they need to hunt."

With a nod, I exited the room and went downstairs. Esme and Rosalie were both in the living room, pretending not to be waiting for me. It was the first time since I had come back that I had seen Rosalie.

"Hello, Rosalie, Esme."

Rosalie looked up at me, then unabashedly scanned my body from head to toe.

"Are you eating enough?" Rosalie said, sharply. Like Esme, she saw in me someone who needed mothering, and, like Esme, I had rebuffed her attempts at being maternal. It didn't stop either from trying, of course, but Rosalie's brand of maternal concern came with a healthy dose of, well, bitchiness. It was an interesting combination that had left me flummoxed on more than one occasion, including now.

"I live on a nature preserve in Canada. All I do is eat and read. I'm fine." Of course, I acted like a petulant teenager around her, which just cemented her notions that I needed a mother figure.

"Bella, I can see how black your eyes are. I know you're not eating enough." It was true, I hadn't eaten in a while. I had been called to Forks at the last minute and hadn't had time to hunt between closing up my cabin and organizing everything to start over in a new identity. However, it would do no good to tell Rosalie any of this, so I let her have her maternal moment. "Well, let's go now. You can tell me about this boy."

Esme looked like she was about to break into song at the mention of my…mate. Why was that hard to say? Oh right, I had no idea if he returned my feelings. I honestly wasn't even sure what my feelings were. There didn't seem to be a whole lot of choice for either or us in this matter. But, then I remembered how happy I had been laughing with him. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. I wouldn't mind having that feeling all the time. He had looked happy, too. Did I do that? Had I made him happy? Well, that made me even happier. This seemed like quite the pleasant self-perpetuating cycle. Is that what love is? Being happy that the other person is happy. I remembered how horrified I had been when I had found out his parents had died. It seemed his unhappiness made me unhappy. That settled some things, then. I would try to make him happy. While I was pondering all of this, Esme hugged me, and this time I allowed it, mostly because it caught me off guard.

"I'm so happy for you, dear. I knew it would happen someday. Now the family's complete."

Was _she_ happy because I was happy? Did she love me? This having a mate thing was raising a lot of uncomfortable questions for me.

Deflect. "So, you want to hunt?"

"Of course. Come on."

With that, they led me out the back door and showed me where to hunt and the local fauna whose ranks needed to be culled. It was nice, hunting with other vampires for a change. Rosalie and I raced each other, with me just barely winning. Esme and I teamed up on a large buck. It was freeing, being with my vampire family, doing vampire things. It was when we tried to play human with each other that things got complicated.

It was when they started the motherly advice that I really got fed up. _Make sure he treats you right. Boys are only after one thing. If he doesn't hold open doors for you, he's not a gentleman. You're a lady and you should be treated as such. He should court you, not the other way around. Don't try too hard, you'll look over-eager. Let him come to you. And Bella, don't argue with him too much, it's not becoming. _On and on, it went.

Some of it was okay. The part about him treating me right and…no, that was pretty much it. It was a very real reminder that Esme and Rosalie were from a different era than me. In their day, women couldn't be too forward and the man was expected to court the woman. I wasn't even sure if Edward would know what 'courting' meant. I certainly didn't. Did it involve flowers? Reading poetry? I had no idea.

I made the executive decision to ignore pretty much everything that Esme and Rosalie had just told me about boys and dating. I would go Sinatra style. I would do it my way. Starting tomorrow, in the parking lot, with _Wicked_.


	4. Chapter 4

I felt like I was thirteen years old, clutching my book, about to talk to a cute boy. Did he like me? Would he be my valentine? All that sort of stuff. It would have made me sick, if I hadn't been feeling extremely nervous about this whole thing. Jasper had tried to send me some emotional encouragement. I growled and he ceased and desisted, but not without rolling his eyes first.

Edward pulled into the parking lot thirty seconds after we had, and parked where we would have to walk by to get to class. This was perfect. I could casually wander over. Say something witty. Give him the book. Maybe smile a bit. I could totally flirt. People did it all the time.

I continued this pep talk as I walked as nonchalantly as I could manage over to his car. He had gotten out at this point. Just then, I noticed the blonde girl walking over to him, too. She had the better angle though. I was closer, but had the whole car to walk around. She, on the other hand, had a straight shot. She made eye contact with me at this point. She knew he was mine; that I had set my sights on him, but she decided she didn't care and went for him anyway. If she was a vampire, I would have every right to kill her for taking my prey. It was just rude. But she wasn't a vampire, and Edward was definitely not prey. She was a very pretty, human girl who may or may not be his girlfriend. At the very least, they had more than a passing connection, seeing how I always saw them together.

"Hi, Edward. Did you have a good night? I know that you have a hard time sleeping sometimes." Her face looked sympathetic, but she looked at me as she said this. She was not so subtly telling me that she knew more about him than I did.

Edward, however, was a shrewd man and it didn't escape him that she had been looking at me. He looked to me, too, and then glanced down at the book still clutched stupidly to my chest. He smiled, but then turned back to the girl.

"Hi, Lauren. I'm fine."

And that was it. He walked away. He didn't like her. Victory for me! However, the sense of victory was dampened by the fact that he hadn't come to talk to me. That was okay, though. Baby steps. My next move would happen at lunch.

Unfortunately, I discovered Lauren was in my third period gym class. She attempted to intimidate me by glaring at me from across the locker room, but it didn't quite work. I wasn't the strongest or scariest vampire, but I was still a vampire. And her human anger just really didn't hold a candle to the things I had seen and done.

At lunch, I timed my arrival to coincide perfectly with Edward's. This involved only a little bit of following behind him. How else was I supposed to catch him in the lunch line?

"Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Bella. How are you?" A question should not make me feel this giddy.

"I'm great. How are you?"

"Fine." That's what he had said to Lauren, too. _Oh, no_. I was on the same level as Lauren.

"I brought that book I told you about. _Wicked_? I thought you might want to borrow it." This was such a stupid idea. Why would he want to borrow it? So he could learn more about me? I was ridiculous.

"Really? That's nice of you, but not necessary." Agh. Cold, cold rejection. It hurt. "My mom actually had the book in her library, so I just got it from there." What? Sweet, sweet redemption. I soared. He had thought about me last night, or at least, thought about that book, enough to go track it down. And it sounded like he was reading it.

"Oh, okay. Well, if you want to talk about it, when you're done reading, that would be cool." Lame. I was also smiling like an idiot, showing entirely too many sharp teeth. He seemed to be in a trance, and I heard his heart rate pick up and the beginnings of nervous sweat. Shit. I was scaring him. _Pull it back, Bella. _"Jasper and Alice are waiting, so I should head over. See you in biology." The departure was abrupt, but I didn't want him being afraid of me. That would not do at all.

As I walked away, I heard Mike Newton's voice from behind me. "Damn, Masen. You got the new girl all over you. She totally wants you. You could totally hit that." _Hit _that? No way. Why would Newton be advocating violence against women? Was he really that much of a sick bastard? He had struck me as an overzealous, smelly teenage boy with a less than stellar vocabulary, but not a sadist. Anyway, Edward would be the one to be hurt if he tried to hit me.

"Mike, don't talk about women like that. It's completely disrespectful." Edward sounded really angry.

"Bella, you're confused."

"Yes, Jasper, I am confused. Why is Mike telling Edward to hit me?" Alice and Jasper just laughed at me.

"Bella, 'hit that' is a euphemism for sex." Oh. Oh! I wondered if Edward wanted to have sex with me. Did I want Edward to want to have sex with me? Did I want to have sex with Edward? Now was not the time to be pondering that. I glanced over at Edward. He was sitting at the same table as Lauren, but not next to her. Everyone was talking and laughing, but Edward was eating quietly at one end.

"Jasper, could you tell me what Edward's feeling at the moment?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, why would I be kidding?"

"For practically your entire existence, you have been getting bent out of shape because of my ability, and now that you got yourself a boyfriend, you don't mind so much. You're a hypocrite."

"Look, you arrogant asshole, I don't begrudge you your gift. What I object to is you putting me into an emotion-induced stupor for the first year of my existence." I was hissing at sub-human levels, but the one nice thing about arguing with an empath was the fact that he knew exactly how pissed off I was, no matter how quiet I had to be. "And, then you abandoned me to go off and play with your friends, and deal with my own heightened emotions for the first time without your assistance. We both know the consequences that resulted from that."

"We were doing what we thought was best for you and you're too stubborn to take responsibility for your own mistakes."

"You were afraid is what you were. You didn't think the Cullens could handle the newborn vampire with all her scary, out-of-control emotions." And, with that, a wave of calmness broke over me. I wanted to want to kill Jasper, but I couldn't muster that feeling under all the fake calmness.

"Control yourself, Bella, or I will do it for you."

"How dare you! I am not a child and you are not my father. I have a right to my emotions, whatever they may be. Frankly, I think you don't know how to handle women with strong emotions without the benefit of your gift. Well, I'm not some woman who can be controlled so easily. It's misogynistic and old-fashioned of you to even think that you could control my emotions. Father knows best and all that shit. Right, Jasper?"

"Don't start with your feminist bullshit. It's just not true."

"Would you ever control Carlisle's emotions like you do mine? Or Emmett's?"

"I never need to. They think and act rationally, unlike you."

"Emmett? Act rationally? What world are you living in? No, you don't control their emotions because you think they have the 'correct' emotions. And the only reason you think they're correct is because they reflect your own. Mine, on the other hand, are 'wrong' because you can't understand them. That doesn't make them wrong, you idiot, just different."

With that, I picked my tray up and left the lunchroom. This was not a new argument. Not by a long shot. I was stuck, though. Before, this would have been all the catalyst it would take for me to pack up and leave the Cullens. But now, there was Edward to think about. I had to stay.

I stomped into the biology classroom and flopped dramatically into my seat. I could afford some histrionics, since there was no one around. I pulled out my notebook and book, realizing that I still had twenty minutes until class started. Just as I was debating whether or not to read through the biology book, the door opened. I was sure that it was Alice, coming to make the peace between Jasper and I, so I was pleasantly surprised when it was Edward standing in the door. He, on the other hand, did not look at all surprised to see me.

"Hello again, Bella."

"Hi."

"That was quite the display that you and Jasper put on in the lunchroom." Well, that wasn't good. I had been pretty sure that we were being inconspicuous to the humans around us, but apparently we hadn't been that careful. Edward seemed to notice my slight panic. "Don't worry. I don't think anyone else noticed."

"Why did you notice?"

He blushed very, very slightly. Humans wouldn't have been able to see it, but I could both see it and smell it. It was delightful, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was reacting to. Getting caught, maybe?

"I'm just observant."

"Oh. Okay."

"So, what were you arguing about?" Wasn't it considered poor form to ask such personal questions? He was my mate, so we should probably talk about stuff with each other, but he didn't know that. Maybe he was just nosey.

"Well, I'm the newest member of the family. I was adopted, like the rest of the Cullen kids." Edward nodded. Of course, the Cullen mythology was well known in this small town. "Jasper and some of the others think they know what's best for me, and I feel that they impose their will on me without my consent. They try to make decisions for me. Decisions that I would never make myself and would never assent to, if given the choice." I couldn't tell him the truth, but I did the best I could.

"Well, they are older and have been with your family longer. They know the ropes better, so why wouldn't you listen to them?"

"I never asked to be a part of the Cullens. That was the first choice that was taken away from me. Our relationship didn't start out well, and it hasn't gotten any better. And, I think, as a woman, they think me incapable of making important decisions."

"Really? Sexism seems like a pretty harsh charge against your family. Don't you think it could just be ageism? You are the youngest, right?"

"Well, perhaps it's a combination of the two. The Cullens are very old-fashioned. They think about things differently than I do. Combined with my supposed lack of experience, they sometimes play dictator, or worse, concerned dictator. I just want to finish this last year of high school and get the hell out of dodge." What I didn't add was that I was hoping that I would be taking him with me when I left. There was time for that conversation later.

Edward was looking more and more sad as this conversation was continuing, which did not bode well for my long-term plans.

"Don't you think you should appreciate the family you have? You never know when they might be gone." A-ha. There was the crux of the matter. He was thinking about his own parents. But, our situations were completely different.

"Yes, I think, in general, that one should appreciate their family, but, to be honest with you Edward, I don't really consider the Cullens to be my family. I had a family, but I was taken away from them, against my will. I have tried to make the best of this situation with the Cullens, but I don't think it's going to work out in the end. I appreciate what they have done for me, but it will be best for everyone if I leave quietly at the end of the year."

Edward looked like he wanted to say more, but Mr. Banner walked in and our conversation was cut short. I wondered what Edward thought of me. I hoped that he didn't think too badly of me. I knew perfectly well how I looked from the outside when I made my feelings known about the Cullens. Ungrateful and rude. It didn't help that wherever Carlisle and Esme went, people thought they were saints. But, saints were made for venerating, not living with.


	5. Chapter 5

Alice came into class not too much later. I debated whether or not to make eye contact, but the decision was made for me, when she plopped a folded-up note onto my desk. I looked up, then, trying to appear apologetic, though I doubted how sincere I actually looked. I _was_ sorry for the pain that arguing with Jasper might have caused her, but not the actual argument. I tended to avoid arguing with Alice, but, in her eyes, arguing with Jasper was just as bad.

"Are we okay?"

"Yeah. Read that note though." I unfolded it and began to read. I noticed immediately that it was in Jasper's handwriting. Figuring it was better to be safe than sorry, I opened my textbook and propped up the front cover so that Edward would have to look all the way over it to read the note.

_Bella, _

_Although I do not agree with your assessment of certain past events, I am sorry that they continue to drive a wedge between us. Please let this letter be received as it's intended, namely as a peace offering. I hope that we can start to move beyond some of our past differences. _

_The answer to your original question about the state of Edward's emotions is that they are incredibly complicated. Honestly, they are some of the most complicated emotions I have experienced coming from a human. _

_The baseline emotion that I detect is a kind of muted sadness. It does not read as a sadness that is being actively felt; rather, it is as if he has resigned himself to being permanently sad. Beyond that, there is a general lack of excitement about his situation. It is hard to put this kind of emotion into words, but he is feeling a general disdain for his surroundings. Combined with the sadness, it feels like he is experiencing a kind of malaise. Now, on the surface, when he was talking to you, I felt a number of interesting things. Happiness, nervousness, excitement, admiration, unworthiness (though it seemed like he was trying to suppress that one), and when you turned to pay the cashier, his eyes roamed, and there was definitely lust. When you left, he felt acute sadness, and the feelings of unworthiness came back in full force. _

_The message that you should get from all of this is that he is an emotionally distraught young man, and you make him happy. It seems that he likes you quite a bit. I hope this helps. _

_Sincerely, Jasper_

Below, in Alice's handwriting, was a much shorter note.

_Edward is going to ask you a question after class. You should be patient as he's asking it, because it's a question that you will want to say yes to. –Alice _

There was almost too much information here to process. I made him happy and nervous and excited. But, he was also terribly sad. I hated that part. I would have given my left arm to ensure his happiness. I laughed a little, pondering the potential look on his face if I ripped my arm off and presented it to him. He looked over at me in response to my laughter and again, we locked eyes. He smiled widely before ducking his head back down to look at his notebook. He appeared happy right now. I wondered if he felt as happy in my presence as I did in his. I certainly hoped so.

He liked me. Of that much I was sure. What did I do now, though? I hadn't dated since I was human, and I could barely remember the guys. Anyway, I didn't want to date Edward. I wanted to skip that part and get to the forever part. Dating was awkward and I was sure that I would be doubly awkward at it. I wondered how much Edward had dated. I didn't think he was dating anyone now, but he was a man. A good-looking man, at that. I was sure that he had dated. Was he a virgin? I wasn't sure what I wanted the answer to that one to be.

As Mr. Banner droned on, I noticed that Edward was taking meticulous notes. He seemed very dedicated to school. I, on the other hand, hadn't taken a single note in any of my classes. Other than the brief moment of eye contact and the glorious smile, Edward hadn't looked this way once. That was okay, though. He had a very nice profile and I had very good peripheral vision. It made the hour go by quickly.

Class ended and I made a big show of slowly closing my book and notebook and slowly putting them in my bag. I wanted to give Edward every opportunity to ask me this important question, but he wasn't even looking at me. I glanced at Alice and found that she was gaping at us like we were actors on a stage. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what was going wrong here. Her eyes glazed over for just a second, and a look of comprehension crossed her face. She gave me a quick nod and walked out of the room. Aha. Edward didn't want an audience. I would have to thank Alice later. I knew she very much wanted to bear witness to this upcoming event.

I decided to move this along a little. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Edward."

"Oh, yeah, okay." He shifted uncomfortably on his feet and refused to make eye contact with me. I wanted to shout 'spit it out,' but I didn't want to appear crazy.

"Alright…bye."

"Um…actually, well…I was wondering, I mean, if you wanted, that is, if you don't, that's fine too, but we have some big projects coming up this year and I was wondering if you wanted to maybe exchange phone numbers." I recognized that coming from anyone else, this awkward, bumbling run-on sentence would have been really, really annoying, but since it came from Edward, the only thing I could think was how utterly adorable he was. I couldn't believe he was nervous about this. Alice was right, this was definitely a question I wanted to say yes to.

"Yeah, exchanging phone numbers seems like a good idea." I tore off a piece of his notebook paper and wrote my phone number on it. "That's my cell phone number, so you can call it any time that you want."

In turn, he gave me the other half of the paper, with two phone numbers written on it.

"The first is my cell phone, and the second is the landline. I've been meaning to cancel it, but just haven't gotten around to it. Since I'm the only one living at home, it seems a bit redundant."

I wanted to ask him more about his living arrangements, but we both needed to get to our next classes. Perhaps I would take advantage of the phone numbers and call and ask him about it. Or, was this one of those things where he's supposed to call me before I can call him? I was all for bucking tradition, but only when it needed to be bucked. He asked for my phone number, so he obviously wanted to talk to me. I wasn't buying this 'school project' excuse. Mr. Banner hadn't even mentioned any projects yet. I determined that it was his responsibility to call me, not the other way around. And besides, I had made the first move with the book. Yes, it was his turn.

After school, I slowly made my way towards the car. I would be facing Jasper again. I hadn't forgotten his note, and I had felt very touched by its sincerity. He was right; we would never agree about what had happened in the past. It was stupid to think I could yell him into submission. Maybe Edward was right. Even though I didn't consider the Cullens family, I still respected them. Besides, I had at least nine more months of living with them to go. There was no point in fighting for fighting's sake.

Walking up to Jasper, I continued contemplating my response to his note.

"No need to say anything, Bella. Again, I'm sorry too." So, sometimes it was nice to argue with an empath. I never had to say sorry; all I had to do was feel it, and I did.

He opened his arms and I stepped into him, turning my head so I wouldn't be smothered. We hugged each other as hard as we could, seeing who would call uncle first. Either of us could have easily broken a human in half with the amount of force per square inch we were exerting. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward standing by his car looking right at me. When I caught his eye, he gave me a cheeky grin and a thumbs-up. Smug bastard. He knew he was right all along. I rolled my eyes, trying to keep the smile off my face but failing, and he laughed before sliding into his car and driving away.

After I drove my thumb into Jasper's spine, he yelped and gave in, allowing us to head home. When we arrived, Carlisle was waiting for me in the foyer.

"Hello, Bella. I heard you found your mate." He was smirking. Openly. He was laughing at me. The audacity of this man.

"I'm glad you find this so funny, Carlisle. It's a real riot."

"Oh, but it is. Little Miss Independent Bella. Content to live a life alone in the wilderness. Doesn't need anybody or anything, except her books. It is, in fact, quite amusing. But truly, I am very happy for you."

I couldn't help but laugh along with him. Carlisle always understood me, at least, more than the others. None of them had been alone for very long, except for Alice. Carlisle had spent centuries alone, and while he didn't choose it, he had assured me that, for the most part, he was content in his solitude, with just his books and medicine to keep him company. It wasn't until he met his mate that he realized exactly what he had been missing by not being a part of a coven. I was beginning to see the validity of this point.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I'm pretty happy, too."

"Is there anything you want to talk about? Any questions you might have?"

"No, not at the moment."

"Well, you know that my door is always open. I actually had a question for you. The last time we spoke, you were having some trouble sorting out your mother's estate. Are you still having trouble with it? Again, I offer you Jenks' services, if you need them."

This was something I definitely did not want to talk about. Besides, it was all settled. It had taken a lot of work and some well-timed information from Alice to ensure that I didn't look like a scam artist taking advantage of a senile old woman, but it was done now.

"It's fine, Carlisle. It all worked out in the end, but thanks."

Just then, I saw Alice prance down the stairs.

"Family meeting time! I had a vision."

The Cullens came to settle in the living room, mates sitting with mates. I stood by the fireplace, busy stuffing thoughts of my mother back into their proper box.

"Before we begin, I think we should acknowledge that our Bella has come back to stay with us." I had already been back for two days, but, in the Cullen house, until Carlisle said it, it wasn't true.

A chorus of 'welcome back, Bella' rang through the room. I waved stupidly and didn't say anything in return.

"Now, Alice, tell us about this vision."

"James and Victoria are coming to visit. They've made the decision to come see us, but the timing is still vague. They seem to be somewhere in the southwest, so they can only travel at night and they don't seem to be in any hurry."

"These are the nomads you played baseball with last March?"

Carlisle answered my question, of course. "That's right. We attempted to show them our ways. We converted one, Laurent. I believe Esme told you about him and Irina. We told them we would be here for at least another two years, and that they should feel free to stop by again. I think we should make a real effort to convince them this time. I think the message has had time to sink in over the last six months and they may just need an extra little push." Carlisle spoke like a televangelist, spreading the good news about being a vegetarian vampire. I doubted whether two nomads would ever change their ways, but I kept that to myself. Being accused of heresy was never a good time. They probably just wanted a good game of baseball, anyway.

Thinking about Edward, I asked perhaps the most obvious of questions. "And what about their hunting habits? I presume they are not allowed to hunt in or around Forks."

"Of course not. They followed that rule last time and there were no problems. They seemed willing to play by the rules, both on and off the diamond." Carlisle chuckled to himself, and the rest joined in. I laughed too, but it was more at them than with them. I didn't think they noticed the distinction. "We also informed them about staying off Indian land."

"Indian land?" Why would they have to stay off Indian land?

"Oh, yes, you're right. Native American land."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't really care about political correctness. "No, I meant, why would you tell the nomads to stay away from the reservation?"

"The treaty, of course. We don't believe there are any active werewolves among the tribe at the moment, but we still try to maintain the treaty, for politeness' sake. The Cullens specifically are not allowed onto the reservation and any vampire that crosses the boundary line is subject to death. We try to avoid all contact with the tribe, for fear of triggering the mechanism that begins the transformation." This information was entirely new to me and it all seemed pretty important.

Jasper was the one to speak up, no doubt responding to my confusion. "Don't worry, Bella. Even after all these years, you can still smell the stench of wet dog at the boundary line. Just don't cross it, and you'll be fine. Stay away from the native boys, too."

This whole conversation was making me a little sick. Stay away from the native boys, or they might literally start to behave like animals? And only the Cullens would think a treaty should be kept out of politeness and not because they had made a binding agreement. It was all a little twisted, but judging from the looks on the Cullens' faces, they thought this kind of rhetoric was par for the course. _I had a dream, indeed_.

I asked Alice after the meeting to keep me informed of James and Victoria's progress. Although the Cullens had reassured me that the nomads would not hunt in Forks, I didn't want to take any unnecessary risks.


	6. Chapter 6

While the meeting had distracted me for a while, as soon as it was done, I set my mind to wondering when Edward would call. I assumed it would be sometime that night, so I was intensely surprised that a week and a half passed before I received his call.

During school, we saw each other in the parking lot before school, in the lunchroom, in Biology class and again in the parking lot after classes. We would talk during Biology, but never about anything of consequence. We laughed some more, which was pleasant, but I could never tell how much he enjoyed talking to me. He was never rude, but it felt like he was keeping his distance. I tried not to let this bother me, an effort that was helped by the fact that he seemed to be keeping that same distance with everyone else.

The Cullens and I had also settled into a routine, whereby I rode to school and had lunch with Jasper and Alice. We came home and I retreated to my room, where I would read and try not to look at my phone every ten minutes. Various Cullens would come up to talk to me, but I never sought them out.

It was Friday, and I was depressed that I wouldn't see Edward for another two days. Our first long-term project in Biology had been announced that day, but we hadn't been give any information about it other than the basics, thus giving me no reason to hope that Edward would call to talk about it. I refused to seek him out, either with or without his knowledge. I knew that I could very easily track his scent all the way to his house, but stalking wasn't something I was entirely comfortable with. Instead, I decided to go hunting.

Running as far as I could away from Forks, I hunted lazily for a few hours, waiting patiently for the most delicious prey. Not ready to go back after I had feasted, I found some rocks to lay on and I contemplated the relationship that I hoped I was forging with Edward. With the fresh blood permeating me, I couldn't help think about Jasper's assessment of Edward's emotions, especially the part about lust. Lust for me, specifically.

It was certainly a nice feeling, being wanted by Edward. However, I had avoided thinking about whether I wanted him in the same way. There had been times in the last two weeks where I had been reminded of how attractive he was, and had had to fight the overwhelming urge to rub my body against him like a cat. I wasn't sure, though, if this necessarily translated into sexual desire.

It seemed, though, that in imagining myself rubbing up against Edward, my body decided that, yes, in fact, I was sexually attracted to Edward. All these years, after the hunt, I would feel a faint arousal from the sheer volume of blood in my system, but apparently the thing missing to turn that into full-fledged arousal was a specific person to think about. I throbbed and ached, and as I was contemplating whether or not to touch myself, the object of my affections called. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry at the timing.

"Hello, Edward." I realized I sounded like a breathless, wanton schoolgirl, but there was nothing I could do about it, so he would just have to deal with it.

"Um, hi, Bella." He sounded uncomfortable. God, he had a really nice voice. Although the decision should have been made for me by his call, I was still wondering about the feasibility of touching myself.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. Am I interrupting something?"

"No, not really." Well, that wasn't true, but I wasn't sure how he would react to being told that I was considering masturbating to any one of the hundreds of crystal clear images of him that I had catalogued in my mind over the last two weeks. The hopeful part of my brain thought perhaps he would be flattered, but the realistic part realized that even if he was flattered that it was too soon for phone sex.

"Okay, good. I was calling about the biology project."

"Alright. What about it?" If we were going to talk about school, there was no way I was touching myself. As nice as his voice was, even he couldn't make genetics sexy. Plus, I was pretty sure that I would feel bad about it later.

"Um, well, I think it won't be that hard to do." And that was it. I waited for a few seconds to see what else he had to say about it, but apparently that was all I was going to get.

"Nope. It should be pretty easy." I tried to quickly think about a new topic to keep him on the phone. "So, did you finish _Wicked_?" The last time I had asked, on Tuesday, he had said no.

"Yeah, actually, I finished it last night."

"Well, what'd you think?"

"I thought it was okay. The writing wasn't exactly my style, but it was definitely an interesting premise. I enjoyed how the author took all the characters we all thought we knew and twisted them into something completely different. It did make me curious though."

"Curious about what?"

"Well, you'd said that you could relate to the book, and I was wondering why that was exactly." He remembered that?

"I guess that, like the main character, I'm different from my peers. I feel misunderstood, based on something that I had no control over. I feel ostracized, even from the people who claim to be my family. I'm trying to make my own way in the world, like the main character, but I don't know if it's the right path. Everything I did to make things better just seemed to make things worse. Eventually, I just sort of gave up."

"Why do you feel different from everyone else? Because you were adopted?"

_No, it's because I'm a vampire. _But I couldn't exactly blurt that out. At least, not yet.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Bella. That sounds really hard. I hate that you feel that way." Hate? That was a pretty strong word. This conversation was quickly becoming the most personal one that we had had yet. "Do you really think that moving away after graduation and being completely alone will make your situation any better?"

"No, not really. But, it will make it easier to deal with. Instead of having to pretend to fit in, both in school and at home, I can just be myself."

"That sounds lonely."

"I guess it does, but I've found that I'm better at being alone."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right people to spend your time with. Just because the Cullens aren't the right family for you, doesn't mean that there's no family out there for you. You could get married one day, have children. You just have to meet the right person." That sounded good. Except the children part, of course.

"Well, I'll keep my eyes open. And what about you? Are you waiting to meet the right person?"

"Honestly, I already had the perfect people, but now they're not here anymore. I'm finding it hard to be alone. I don't quite see its merits like you do."

"I'm sorry." I tried to sound as sincere as possible. "I hate that you feel like that. I'm sure plenty of people at school wouldn't mind spending time with you."

He made a scoffing noise. "It's not that I think they don't want to spend time with me; rather, I find it hard to relate to them anymore. They all knew me before my parents died, and they expect me to be that same person. People expect to pick up right where things left off, but it's not that simple."

He sounded so sad. He had put himself out there by calling me, so I decided to reciprocate. I hoped that it would make him feel at least a little better. "Well, if you want to, you can call me whenever you want. I didn't know you before, so I have no expectations."

"I know, Bella. Maybe that's why I like talking to you so much. Thank you for the offer. I'll let you go now."

"Talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Bye."

"Goodbye."

After the depressing turn of the conversation, I had no desire to return to my prior activities and instead ran home. Although it had not been the happiest of talks, I thought the phone call had gone very well. I felt like I knew Edward a little bit better, and I had put myself out there, too. I wondered if he knew just how hard that was for me to do.

==/==/==

As we pulled into school on Monday, I was curious to see how our phone conversation would affect my new friendship with Edward. We hadn't spoken again over the weekend, which I hadn't really expected. I had decided that there would be no more beating around the bush with Edward. I wasn't going to make my feelings known – at least, not yet – but I would spend as much time with him as he would allow.

I didn't see him before school, but at lunch, I again got behind him in line.

"Hi, Edward. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Bella. How are you?"

"Good. Do you want to eat lunch with me today?" Don't say no, don't say no.

"Sure." This was getting almost too easy. I would have to be certain to not let my guard down to ensure that I didn't slip up and reveal myself.

I didn't say anything more, just wandered over to an empty table after we had paid. As we sat down, I noticed an unusual hush had fallen over the cafeteria. I looked around and realized that almost everyone was looking at us. The blonde, Lauren, appeared especially angry, glaring daggers at the two of us. I smiled at her sweetly, before turning back to Edward. Hoping he hadn't noticed the quiet or the stares yet, I cast around for a topic of conversation to distract him, but, before I could come up with anything, he spoke.

"So, do you think they're looking at us because a Cullen is deigning to sit with a mere plebian or because the orphan boy is making an effort at human contact?" He had a wry, but slightly forced smile on his face.

"Edward, if I had wanted to sit with a mere plebian, I would have asked Mike Newton to share a table with me." That got a real laugh out of him, which only served to draw the eyes that had looked away back to us. Who cared, though? My boy was laughing again. "Besides, the Cullens do talk to people."

"Sure, for strictly class-related purposes and the occasional hello in the hallway, though only Alice and Emmett seemed to ever do that. I think you're the first who has made any real effort to talk to someone who wasn't in your immediate family. Why is that, I wonder?"

I decided to be purposefully obtuse here. "The Cullens just like to stick together. I don't think they see much purpose in talking to new people."

Edward looked frustrated that I hadn't given him a straight answer to why exactly I was talking to him, but before he could question me further, Mike Newton sidled up to our table. Edward looked very annoyed, especially when Mike ignored him completely.

"Hey, Bella. What's up?"

"Nothing, pleb." I glanced at Edward, but he was staring at his pizza with a fierce intensity, though he did crack a small smile at my attempt at a joke.

"So, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Homecoming Dance with me."

"No."

Most men, after being flat-out rejected, would tuck their tails between their legs and scamper off. But Mike Newton was not most men. "Come on, why not? Give me one good reason."

"She said no. She doesn't have to give you a reason. Now, go away." Even I felt a little intimidated by the look on Edward's face, and Mike took heed and hurried away quickly. The anger seemed to melt away when he glanced at me, and he looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry. I know I should have let you handle that yourself, but, I don't know, Mike has just been getting on my last nerve lately." He looked genuinely remorseful.

"That's okay. I'm not really sure if he would ever have listened to me, anyway, so thanks." I wondered if I should be annoyed that Edward hadn't let me handle it myself. I didn't think that he stepped in because he thought me incapable in some way. I decided to interpret it as more helpful than patronizing.

"So, how are Emmett and Rosalie doing? Are they happy to be graduated?"

"Yeah, I guess. They decided to take a year off, before going off to college, so they're mostly hanging around the house. Taking trips, that sort of thing."

"When's the wedding?" Wedding? I guessed that they had told people last year that they had gotten engaged. It was just a little sad that Edward knew that Emmett and Rosalie were getting married, but I didn't.

"Er…I'm not really sure."

"Oh, that's weird that they haven't set a date yet. Rosalie seemed pretty happy about being engaged, and Emmett always seemed wrapped around her finger."

"Well, they may have set a date, but I'm just not sure when it is." In fact, I was pretty sure that Rosalie had set a date and probably had half the wedding planned by now.

Edward just stared blankly at me. I began to feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny. "You haven't asked?"

"It's just never come up in conversation. They should have mentioned it to me, if it was so important." He didn't understand. Emmett and Rosalie had gotten married at least a dozen times.

Now he looked annoyed with me. "Have you ever considered that you actually might have to put in a little effort to be a part of the Cullen family? You can't just sit back and let them come to you. Rosalie probably wanted you to show some interest before she launched into all the details." Damn perceptive ass. I would have liked to say he didn't know anything about the situation, and there were some things he didn't, but his words rang true. Honestly, at this point, I was just amazed that he was actually giving me a piece of his mind.

"You might be right. I still think there are things you don't understand…"

But, before I could finish my statement, he cut me off. "Well, then, explain them to me."

"I can't."

"You mean, you won't."

"No, I said what I meant, thank you very much. I'll tell you when I want to tell you and now is not the right moment." Now, I was just mad. How dare he tell me what I meant to say.

"But, you will tell me, right? I do want to know, Bella. I just want to understand you better." And, just like that, he was shy and sweet again. If I wasn't a vampire, these mood changes would have been hard to deal with. Luckily, I had dealt with Rosalie for years. She could go from giddy to murderous in a nanosecond. Edward was a piece of cake in comparison.

"Okay, Edward." I was somewhat at a loss here. I was pretty sure that we had just had our first fight, and now I wasn't sure how to act.

Fortunately, I was saved from having to respond further by the bell.

"You go on ahead. I need to stop by my locker before class." And, with that, Edward quickly walked away, leaving me to walk to biology alone.

Before I could wallow in the aftermath of our first fight, Alice glided over to me.

"Don't worry. He's working up an apology, as we speak. Come on, let's get to biology fast, so you can spend time working out how quickly you want to forgive him."

How quickly I would forgive him? If he said he was sorry, then there was no question that I would forgive him right away. Heck, even if he didn't apologize, I was still going to forgive him. I wasn't even really sure what he had to apologize for. He was just telling me his opinion. And, I was kind of at fault, for not even knowing that my supposed siblings were getting married.

By the time I walked into biology and sat down, he was already coming in the door. He sat down and turned to me.

"Bella, I'm really sorry for the way I reacted back there. Mike pissed me off, and then, I don't know, I guess I'm just sensitive about family issues, you know? I am sorry. Forgive me?" He had apparently studied at the Alice Cullen School of Apologies, with his big eyes and pleading voice. I had to laugh. He was too cute.

"Yeah, yeah, I forgive you. Nothing really to forgive." With that, class started and we weren't able to talk anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

After school, I went upstairs to my room, as per usual, but I felt uncomfortable, like my skin was too tight. I had forgiven Edward. I wasn't mad at him. I was sure of that. Then, what was wrong?

Suddenly, my room felt claustrophobic and I found myself walking down the stairs, following Rosalie's scent to her room. The door was closed and I just stood in front of it for several long moments.

"Bella? Is something wrong?" Damn, I was caught. Well, there was no getting out of this now.

"No. Can I come in?"

"Of course."

I opened the door to find Rosalie sitting on an absolutely gigantic four-poster bed. She had swatches of fabric, magazines, and a gigantic binder all spread on top of the comforter, and she was scribbling furiously in a notebook. She was either planning her wedding or a very fashionable invasion.

She finished writing and looked up at me expectantly.

I cleared my throat, completely unnecessarily. "So, um, what are you working on?"

She gave me a long look, before speaking hesitantly. "Wedding stuff."

"Oh. When's the date?"

"December 23rd." She looked downright suspicious of me. Did I really never engage people in conversation? "Why do you ask?"

"Um…well, I was just curious I guess." Plus, my mate kinda, sorta yelled at me about not knowing and now I feel really bad.

"Oh, okay." She paused, appearing to size me up. "Well, do you want to know more about it?"

I hemmed and hawed, not really wanting to, but also not really having a choice, before finally being dragged to sit on the bed. She proceeded to tell me all the gory details about flowers and ribbon and cake we would never eat and dresses that coordinated perfectly with the tuxes the men would be wearing. It was all surreal, and by the time I escaped three hours later, I was a bridesmaid, Edward was invited, and plans for my own wedding had been brought up and vetoed at least a half dozen times.

==/==/==

The next morning, as we pulled into school, Alice stopped us before we could get out of the car. I was annoyed. Edward was standing by his car a few spaces down from our car, trying to appear nonchalant, but very obviously waiting for me to come talk to him.

"Don't be grumpy, Bella. I had a vision."

"The nomads? Are they here?"

"No, no. Not yet, anyway. Soon enough, though. But, blood will be spilled in the boy's locker room during second period gym. In the first ten minutes or so."

That sounded ominous, especially since Edward had second period gym. "Whose blood will it be? Will it be bad?"

"I don't know whose blood it will be. The vision is of one of us reacting badly to it, but that whole vision is negated by the fact that I'm giving you a heads-up. So, no worries. Bella, your class is closest to the gym, so you should be the most careful. Just in case things change, you know?"

"It was me in the vision?" Alice gave me a sad smile and nodded her head. She had been trying not to say it, addressing her warning to both me and Jasper, but it hadn't been terribly hard to figure out who was in the vision.

Frankly, I was surprised by this. I didn't have a perfect record, but I thought I could have managed some spilled blood all right. It had been decades since I had slipped. I was disappointed in future me. I would have to be vigilant, though. Just because I made the decision, right now, not to go crazy and kill someone, thus negating the decision I would have made and changing Alice's vision, it didn't mean that in the heat of the moment that that decision would hold. Mostly, I just hoped it wasn't Edward who would be hurt.

I made my way over to Edward and said hello, before launching into my spiel.

"December 23rd. I'll be wearing a green dress with a red sash, which will perfectly match the red sash on Rosalie's dress. The flowers are poinsettias, with holly accents. It will be in the living room of the Cullen house, and the bride and groom will be leaving directly after the wedding for an island somewhere off the coast of Brazil. It's Christmas themed, if you couldn't tell."

Edward laughed. "So, you were a bridesmaid all this time?"

"Yes, unfortunately. She made me try on the dress and everything."

"So, how does it feel?"

"That you were right? Awful." I gave him a wry smile to let him know I was kidding, which I mostly was.

"No, I meant how did it feel to talk to Rosalie."

"Oh, well, I guess that was alright." I shrugged my shoulders. In retrospect, I supposed it was nice that I learned a bit about something that Rosalie was interested in, and it did make my time away from Edward go by more quickly.

We had reached his classroom at this point. Alice's warning came back in full force. I wanted to tell him to be careful today, but there was no way to word it without raising suspicions. He was entirely too perceptive. When it was time to head to class, he very slowly brought his hand up to my face and ran the back of his hand against my cheek and softly said good-bye. The nerves I had felt about what might happen in second period gym almost completely disappeared, replaced by a sense of calm more powerful than Jasper had ever pushed onto me.

But, by the time second period came around, I was back to feeling anxious. I sat in my usual seat and told myself that under no circumstances would I get up until the bell rang. I found that I could just hear what was going on in the gym from my classroom, if I blocked out all the noise around me and really concentrated. Right now, people were still filing into the locker rooms, laughing and joking around.

I could hear Mike Newton talking to two other guys, but couldn't hear Edward's voice.

"Did you see Jessica Stanley's rack hanging out of that shirt in the parking lot? She got called into the principal's office in first period and now she has to wear a huge sweatshirt all day. It was hilarious."

"That's a shame. She's got nice tits _and_ a nice ass." Mike Newton was a scumbag, but judging from the way the rest of the guys were talking, not too different from any other high school boy.

"God, Lauren Mallory's been looking good lately, too." I couldn't tell who said this, but it was Mike that answered, and he directed his comments to Edward.

"Yeah, but no one's got a shot with her these days. Still pining after you, huh, Masen? You got into her pants last year, right?" What the hell? Was that true? I desperately wanted Edward to answer, but only if the answer was no. I didn't hear anything from Edward, so I had no idea what was going on. It was frustrating. Could I kill a person for possibly having sex with my mate before we had even met? Probably not, but it was fun to imagine.

Mike was talking again. "Edward, you're such a fucking prude." Well, that made me feel better. And, anyway, he didn't talk to her. He talked to me, so I put my plans for her gruesome death on hold. For the moment, anyway.

For the next minute or two, they discussed various other girls at school. The crudeness of their comments was escalating with each new girl that they brought up. Eventually, however, the conversation came around to Rosalie, with some of the guys reminiscing about how "hot" she was. Unfortunately, my name was brought into the conversation at this point, by none other than Mike.

"No, the hottest chick in this entire school is Bella Cullen. Maybe even hotter than Rosalie was." This was met with sounds of both agreement and disagreement. Apparently, my relative hotness to Rosalie was a matter of great debate. I tried not to laugh out loud. Rosalie was the single most beautiful vampire in possibly the entire world. I was beautiful, but it wasn't really a contest. It did feel nice to be in the running though. I wondered what Edward thought about this, but he didn't seem the type to give his opinion on the matter in his current setting.

"Hey, Mike. I saw her talking to you the other day. Are you going to ask her out?" I tried not to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation. Mike had absolutely no shot with me. He had, apparently, not told them about his failed attempt the day before. I almost felt a little bad for him, until he opened his mouth, yet again.

"Yeah. She totally wants me. I don't know. I might let her suck my cock, if she asks nicely." This got a few laughs. I was pretty sure that if Mike, or any other guy for that matter, knew how sharp my teeth were, they would not want them anywhere near their genitalia.

However, this made Edward finally speak up.

"Shut the fuck up, Mike." He said this so coldly and with such menace that the laughter immediately quieted. The boys in the locker room seemed as surprised as I was, judging from the silence where seconds before there had been raucous laughter and conversation. I suddenly had a bad feeling about where the blood was going to be coming from.

"What are you going to do if I don't, Masen? Bella Cullen's been here all of a month, and you think you've got some sorta claim on her or something. You can have her for all I care. She's probably a slut anyway."

And with that, I heard the sound of a human fist hitting human flesh with a dull thud and a loud crunch, and not a second later I smelled the blood. It wasn't Edward's, thank God, but there was a lot of it. If I had to guess from the sound and the amount of blood, I would bet that Edward had broken Mike's nose. I felt a weird sense of pride learning that Edward was a good fighter, but I couldn't concentrate on it. All I could hear now was the sound of scuffling, boys shouting, and more fists hitting flesh.

I felt a powerful urge to stand up and run to Edward to ensure that he didn't get hurt. It was what any mate would have done for their other half, in the vampire world. The fact that Edward was defending my honor by getting in a fight was a good sign that his feelings for me were intense, as well. I wondered, idly, as I struggled to remain in my seat, if this is what Alice saw. It wasn't me reacting to the blood. It was me reacting to Edward being in trouble.

The fight sounded like it was breaking up. The scuffling had stopped, and the boys in the locker room weren't shouting anymore. I could hear heavy breathing, and Mike being asked if he was okay. Before he responded, I heard another thudding punch. God, I was frustrated. I had no idea what was going on. Who had just hit whom? All I could hear was shouting again, and while my hearing was good, it couldn't pick up the exact words of so many people shouting from this far away.

Finally, Coach Clapp's deep voice rang out over all of them. "What the hell is going on in here? Everyone who doesn't have the last name Masen or Newton needs to get their asses to the gym, right now. Masen, Newton, you're coming with me to the principal's office."

They walked by my classroom, and I was able to catch a glimpse of Edward. He was in gym shorts and a t-shirt, with his hands on his hips. He was still breathing heavily and he looked very, very angry. It took all my willpower to stay seated. I wasn't sure how I could help, but I knew I should at least be standing next to him when he got in trouble.

I listened to their footsteps and the angry beat of Edward's heart until they were out of range. The principal's office was in a separate building at the front of the school, whereas the gym and my classroom were both near the back. No matter how hard I tried, I knew I wouldn't be able to listen in to their conversations with the principal.

By the time second period let out, the halls were already abuzz with people talking about a fight in gym. I wasn't quite sure how that was possible, but I had learned before never to underestimate the high school gossip mill. And, only ten minutes later, as I was in the locker room changing for my own gym class, I found that apparently all the details of Edward and Mike's fight were known by most of the senior class.

"So, Bella. You must think you're pretty hot shit, having two guys fight over you." The pure venom seeping into Lauren's voice would have made a vampire proud.

"I'm sure I wouldn't know what you're talking about, Lauren."

"Oh, please. I see how you've been leading both Edward and Mike on the whole year." Leading them on? One was my mate, granted, he didn't know that yet, and the other, well, he was an idiot.

"That's your opinion." I tried to speed up the getting dressed process, but didn't want to risk getting caught doing something too fast to be humanly possible. I would have to stand here, half naked, and listen to Lauren yell at me. Great.

"You Cullens think you're so fantastic and so beautiful. You just waltz in and think you can steal Edward away from me. Well, he was mine first and you're just some stupid slut. He'll be tired of you soon enough, and he'll come back to me."

Just as I was about to launch into all the things that were wrong with that statement, Lauren burst into loud, heart-wrenching sobs. I stood there, stunned, as she ran past me.

Angela, who was also in the class, came over to talk to me. "You'll have to cut her some slack, Bella. I know she said some horrible stuff, but I think she's a bit at a loss in this situation."

"What situation?"

"Well, she was dating Edward last year when his parents died. He broke up with her after, saying he couldn't concentrate on a relationship while he was grieving. I think she assumed that once he got through the worst of it, that they would get back together."

"Did he ever tell her that?"

"I'm not sure, but seeing you and Edward together probably hasn't been easy for her. I think she's always liked him more than he ever really liked her." Well, shit, now I felt a little bad for her. And, if it was true that Edward didn't reciprocate her feelings, I could afford to be a little generous.

"Yeah, that must be hard for her, but I didn't know any of that when I came here. I was just trying to be friends with Edward. I never intended to get in the middle of…whatever it is that I'm in the middle of."

"I know, Bella. The Cullens aren't exactly popular around here, but Alice has been nothing but nice to me. I don't think it's your fault. Lauren's just dealing with it the best way she knows how, by lashing out. Believe me, I've known her since we were toddlers, and she was never the suffer in silence type."

I had to laugh at that, imagining a blonde-haired, red-faced, screaming toddler playing with the ever-patient toddler version of Angela. I sent a silent thanks to Alice for befriending this girl, who was able to give me the inside scoop on what was going on.

With thoughts of Edward's fight and my pseudo-argument with Lauren swirling in my head, I was barely able to concentrate on the rest of my classes. Edward had been sent home after the fight and I sorely missed him in school. I decided I couldn't wait much longer to talk to Edward about all this, and I didn't want to talk to him on the phone about it. I would go to his house, directly after school.


	8. Chapter 8

As Alice and Jasper dropped me off at Edward's house, they each gave me a significant look. I wasn't sure what it meant, but then again, they were always giving me significant looks, so, like usual, I chose to ignore it.

I knocked on Edward's door, momentarily wondering if he would even want to see me right now. I heard a dog barking from inside the house and bit back a groan. Most domesticated animals showed less fear than their wild counterparts, since they were more used to seeing humans as friendly creatures. However, they still got nervous around vampires, not fooled at all by our human-like appearance.

I could hear Edward padding to the front door, telling the dog, apparently named Clyde, to shut up already. He opened the door, wearing a look of extreme annoyance that slipped off his face when he saw it was me. He was still wearing his gym clothes and he sported a nasty-looking bruise near his left eye.

"Bella! What are you doing here?"

Before I could answer, the dog leapt in front of Edward, baring his teeth at me and snarling. He was clearly protective of his master. I tried very hard not to growl at the dog, and managed to let only a very soft growl escape, hopefully too quiet for Edward to hear. The dog heard it, though, and began to bark furiously.

"Clyde! I'm sorry, Bella. He's usually not like this." He turned to the dog. "No!" And, with that, he picked the dog up and walked away from the front door abruptly. I hadn't been invited in, but I didn't let that stop me from following him. The dog had begun to calm down, but when he saw that I was trailing along behind Edward, he started to growl again and struggled to get down.

Edward paused at the back door. "Bella, will you open the door for me?" I did as he asked and he deposited the dog unceremoniously in the fenced-in back yard. It looked like it had been well-maintained at one point, with various nicely landscaped areas, but it was looking a little worse for the wear at the moment. The chain-link fence separating the back of the yard from the encroaching forest was falling down slightly, and a piece of plywood had been haphazardly tied to it, presumably to keep the dog fenced in.

Edward followed my line of vision to the fence and looked embarrassed. "Yeah, it doesn't look that great, but I haven't found the time to get around to repairing it properly. My dad…used to do that sort of stuff."

"That's okay." I shrugged, not particularly caring about the state of his backyard, feeling more concerned that I had reminded him of his father on a day that wasn't that great to begin with. As we walked back through the large house, I noticed a number of pictures up on the wall, showing Edward at various ages, along with what must have been his parents. I wanted to stop and look at all of them, but Edward showed no sign of slowing down, and since I wasn't sure what the protocol regarding poring over pictures of my mate and his dead parents was, I decided to follow him. I noticed that there was a fine layer of dust on all the pictures.

Edward led me into the kitchen. He went to stand by the stove, where he stirred whatever was cooking in the pot on top, before flicking the knob to turn the burner off. As he was stirring, he reached down to grab the blue ice-pack that he had set down next to it. When he picked it up, however, I could hear the liquid sloshing inside it. Edward had, of course, noticed this too. His head slumped and he rubbed his eyes wearily. I imagined this day hadn't been the best for him. He straightened and took the ice-pack to the refrigerator. He opened the freezer door and threw the ice-pack in with what looked to be as much strength as he could muster, before slamming it closed. Unfortunately, instead of shutting, the door bounced open. He sighed heavily and calmly closed the door again.

I wanted to make him feel better, but I also wanted to get to the bottom of this fight business. "So, you got in a fight. With Mike Newton of all people."

His expression looked guarded when he turned around. He was obviously wondering how much I already knew about the circumstances of the fight. "Yeah…"

"Well, did you win?" His shoulders relaxed a bit when he saw that I was teasing. He gave a self-deprecating kind of shrug, but the effect was mitigated by the cocky smirk on his face.

"I'll take that as a yes. You know, I actually got into an argument in the locker room today as well."

"You did?" He seemed amused by this. "Who would fight with you?"

"Lauren Mallory. You know her?" He seemed less amused now.

"What did she say to you?"

"Well, she let it slip that you and Mike got into a fight about me." I looked up at him, trying to read his expression, but he was giving nothing away. "And she may have mentioned that the two of you are going to get back together, after you toss me aside like the slut that I am."

Now he looked angry. "She called you that? Goddamnit. What the hell is wrong with people today?" This outburst had apparently hurt his eye again, because he reached up to touch it, wincing when his fingers came in contact with the bruise.

"Do you want to tell me what you and Mike were fighting about exactly?"

Edward paled. "No, Bella, I don't really want to tell you what Mike said."

"So Mike said something. About me? Maybe, something about how I look or what he wants to do with me?"

"How do you know that?"

"I live with two teenage boys and I've been around plenty more teenage boys. I have a pretty good idea of what guys talk about in the locker room. Look, you don't have to tell me what he said, but I do want to know why you picked a fight over what he was saying about me. Surely, I wasn't the only woman being talked about in the locker room." Of course, I knew why he had fought for me; I was his mate, even if he didn't know or understand that concept. However, he didn't know that I knew that. It was all very complicated.

Edward looked panicked, like a caged animal. He clearly didn't want to answer this question.

"Well? I think I have a right to know."

"I don't know! Alright? I have no idea. I haven't been in a fight since I was in third grade, and that doesn't even count because all we did was wrestle around on the ground over a comic book. I have never wanted to hit another person in my entire life as much as I wanted to hit Mike today. I'm freaked out, too, because I didn't want to stop at a few punches either. The way he was talking about you, the way he's been looking at you since you got here – it's been getting under my skin, even before I knew who you were." He looked pained for a second and he put his hand up to his face and pressed his palm against the bruise on the side of his head, though I was unsure whether his purpose was to apply pressure to the bruise or merely avoid looking at me after his admission.

I walked over to him and stood so closely that I had to crane my neck to look him in the eye. I knew this was risky. I wasn't sure if I could be gentle enough to touch him, but I knew my cold touch would feel good against his bruised skin. He was looking down at me, and I hated the look in his eyes – the fear and confusion. He honestly didn't know why he had hit Mike and he had no idea why he felt so protective of me. It was an action that any vampire would have taken on behalf of their mate, but he had no framework for understanding it. In that moment, I felt intense guilt for showing up in Forks and putting him in this situation.

I tentatively reached my hand up to his face, going slowly. If he didn't want me to touch him, he would have plenty of time to back away. His heart rate picked up, but I didn't think it was because he was scared. I put the palm of my hand over his bruise and pressed down as lightly as possible. He sighed softly and leaned into my hand.

He felt so…warm and soft against my hand. The blood in the bruise was pulsing slightly against my hand, and, from where I stood, my eyes were fixed on the pulse hammering in his neck. Venom filled my mouth for the first time in Edward's presence. I was frozen. Before I could react, and honestly, I wasn't sure how I would react, Edward put both arms around my shoulders and tried to pull me into an embrace. I stood rooted to the spot by my panic. Edward, however, didn't seem fazed by the fact that he couldn't budge me, and instead he stepped closer to me.

Now my face was pressed directly into his neck. It would take the slightest of movements to rip his throat open and drink from him. I had never been this close to a human without it ending badly, and I was terrified. But this was Edward. He was my everything; I couldn't kill him. I pulled my head away from his throat so that I could lean it on his chest. That didn't help much, because now I could hear the wet thud of his heart echoing loudly in my ear. Could vampires have panic attacks? I felt like I was dangerously close to one.

"Thank you, Bella." What? He was thanking me. I was close to killing him and he was thanking me. He was too good. "Thank you for coming over and for always treating me like you would treat anyone else, like a normal person. I really appreciate it."

I was so confused. I didn't treat him like he was a normal person. If I did that, we wouldn't be standing in his kitchen locked in an embrace that could result in his grisly death. I looked up at him then. I would never have talked to him if he was ordinary.

"What do you mean, I treat you like you're a normal person? I don't think that's true at all. You're much better than normal."

He blushed brightly. It was doing nothing for my self-control. I closed my eyes, trying to shut off at least one of my senses from the onslaught of Edward's suddenly and unexpectedly tempting blood.

Edward apparently took my upturned face and closed eyes as an invitation, because the next thing I felt was his soft mouth molding over my own hard lips. This boy was bound and determined to get himself killed tonight. I opened my eyes and froze. After just a warm, fleeting second, I stepped back.

He opened his eyes slowly. He saw the look on my face and his happy expression was wiped clean.

"Shit. I'm sorry. I just…I thought you were interested in me the same way I was interested in you. But, I'm sorry that I misinterpreted." He looked absolutely tortured and impossibly embarrassed.

Away from the direct beat of his heart in my ear and the nearness of his neck, I could think more clearly.

"No, no, Edward. You didn't misinterpret. I was just surprised, that's all. I wasn't expecting it." I tried to smile reassuringly, but this situation was overwhelming me and I had the sudden urge to just leave and never look back.

"So, when you say I didn't misinterpret…" I laughed a little at that. Apparently, he needed direct confirmation of my feelings.

"Yes, Edward, I like you. Very much. As more than a friend." I didn't realize how hard that would be until the words were out of my mouth, but I felt immediately better when Edward smiled beatifically at me. He really was beautiful, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Can I kiss you again?" Wow, he did not waste time.

"Um…okay." This was a bad idea and I knew it.

He stepped towards me, smiling slightly. He pressed his lips gently against mine. So soft, with just the tip of his tongue pushing against the underside of my top lip. I desperately wanted to open my mouth, but visions of a writhing, changing Edward kept my lips sealed. Well, for the most part. I couldn't resist taking his bottom lip between my own and sucking, just a little. This produced a muffled groan from Edward and he crushed his body up against mine. I cringed internally, waiting for him to pull away and remark upon the unnatural hardness of my body, but he didn't. He just kept kissing me, and judging from his own bit of hardness pressing into my stomach through his loose gym shorts, I felt fairly confident that he was enjoying it as much as I was. And I was enjoying it quite a bit.

After a good five minutes of kissing, complete with more groans from Edward and some embarrassingly uncontrollable whimpers from me, he was the one to pull away. I had decided that making Edward make these noises was the single greatest achievement of my life. I had tried to think of something to beat it, but I just couldn't. At least, not at the moment.

"Wow. That was amazing. Wow. Okay." Edward's eyes were almost fully dilated, black replacing the normal green. He looked like a hungry vampire, and amazingly, that made me want to kiss him even more. I didn't even want to begin to examine the implications of that thought. He wobbled, just a little, and I realized that my kiss, or more likely, my venomous breath, had left him slightly intoxicated. I felt just a tiny bit smug and more than a little triumphant. It seemed that I was a good kisser.

He shook his head, his eyes slowly returning to normal and looking a bit steadier on his feet. Once he had returned from his dazed state, he gave me a breathtaking smile. "So, do you want to go on a date with me?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sure, why not?" This whole visit had turned out better than I could have imagined.

With that thought, I heard the beeping of a car horn outside, along with Alice's muffled yell, instructing me to "get out here, Bella." Apparently, it was time for me to go.

"I think that's my ride, so I better go." I was reluctant to leave, but I also knew that I didn't want to outstay my welcome.

"Yeah, I'd better eat my dinner." Edward picked up the spoon from the pot, letting the contents of the pot plop back down into it. It didn't look particularly appetizing, but, well, blood didn't look that appetizing to humans.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow?" Even with all that had happened, I still couldn't keep the question out of my voice.

"Of course, let me walk you to the door."

Edward put his hand on the small of my back to guide me to the front door, which he graciously opened for me. I saw Alice waiting in the driver's seat and she seemed to be very happy, no doubt having seen our entire conversation already.

"Bye." Before I could walk away, though, Edward stepped toward me and kissed me again. It was fantastic, of course, but the experience was tainted by the squeak of the car bouncing up and down on its shocks in time to Alice's clapping and squealing.

"Bye, Bella." And, with that, I walked to Alice's car, shaking my head at her.

As soon as I opened the door, she started talking. "Didn't I tell you? I said 'you're going to be happy,' and you looked _so_ skeptical, but I was right." She continued with her gloating all the way to the house, but I couldn't care less, because she was right – I was happy.


	9. Chapter 9

Returning to school after my altercation with Lauren, and Edward's fight with Mike, was anti-climactic. Lauren and Mike both seemed to be nursing their proverbial, or in Mike's case, actual, wounds and left Edward and I alone.

Edward and I, on the other hand, were as chummy as ever, sitting together every day at lunch and exchanging sly glances with one another. We smiled like idiots – just happy to be with each other. There were a few chaste kisses exchanged, typically during the morning when we first saw each other and then at the end of the day before we parted.

On Friday, I found myself in Edward's car after school, instead of Alice's.

"So, what do you want to do on our date?"

I had no idea. What did people do on dates these days? I imagined that they couldn't have changed that much from when I was human. Only now, I had to cover for the fact that I couldn't eat food.

"Well, I'm not really hungry, so maybe a movie?" I hated lying to him, but until he knew the truth, there was no way around it. And, I rationalized, it wasn't lying really, since I didn't need to hunt for a little while still.

"Okay, sounds great. I figured we would go to Port Angeles."

We had hit the highway at this point, and Edward was driving incredibly fast, dodging in and out of lanes recklessly. I was trying very hard not to scold him for his driving, but if we got in a wreck at this speed, he probably wouldn't walk away from it. The thought of Edward dying was enough for me to blurt out a warning.

"Will you be careful, please?" He looked over at me with a confused expression on his face. "And watch the road!" I fully realized that I probably sounded like his mother, but I couldn't help it. It was one thing for Alice to drive like a maniac; she was indestructible.

Edward just laughed at me. "It's fine. I'm a good driver, I promise. Plus, I have the safest car in the world."

"Uh-huh." Deciding a change of subject was in order, I asked a question I had wondered about before. "No offense, but why do you drive a Volvo? It doesn't seem like a very teenager-friendly car."

Edward's mouth turned down and he swallowed heavily. I had apparently touched on a sore subject. "It was my mom's. I had an older car, but when they died, it made more sense to sell my car and my dad's. Mom's was newer, so…it just made financial sense. It'll last me through college."

I reached my hand across the center console and placed it on his leg, in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. He glanced at me and smiled, before moving his own hand off the wheel to hold mine. I couldn't help the smile that stretched across my face at how perfectly our hands fit together. If he noticed the chilly temperature of my hand, he didn't mention it.

To distract myself from his incredibly dangerous driving and to distract him from thoughts of his parents, I picked up his iPod and started browsing. He had hundreds and hundreds of songs, from artists ranging from ABBA to ZZ top.

"Is there any music you don't like?"

"Well…I _like_ the good music, but I appreciate the earnest effort in bad music."

I couldn't help the completely unbecoming giggles escaping from my mouth. I would never cease to be amazed by the way that Edward's mind worked.

==/==/==

Sitting next to Edward in a dark movie theater was a lesson in restraint. Not ten minutes into the movie, he had put his arm around me and my head had somehow found its way onto his chest. Luckily, I was sitting on his right side, so my ear wasn't directly over his heart. I didn't want any repeats of the near miss we had had at his house. His hands had innocently wandered up and down my arm, occasionally skimming across my face to tuck my hair behind my ear. It did not escape my notice that he would run his hands along the length of a strand whenever he did this. I may have encouraged this behavior by letting my hair fall forward every so often so that he would have to tuck it back again.

But, the best part was when his lips would press down on the top of my head. Invariably, I would sigh happily whenever he did this, which seemed to delight him, judging from his subsequent chuckle.

This kept up until the last few minutes of the movie, when he removed his arm from around my shoulders. I worried that I had done something wrong or that he had gotten too cold. Apparently that wasn't the case, because he turned to face me before leaning in to kiss me. I guessed that we had reached the making out portion of the movie watching, which was fine by me. These kisses were somehow even more amazing than the ones at his house and decidedly better than the tight-lipped kisses we had exchanged at school, though sitting next to each other in a movie theater did not give me the full body contact that I would have preferred. We stayed, locked together like this, until the credits ended and the lights turned on. We slinked out of the theater, past the employees waiting to clean up, who discreetly looked away. I had never felt more like a teenager than I did at that moment.

The movie theater let out onto a pedestrian walkway that was lined with various high-end boutiques, and as we left the movie theater, Edward tugged on my hand to indicate that we should take a walk instead of going back to the car. We walked slowly down the promenade, looking in all the windows, just enjoying each other's company. After years of living with either the oppressing silence of my solitude or the incessant background chatter of the Cullen household, these comfortable silences shared with Edward were refreshing beyond description.

I stopped abruptly at a store near the end of the street, almost ripping off Edward's arm in the process and causing him to whip around suddenly. He gave me a strange look, and all I could do was shrug sheepishly. I would have to get used to holding fragile human hands – not that I had much practice holding any other kind of hands.

"So, why'd you stop?"

I pointed at the fairy wings in the window of the children's store. "I have to get those for Alice."

To his credit, Edward didn't say anything about the odd nature of this statement. Instead, he gave a quick nod and turned and walked into the store, with me trailing along behind him.

There was a surprising array of fairy wings to choose from. All different colors and styles were available. Alice had already narrowed down my choices to the green ones, so I picked a set out at random. I told myself that it was the thought that counted.

"Why do you need to buy Alice fairy wings?"

"Well, it's a sort of thank you gift." Edward gave me a look that indicated that he wanted a better answer than that. "It's a thank you gift for convincing me to come to Forks when I didn't want to." The fairy wings had started out as a 'sorry for being such a screw-up' gift, but I now desperately needed a way to thank Alice for tricking me into coming to Forks so that I could meet Edward.

I looked up at Edward, only to be met with a smug grin on his face. "And what makes you so happy about being in Forks?"

"The lovely weather," I said in the driest tone possible. He knew it was him. I knew that he knew it was him. But I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a straight answer.

"Sure, Bella."

As we were standing at the counter to pay, I took my credit card out of my wallet, while Edward stood behind me, tugging on my belt loops. I laughed at his silliness and let myself be swayed from side to side by the motion. He stopped this motion, though, and picked up my credit card.

I immediately knew what he was looking at. Marie Higginbotham, the fake name I used while sorting out my mother's estate, was printed clearly on the bottom. I had a credit card with Bella Cullen on it, given to me by Jasper a few days after my arrival. It was still in the envelope he had handed me, sitting on the desk in my room.

It was such a rookie mistake and it had just been caught by Edward. He tapped the credit card twice on the counter before laying it flat. He didn't say anything, and I couldn't look at him. Damage already done, I paid with the credit card, and we left.

As we were walking out the door, I got a text from Alice.

_I love them! Thank you so much! Love, Alice_

She had either not seen the incident with the credit card or was ignoring it. Alice was most likely monitoring every moment of our date, so surely she had seen it. I felt oddly comforted by her lack of advice about it. Perhaps that meant it wasn't that big of a deal.

I chanced a glance up at Edward's face. His eyebrows were drawn together and his mouth was set in a hard line. He didn't look angry, really, just very confused. As we were walking, Edward cut suddenly down an alley.

"I know a shortcut. Come on." I had a bad feeling about the dark, ominous-looking alley.

"Wait, Edward…"

I felt my phone buzz at the same time that I saw the group of men turn the corner just in front of us. I was able to quickly pull out my phone, and, again, there was a text from Alice.

_It'll be okay. Don't do anything stupid._

This date just went from bad to really shitty.

Edward had stopped abruptly when he saw the men. His heart rate picked up and he took a subtle step in front of me. While I appreciated the protective gesture, I was more concerned about his safety at the moment.

The obvious leader of the gang stepped forward and demanded our money. Edward handed over his wallet and I gave them my purse. I expected this to be the end of our ordeal, but one of the men grabbed for the bag with the fairy wings. I quickly yanked them away from him, stupidly unwilling to let go of Alice's gift.

This action seemed to anger the man, and he grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me away from Edward. Of course, I didn't move, but before anyone could register this abnormality, Edward had pushed the guy away.

A flash of silver caught my eye, and both Edward and I froze as the man pulled out a knife. He jabbed it at Edward, and before I could think of the consequences, I had snatched the knife away from the man by the blade. In the same instant, I pushed him as hard as I could and sent him flying back into his group of friends.

Everyone in the alley was now staring wide-eyed at me. The men, no doubt sensing that there was something not quite right about me, fled the scene, dropping our belongings on the ground in front of us.

I glanced at Edward, fearing the worst, at the same time that I tried to surreptitiously drop the now mangled knife that most likely bore an exact imprint of my hand. Between the credit card incident and the mugging, my secret was out. I doubted he had guessed the truth, but I also knew he wouldn't just drop this. He looked shocked and, even worse, he looked scared. I hoped against hope that he wasn't afraid of me. The very thought broke my heart.

Edward reached down for my hand, pulling it up to look at in the dim light of the alley. Seeing that there was no cut, he pressed a kiss to the center of my palm and let it go, looking less worried than he had before.

"Is there something you should tell me, Bella?"

I blinked rapidly, an automatic response to the tears that weren't going to come. I had known that I would eventually have to tell Edward about my true nature, but I had put off even thinking about it. I never imagined that I would be exposed so early in our relationship.

Edward stepped toward me, putting his arms around me in a comforting hug. "Your eyes are black now. They're usually gold. Why is that?" I couldn't say anything. I didn't know if I could make this confession to Edward. How do you tell the love of your life that you're a monster? "Please, just tell me."

"Okay. I will. In the car, though." My voice sounded strangled to my own ears. I wouldn't be able to prepare properly for this talk in the short time it would take to get to the car, but the idea of Edward strapped in next to me was somehow comforting. No matter how horrified he might be by my revelation, I couldn't envision Edward ordering me out of his car until he had me safely home. I would have to use his seemingly innate desire to protect me to my benefit in this situation.

Seemingly satisfied with this answer, Edward took my hand and headed further down the alley.

"Edward, shouldn't we go back to the main road?"

"No. You seem to be able to take care of us pretty well in a dangerous situation, so why not take the shortcut?" He smiled broadly at me and I suddenly had hope that this conversation wouldn't end horrifically.

I stamped my foot down on the flat of the blade, flattening my handprint and making it appear like a flat piece of metal attached to a handle. It was the best I could do at the moment. As for the men who witnessed my feat of super-strength, well, I just had to hope they convinced themselves that they were mistaken in what they saw. I shrugged at Edward when he threw a quizzical glance over his shoulder. He seemed to accept it and we continued walking.

We made it safely back to the car, and Edward led me around to the passenger side door. He reached to open it for me, but paused. Moving his hands to my face, he looked into my eyes and then kissed me passionately. Feeling reassured, I offered him a small smile when we broke apart. He let out a deep breath and smiled back, softly whispering, "It'll be okay, Bella."

After we were both in the car, I endured my first ever awkward silence with Edward. He was the one to finally break it after getting on the highway.

"So, you're a black belt, right? Hmm…but that wouldn't explain why you didn't get cut. The blade was dull? I don't know, though. It looked pretty sharp to me. Surely it would have made some kind of mark on your skin." All I could do was stare dumbly at him. He had cut through all of my hastily-conceived potential excuses in one fell swoop. "Bella, I know you're different. Just tell me what it is. You think I'm going to freak out about this, but I promise you, I won't."

I debated how to do it, trying to come up with a way to make it easier to hear. However, I had never been known for my finesse, so all I could do was blurt it out.

"I'm a vampire."


	10. Chapter 10

"That wasn't so hard, was it? Now, tell me more about it."

He must not have heard me correctly. He was asking me to tell him more about it, like it was a hobby he had never heard of.

"Edward, I'm a vampire. I don't know if you heard me correctly the first time."

"I did hear you correctly. You're a vampire. How do you come out during the day, anyway?"

"We don't burn in the sun, just sparkle, hence Forks. Will you stop acting so nonchalant about this? Why aren't you freaking out?" I was so frustrated with him. What the hell was going on in his head? Was he in shock from the mugging? Did he think I was delusional and he was just humoring me while he drove me to the mental hospital?

Edward pulled over onto a side road and turned off the car. He turned to me and I instinctively twisted my body around to face him, and he took my face in his hands. The warmth of his hands and the warmth of his eyes were enough to overwhelm me. "Bella, it's okay. I knew you were different from the moment I met you. Hell, I knew the Cullens were different from the second they showed up in town."

"You did?" I asked weakly.

"Your entire family, a husband, wife, and five adopted kids, have the same odd eye color. None of you eat lunch. Dr. Cullen is always at the hospital. These things haven't gone unnoticed."

"Did you already know that I was a vampire?" Frankly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if Edward had already figured all of this out and was just waiting for me to tell him myself.

"No. I didn't. I actually didn't have any theories. It was more of a gut instinct that something was off and that you were hiding something. I assume that you're all vampires, which is why you all have golden eyes." I didn't appreciate being lumped in with the Cullens like that, but I had to give him credit for, once again, being so perceptive.

"Yes."

"But your eyes were black in the alley."

"I was angry."

"And that makes them turn black? They were black a week ago and then again when we kissed. Were you angry both of those times?" Did nothing escape this man's notice?

"No, I was hungry last week." _Don't ask about the time we kissed, don't ask about the time we kissed. _My internal pleading was interrupted by his question.

"So, you were hungry when we kissed, too? How often do you have to eat?"

"About every two weeks." I felt smug that I had successfully evaded his kissing question.

"Why won't you answer the question about when we were kissing?"

I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me. I was going to have to bite the bullet and just tell him. "I wasn't hungry when we kissed. Our eyes turn black for a variety of reasons, essentially any time we experience a moment of heightened emotion. Specifically, when we kissed, I was aroused, thus my eyes turned black."

It was Edward's turn to look like the cat that caught the canary. "I see."

Watching Edward be completely nonplussed by the fact that the girl he was dating was a vampire, I couldn't help but remember my own initiation into being a vampire. I gained a new level of respect for Alice's ability to coherently explain the workings of being a vampire to me after waking from the change. I marveled at the fact that Edward seemed to be doing better than I was at this conversation. His unnatural calm was slightly terrifying. My own calm state after I had awoken had been the direct result of Jasper's ability. Edward was doing this completely cold turkey. However, he was asking all the wrong questions.

"Aren't…aren't you afraid that I'm going to kill you? Drink all your blood?"

"Should I be afraid?"

"No." I tried to place as much emphasis as I could on my answer, to emphasize my sincerity. It would destroy me if Edward was afraid of me. "I would never hurt you, but how are you supposed to know that?"

"I just do know it. And I would never hurt you either, you know that, right?"

"You can't hurt me. I'm practically indestructible."

"Well, I didn't mean physically."

"Oh."

His hands, which had been softly stroking my face for the duration of our conversation, pulled my face closer and he placed the softest of kisses on my lips. I let out a contented sigh, unintentionally exhaling into his mouth, and he crushed his lips to mine. I was amazed that, despite all my vampire skills and attributes, his kisses always overwhelmed me. I kissed him back as enthusiastically as I could without opening my mouth. He broke off the kiss, moving one hand down to squeeze my thigh, as he trailed his lips along my jaw to my neck, sucking and biting and licking all along the way. I moaned loudly and he pulled away, looking sheepish.

"Sorry, I didn't pull over so that we could make out. You…just seem to have quite the effect on me."

"It's part of the lure of being a vampire."

"No, Bella, I think it's all you." He trailed his eyes over my body as he said this, and subtly readjusted himself in his seat.

If I had been human, I was sure I would have been blushing brightly.

Pulling back onto the road, Edward hummed along to the music coming from the stereo, while I sat in stunned silence, both from the conversation we had had and the make-out session afterward. We held hands for the rest of the drive, but didn't speak. I knew we had more to talk about, but I was grateful for the small reprieve of the car ride.

When we arrived in Forks, Edward drove straight to his house.

"I'm hungry. Want to come in for a while?"

He was handling this all too well. I, on the other hand, was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to start freaking out, like a normal human being. But, no, as I had thought many times before, Edward wasn't a typical human. I sighed. It was one of the many reasons why I liked him.

We went inside, where Edward was forced to wrestle Clyde, the annoying border collie, out into the backyard. Clyde growled and barked at me and whined at Edward before he was pushed into the yard and had the door slammed in his face. Edward turned to me, shaking his head and muttering about how dumb his dog was, before leading me into the kitchen where he fixed himself a dinner in the microwave.

"I assume I don't need to offer you any of this, right? You never seem to eat."

"No, I don't eat."

"You just drink blood, right?"

"That's right. Animal blood only." We sat down at the kitchen table, and Edward half-heartedly dug into his food, obviously more interested in my eating habits than his own.

"You've never drank human blood before?" Oh God, were we already going to have this conversation? He would never look at me the same way again. I decided to avoid the conversation for now.

"I never said that."

"You're being evasive." Of course, Edward wouldn't let me get away with that.

"Fine, yes, I've killed people. I won't make excuses for it." There was no point in beating around the bush. He would have to know one day, so why not now?

"How many?"

"Three."

"Why?"

"Why? _Why?_ Because I'm a vampire. Killing people is in my very nature, Edward."

"But you've told me you haven't killed very many people and that you only eat animals. Why did you kill those specific people? Were they bad people? Dangerous?" I could see the hope in his eyes; that I had been righteous in my killing, rather than just senseless.

"No, Edward. They weren't dangerous people. Well, at least, not really." I hadn't wanted to tell him this. Ever. I knew it would forever change how he saw me. "The first was a year after I was changed. You remember that argument I had with Jasper?" He nodded. "Well, that's what it was about. He can control emotions. It's a special power of his. He kept me calm for the entire first year of my existence as a vampire. One day, his friends called. They were in the area and wanted to meet up. So he left. A delivery person came to the door, a human. It was the first time I had smelled human blood without Jasper's influence. I killed the delivery person. After that, I refused to let Jasper control me anymore. I got past the bloodlust on my own, and, as soon as I was able, I left."

He contemplated this information for a second. "When did you become a vampire?"

"1969."

"When were you born?"

"1949. I was nineteen when I was changed. Just about to turn twenty." I gave him a sad smile. Even after all these years, and meeting Edward, I still mourned the loss of my human life and all that I had lost. People say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and that felt like the story of my life.

"And what about the second and third times you killed?"

This one was harder to talk about. Fair or unfair, I blamed the first killing on Jasper and the Cullens, for their mismanagement of my first year as a vampire. But this, this was entirely my own doing. "Well, when I left, I went to New York City. It was easy to blend in there. I had lived there a few years and had settled into a nice routine."

"You were alone in New York?"

"Yes, the Cullens were going to high school in Connecticut, so they were close by. Over the years, I saw them less and less frequently. Alice would come down every once in a while, but not that often. Jasper and I weren't on the best of terms, and I didn't want to make her choose."

"So, what happened?"

"Well, one night, I was at a club, listening to a band that I liked, and the heat and the sweat and the blood became too much for me. I stepped out into the alley behind the club and stumbled across a mugging. This guy had a gun pointed at another man." I shook my head at the stupidity of my actions that night. "I thought I could be a hero. Save the man with my clearly superior muscles and intellect. I charged the guy, but he fired his gun anyway. Well, it hit the other guy in the leg. Blood was everywhere." I felt my throat tighten, and my voice came out raspier, as I struggled to get this out without breaking down. "I killed the mugger. Drained him dry. And then I turned to the victim, bleeding on the pavement. I couldn't help it, Edward. I killed him too." I was sobbing at this point, not even trying to contain the emotions that I felt about the night when I fully realized how cursed my existence truly was.

Edward reached across to me and I let him pull me onto his lap. I could feel him hugging me as hard as he could.

"It's okay, Bella. It's okay. They were all accidents. It wasn't your fault. I love you, Bella, I love you."

This only made me cry harder. "How? How could you love me, when you know what I did?"

"I just do. You're wonderful, and despite the mistakes that you made, you're still a good person."

I scoffed at this. He didn't know the half of it.

"Okay. Can we talk about something else now?"

"Sure." He took a long look at my face, and his fingers traced my cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears that hadn't fallen. "I thought you were crying."

"I was. I can't produce tears, but I can still cry."

"Oh." We were both quiet for a long moment. I knew he would have more questions, so I wasn't surprised when he spoke again. "So, this means you weren't in Europe at a boarding school?"

"No, I lived in Canada up until a few days before school started. I have a cabin up there."

We sat in silence for a while, me still on his lap, with his hand running up and down my back. I wasn't sure where we stood. He had said he loved me, but I still wasn't sure if the information I had told him had sunk in.

"How old are the Cullens?"

"Well, Carlisle is the oldest. He was born sometime in the 1640s. He was alone until he found Esme, dying at the bottom of a cliff in 1921. He changed her into a vampire to save her life."

"She fell off a cliff?"

"No, she jumped off the cliff. She was committing suicide because her baby had died."

"But Carlisle decided to save her anyway?"

"Yes. He knew he was in love with her. He had met her when she was 16, but he left the area soon after, wanting to keep her safe from him. He knew then that she was his mate, but she went on to get married to an abusive man and got pregnant. She left her husband when she found out she was expecting, but the baby died soon after childbirth. The fact that she had wanted to die was apparently inconsequential to him."

"Is she happy now?"

"I guess so. I think she carries the scars from her human life, but she loves Carlisle."

"And what about Alice and Jasper? Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Well, Carlisle and Esme moved to upstate New York after she was changed and had adjusted to the new lifestyle. One night, Esme was out walking and she came across Rosalie, beaten and dying in the streets."

"What happened to her?"

"They found out later she had been gang-raped by her fiancé and his friends and then left for dead. Esme ran her back to Carlisle, seeing something in this girl that she identified with, and had Carlisle change her. A couple of years later, Rosalie found Emmett dying in the woods after being attacked by a bear. Again, Rosalie carried Emmett to Carlisle, and he changed him, too."

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Well, their story is a bit strange. Jasper was turned during the Civil War and was the second-in-command to the general of a giant vampire army in the late nineteenth century."

"What?"

"Yeah, I'll tell you about the vampire wars another time. Anyway, when Alice woke up from her change, she was alone and had absolutely no memory of her human life. But, she could see the future, and she saw Jasper's face in her mind. She knew that he was her mate before she even understood the concept. Eventually, she found Jasper and then they found the Cullens."

Edward was quiet for a moment. "You keep saying 'mate.' What does that mean?"

Of all the pieces of information Edward could have picked up from this conversation, of course, it would be that one.

"Well, vampires only fall in love once. With their mate. When it happens, it's instantaneous and it's powerful. Carlisle and Rosalie both saw that their mates were dying, and they saved them the only way they knew how."

"That's why you were alone? You hadn't found your mate yet?" His voice was oddly devoid of emotion.

"Yes, exactly."

Edward became very still and slowly, but deliberately, pushed me off his lap.

"So, what? You're just dating around until you find this mate of yours?" I was shocked. I couldn't say anything. Did he not realize what was going on here? He took my silence the wrong way, though. "It's true, isn't it? You're just biding your time with me?"

"No!"

"Then what are we doing here?" He looked so angry, but worse, he looked hurt. My heart tore in my chest. How could he not understand that he was everything to me?

"Edward, _you_ are my mate."

"What?" The hurt and anger were replaced with a look of sheer shock, then utter relief.


	11. Chapter 11

"You are my mate. That day…in Biology, do you remember? You made me laugh, and I felt so happy with you. I knew then; I would do anything for you."

At my words, Edward's face split into a huge grin, and he pulled me back onto his lap.

"Really? Is that true? Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I'm sure. Edward…" I gulped and shifted uncomfortably in his lap, uncertain as to how to say what I wanted. I knew the words, and I knew it was true, but saying it was an entirely different matter.

"What is it?" He looked concerned, and reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear, running his fingers down one long strand and giving it a small tug.

"I…I love you." I swallowed back the lump in my throat. Those words had rarely crossed my lips in my vampire life, and I had never said it enough to the people who counted in my human life.

"I love you, too, Bella. But you already knew that."

I gave a weak laugh. "Yeah, I did. But, it's still nice to hear."

He leaned forward and ran his lips along my neck, before a huge yawn escaped him. I looked at the clock on the stove. It was after 11:00 and our night had been pretty eventful.

I laughed a little. "You're tired."

"Yeah, I should probably go to sleep soon," he said, as he yawned again. "Are you tired?"

"Oh, well, no. I don't sleep."

"So, you're active all the time? How does your body support that? And you said you only ate every two weeks or so…"

"I have no idea. You should talk to Carlisle about that if you want actual answers."

"Oh, okay. Well, what do you at night?"

I shrugged. "Read mostly. I write some, too."

"Huh." He looked confused.

"Why? What would you do?"

He blushed, and I felt the heat of it emanating onto the skin of my neck. "I don't know what I'd do." He laughed awkwardly. "Probably spy on people." He said this like he was joking around, but I got the sense that he meant every word of it.

I slid off his lap, not wanting to keep him up any later than I already had. "I should probably get going." I lingered by the door. I wanted to stay with him, to watch him sleep, run my fingers through his hair, catalogue all his perfect imperfections. Now that everything was out in the open, I wanted to spend every moment with him, even if he wasn't conscious.

As he stood up and slowly stretched, his t-shirt rode up and revealed his stomach, where I could see just the smallest hint of hair trailing into his pants. I was transfixed by this and it caught me by surprise when he began speaking again.

"They're black again."

"Um…what?" Though his shirt had come back down, my eyes were still locked on his stomach…and lower. I snapped my eyes back to his face.

"Your eyes. They're black. What heightened emotion are you feeling now?" He walked slowly toward me and I looked away in embarrassment. "It's okay, Bella. I feel the same way."

I wasn't sure if that was true, but I appreciated the sentiment.

He took my hand and pulled me towards the steps. "Do you want to stay?"

I nodded my head, a little too eagerly perhaps, because he laughed a little at me.

When we got upstairs, he led me to the first door on the right. I was expecting it to be his room, so I was surprised when I was faced with row after row of bookshelves, stuffed with hundreds of books. I immediately went into the room and began to run my fingers over the spines of the books.

"This was your mom's library?" I asked, remembering him mentioning it during our discussions of _Wicked. _I looked back to where he was lingering in the doorway.

"Yeah, it is. I thought you might want to pick out a book or two to read tonight while I'm asleep."

"Why don't you show me how it's organized so I can pick something out?"

"Um, actually, I'd rather not. I don't really like coming in here. I've actually only been in here two or three times since she died. It just reminds me too much of her." He shifted uncomfortably and looked down the hallway. "I'm going to go make sure my bedroom looks okay. Pick up some stuff, that sort of thing."

I could hear him walk down the hallway and into his bedroom, where he plopped down on the bed and gave a heavy sigh. There were no sounds of movement in the room, just him sitting there, breathing heavily.

I wandered around the room a little, picking out a book or two at random. He thought I would be bored while he slept, but I was guessing that I would be completely engrossed by him, as I always was.

On one of the shelves, there was a picture of Edward, looking much younger. It was a school picture, I guessed, and he looked to be about 11 or 12 years old. He had a toothy grin, complete with braces. I giggled a little at the sight.

There was a desk in the middle of the room, and there were more pictures. I walked quickly over to them, impatient to get back to the real Edward but also desperately wanting more clues about who Edward used to be. There was one large photo, displayed in an elaborate silver frame, of Edward with his parents. It was a casual photo, but a very good one. His parents stood on either side of him, his father in slacks and a tie with a brown leather bomber jacket and his mother in a beautiful black dress with ornate beading, and they all had their arms around each other and large smiles plastered on their faces. It was very recent, Edward looking to be about 16 or 17, and he looked to be a perfect mixture of all his parents' best features. His mother's auburn hair and straight nose, his father's bright green eyes and strong jawline. He looked particularly dashing in a black suit and tie. I wasn't sure what the occasion was, but I did know that the happiness and contentment that shone out of Edward in this picture, though it seemed so natural to him there, was a rare thing now.

With my heart twisting for all he had lost, I followed his scent to his room. He was still sitting on his bed, with his elbows on his knees. He looked up at me with impossibly sad eyes. I immediately put the books down on his bedside table and sat next to him, pulling us both down so that we laid together on the bed. He put his head on my chest and sniffled just a little. My eyes pricked with tears that wouldn't fall for him.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I think I just want to go to bed."

"Okay." I watched as he got up and went to his attached bathroom, returning a few minutes later, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. Again, I was transfixed, but I pushed those feelings away when I saw his still sad face.

"Sorry, this is just what I typically wear to bed. I don't even think I own PJ pants."

"I'm not complaining." He cracked a small smile at this, before turning the lights off and crawling into bed. I stayed over the covers, not wanting him to be too cold, but he still snuggled up to me. We were both laying on our sides, facing each other. I ran my fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes and brought his head to lay on my chest. He started talking while I lazily continued running my fingers through his hair.

"They had gone to Seattle for the weekend. They did that sometimes when I got old enough to be left by myself. They were just enjoying a romantic weekend together. They were supposed to come back Sunday night. I tried to stay up for them, but I eventually fell asleep. I was woken up by the phone ringing. It was a detective from the Seattle police department, telling me my parents had been killed in a mugging." His voice broke at this, and he began to cry. I held him tighter, but I knew there was nothing I could do about his pain. "The detective told me that my dad had died trying to save my mom, but that whoever murdered them was too strong and killed them both. I never got too many details, but it was apparently a pretty gruesome murder scene."

"When was this?" I asked, in a quiet voice.

"Last April. I was going to turn 18 in June, so the social worker who came to talk to me after my parents died just delayed the paperwork a bit. I was able to stay in the house. My parents were well-off and they had been smart, so money won't be an issue for me for a long time. I didn't go back to school after that and finished my junior year over the summer through correspondence."

We stopped talking after that, and he fell asleep with his head still leaning on my chest, and tears still streaking his face. I rubbed his shoulders and stroked his head, though that made me feel a bit strange, like he was my pet instead of the love of my life. It was still a strange concept that I was trying to wrap my head around. I had found the one I truly belonged with and he was a human with a broken heart. But he was mine and I was his, and for once, I felt confident that I would stick around and work through this with him.

It was several hours later when he began to stir. I watched, fascinated, as he turned first onto his back and then onto his stomach, before settling into complete stillness. His body temperature dropped slightly, and his eyes began to move rapidly. I moved my body closer to him, wanting to crawl inside his head to see what he was dreaming about.

Suddenly, he jerked awake. Were humans always this active when they slept? He immediately reached for me, pulling himself to lay on top of me and I felt the evidence of exactly what he'd been dreaming about between my legs.

He kissed me with intense passion, moving his hips over mine in a steady rhythm. Apparently, we were skipping the niceties and getting straight down to business. Not that I was complaining. I moaned loudly, not sure if he was really awake or still dreaming. I decided it didn't matter and tentatively moved my own hips to match his rhythm. He groaned appreciatively, and moved one hand into my hair while he moved his lips to my neck and he placed the other hand on my hip, clutching and releasing in time with his thrusts.

"Is this…is this okay?" His speech was slightly slurred, and he definitely sounded like he was half-asleep.

I actually laughed a little. "Yes, of course, it's okay. It's more than welcome."

He didn't respond, and I slid one of my hands down his side, snaking it around to his front. He immediately knew what I wanted and moved his hips to let my hand down his boxers. Vague memories of various sexual escapades from my human life flitted into my mind. I had done this before, but I could hardly remember it. He jumped a little when my hand came in contact with him. I pulled back immediately, frustrated with myself for being so cold and, frankly, so unnatural.

"I'm sorry. My hands are cold. I'm sorry." I balled my hands into fists, pulling them above my head. I looked away from him, feeling horrible for not even being able to please my mate.

"No, Bella, please. Please, don't stop." He put his hand on my face, turning it until our eyes met, before kissing me deeply.

Again, I moved my hand down to his boxers, before slowly reaching in to touch him. He jerked his hips forward at my touch and panted into my mouth. I was afraid to hurt him, but I rationalized that I used pencils and opened car doors every day. I knew roughly the amount of pressure I needed to exert so as not to hurt him.

He made the appropriate moans and groans and I couldn't help the fact that my hips were moving in time with my hand. And then suddenly, he went completely still and I felt him jerk in my hands, letting a long, low moan escape his lips.

He collapsed onto the bed next to me, and promptly fell soundly asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Edward stirred again several hours later. After our nighttime escapades, he had slept soundly. When he finally opened his eyes, he looked around, like he was confused by his surroundings, until he saw me. He smiled at me and started to scoot closer to me, but stopped abruptly and grimaced.

"Why am I sticky?"

I giggled, perhaps a little hysterically. Was he seriously going to pretend that he didn't remember?

I could see how hard he was working to remember what happened, his brows pulled down and his eyes darting back and forth. His face cleared and he blinked twice before turning bright red. I had seen Edward blush before, but never so violently.

"We…I, I mean, we did…stuff last night."

"Yes, stuff was done by us last night."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I was half asleep and I thought it was a dream." He looked down at me, then, and saw that I was fully dressed, exactly how I was the night before when we went to bed. "I didn't even take your clothes off. I completely took advantage of you. I'm sorry."

"Edward, no. You didn't take advantage of me. You can't physically take advantage of me. It's impossible." He did not look appeased by this. Apparently, I was going to have to spell this out for him. "I wanted to do _stuff_ as much as you did last night. I promise, Edward."

He was not willing to let this go. "I was selfish." I shrugged. That was okay. It honestly didn't matter to me. "Can I make it up to you?" His hand slowly crept up my shirt, and rested on my stomach, his fingers softly stroking my skin.

And for some inexplicable reason, I suddenly didn't want to let him. I felt incredibly shy and inexplicably embarrassed in the full light of the morning sun filtering in through his window. I pushed Edward's hand out of my shirt. "Shouldn't you clean up or something?"

I thought he would just get up to go to the bathroom, and that would be the end of it, but instead he looked exceedingly hurt and confused.

"Am I misunderstanding this…mating thing? I thought you had said that you wanted me the same way. Is that not true?"

He was doubting himself. Because of me. This would not do. "I do want you, Edward, I do. I'm sorry."

"Did I do something wrong? I feel like I keep messing up."

"No, you didn't do anything wrong. At all. Possibly ever. It's just me. I don't know. I got nervous. I…I haven't done this in a long time."

"How long?"

"Since I was human. And I don't really remember it, so I'm not even sure it counts." He looked strangely relieved when I admitted I didn't have much experience, but still troubled.

"So, I did pressure you last night. You didn't want to do that."

"No, I don't mind doing stuff to you. I like it."

"Well, that's just not going to work." Most guys would have been happy with this arrangement, but, of course, Edward wasn't most guys, even when it came to physical pleasure. "You can't do those things to me and not let me return the favor. It's not fair. We'll work our way up to things. Together."

"Fine."

"Okay, now I'm seriously going to go to the bathroom."

While Edward was taking care of his stickiness issues, I got a text from Alice.

_Invite Edward over to stargaze with the family tonight._

I called her immediately and as soon as she picked up, I started talking. "Is that an invitation or a command?" I paused, then realized the answer didn't matter. "Scratch that. It doesn't matter, because we're not coming over."

"Why don't you ask Edward what he wants to do?" I felt like I had limited time with Edward already, between the hours we were separated at school and his need for sleep. I didn't want to share him, but I didn't feel that I needed to explain this to Alice. "Fine, I'm coming in thirty minutes to ask myself. And Bella?"

"What?"

"He'll say yes."

"Fine, I'll do it myself."

"Thanks! See you guys at nine."

I was still grumbling when Edward stepped out of the bathroom, wearing clean boxers and an undershirt. His hair was wet and he had pushed it back out, but pieces were falling in his eyes and dripping onto his face. His tongue darted out to catch a drop that had landed on his bottom lip. I was a cobra and he was my snake charmer. I wondered if he knew that I would do just about anything for him right now. My anger toward Alice faded into nothingness.

"Do you want to go stargazing tonight with the Cullens?"

"Stargazing with the Cullens?" He seemed confused by this.

"Yeah, at the house."

"Sure, that sounds great. Was this your idea?" He was pulling a pair of jeans on, and I mourned the disappearance of his legs. Who knew I liked legs so much?

"Well, no. Alice made me ask you."

"Do you want to go?"

"I don't mind going, if you want to go."

"Yeah, I think it could be fun. What time?"

"She said to be there at nine. I should probably go back there soon, to change and stuff. Should I pick you up at 8:30?"

"That's fine." He was buttoning his shirt and not making eye contact with me. "You could come over earlier than that, if you wanted. We could watch a movie or something."

I was extremely pleased with this turn of events. I knew that I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Edward, but I was never quite certain if he felt the same way. "I'd like that. I'll come over at 5?"

I got up from the bed and stood in front of him, slowly running my hands over the fabric of his shirt on his chest. He pressed forward on my hands and I took the hint to rub a little harder.

"Mmm. Sounds good."

I leaned up on my toes to reach his mouth, giving him a lingering kiss. As always, he pulled me in and deepened the kiss. I moved my hands up his chest, onto his neck. I could feel his blood beating rhythmically against my hands, and I realized that instead of wanting to feed, I had the desire to move my hips in time to the beat of his heart. So I did just that.

He groaned and crushed me back against the dresser behind me, which crashed loudly against the wall, causing several items to fall to the ground.

He broke the kiss. "Sorry, I'm sorry."

I reminded him I wasn't breakable and pulled him back down to kiss some more. After several minutes, he pulled away, wobbling just a little and giving me a small smile. He looked a little dazed.

"Why does that happen?"

I was a little dazed myself and had no idea what he was talking about. "What do you mean? Why does what happen?"

"My lips tingle when I kiss you, and I get really light-headed."

"I have venom instead of other bodily fluids. So no blood, sweat, tears. It's even replaced my saliva. It's meant to stun our victims before we kill them." It was a brutal reminder of my true nature. I wondered how he would feel knowing that he was kissing a predator perfectly designed to kill humans – like him.

"Oh, well, I like it." I was stunned.

"How can you say that, Edward? Didn't you hear what I had to say? My venom isn't meant to help me be a better kisser; it's meant to help me be a better killer."

"Do you want to kill me?"

"No! Of course not, but that's not the point."

"Yes, it is. I'm safe with you. You've never wanted to harm me, right?"

"I've never _wanted_ to harm you, but, well, the thought has crossed my mind." I registered the shocked expression on his face. I needed him to understand the risks involved in being with me, but as soon as it looked like it had sunk in, I started backpedaling. "Only for a second. I was just overwhelmed at the time."

"It's okay, Bella. It really is. It's just your nature." He still seemed troubled, though, and took a step back. He was silent for a few moments. I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet. He seemed to be processing this new information. "When was it?"

"It was right before our first kiss. You had hugged me, and my face was in your neck and then my ear was over your chest. It was so loud, and sounded so wet. I promise it was just a momentary lapse."

"That's why you backed away when I kissed you?"

"Yes. But, I was okay right after that." He still seemed concerned, and I couldn't help the pleading tone my voice took on as I stepped toward him. "Please don't be afraid of me." I had wanted him to know the risks, not fear me. He snapped his eyes to look at me.

"I'm not afraid of you."

"Then what's wrong?" I wanted to touch him, but I didn't know if he would want that. My hands hovered awkwardly in the gulf of space between us.

"I feel bad that you felt like that. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in my presence."

I laughed at this. "Edward, I don't feel uncomfortable in your presence. In fact, I have never felt more at ease with a person than I do when I'm with you."

"Really?"

"Yes. You may have noticed that I don't exactly get along with the Cullens. I have been around very few other people in my vampire life, and those weren't the best experiences either. You put me at complete ease."

"I feel the same way about you. Since my parents died, I've felt uncomfortable and awkward around pretty much everyone. Except you."

I tried to keep the smug smile off my face, but I couldn't deny the fact that I was happy that Edward felt at ease with me. "Thank you. And, really, you don't have to do anything differently, in regard to the blood thing. It really was a fluke."

He smiled and kissed me again. "So, I'll see you at five?"

"Yes, I'll be here."

"Okay." He paused for a second, looking unsure again. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He seemed inordinately pleased that I had said it back and I felt the tiniest bit of guilt that he doubted that I would do so. I guessed that I didn't have the best track record.

As we walked down the stairs, I heard Alice pull up outside. She spoke to me from the car. "Did you two just exchange declarations of love? That was so sweet."

I smiled and rolled my eyes, which did not go unnoticed by Edward. "What?"

"Alice is here."

He looked confused. "How did she know when to pick you up?"

"She sees the future, remember?"

"Oh, that's right. I think you might have said something about that."

He walked outside with me and Alice met us in the driveway.

"Hi, Edward! I hear you're coming over to our house tonight."

"Hello, Alice. I hear that you forced Bella to ask me to come over."

"I didn't force her. I would never do that." The look of faux innocence in her eye couldn't be missed.

"Yeah, right." They shared an amused look and I was surprised at the sharp kick of jealousy I felt in witnessing their interaction. I wasn't sure if it was because someone else was being entertaining to Edward or if it was the ease with which he seemed to get along with Alice.

"Come on, Bella. Let's leave Edward alone for a while."

"Um, okay. Bye, Edward." He leaned down to kiss me, but I turned away slightly and his lips landed on my cheek instead. I gave him an apologetic look and shrugged. It felt weird kissing in front of other people, especially Alice. He smiled, and I think he understood what I meant.

"I'll see you later."

==/==/==

Alice and I got in her car, and she pulled out and turned towards the house, all the while giving me a long look.

"What?"

"So…how are things going?"

"Things are going fine."

"Just fine, Bella? Really? He knows, now. Everything. How does that feel?"

"It feels fine, I guess." I knew I was putting her off, but I really didn't want to talk about my feelings with her. Mostly because that would mean I would have to examine my feelings.

I glanced over at her, surprised that she hadn't kept bugging me about it. Her face was drawn and she looked so…sad, frustrated, perhaps?

"What's wrong, Alice? Did you have a vision?"

"No, Bella, I didn't." She was silent for a moment. "Why won't you talk to me? You used to tell me everything, now you won't even talk to me about the weather."

Attempting to use humor to deflect the situation, I said, "What? The weather is cloudy, as always. It's convenient." I smiled a little, to let her know I was joking, but she apparently didn't think it was that funny.

"Fine, Bella, whatever. I'm sorry to have bothered you." We had pulled up to the Cullen house by now and she was getting out of the car. I could not have screwed that conversation up anymore than I had.

I got out of the car quickly, rushing to catch up with her. "I was scared. I thought he would hate me for it. Then I was relieved that he didn't freak out, but then I got freaked out because he wasn't freaking out. He ended up calming me down about it. He was better at the conversation than I was. He never ceases to amaze me."

We had reached the room she and Jasper shared at this point. She opened the door and we both looked in to find Jasper laying on the bed with his eyes closed. He looked, amazingly enough, like he was asleep. I gave Alice a questioning look.

"Oh, sometimes he 'rests' for a while. Apparently he chants a folk song in his head. It's like meditating."

"That's….interesting." I didn't really see the appeal, but I didn't want to burst his bubble. Jasper still hadn't stirred, despite all of our talking. "So, should we go up to my room?"

Alice followed me up the stairs and we settled into our spots on the floor.

"Do you remember when we used to do this when I was human? In the dorms?"

"Yes, I do remember that. I'm surprised you remember it."

"Of course I remember it. Having you as a best friend was one of the best human memories I have. I worked hard to retain it."

Alice grinned. She seemed immensely pleased with this information. Had I never told her what her friendship had meant to me? "So, you said that Edward was calmer? Wait, no, start at the beginning with the muggers."

Though Alice had seen all the events of the previous night in her visions, she still wanted to be talked through it every step of the way. As she put it, "I can only see what's going on, I have no idea how you felt during all of it."

So, I told her everything about the night, including our midnight rendezvous, which was a fairly embarrassing thing to recount to a third party. We talked all the way up until 4:45, when I realized that it was time to go to Edward's house. When I stood to leave, Alice gave me a hug, and for the first time in years, I willingly returned a hug given to me by a Cullen.


	13. Chapter 13

I made it to Edward's house exactly at 5:00, and we put on a movie as a pretext for turning off the lights and cuddling, which quickly developed into a make out session that somehow lasted for the full four hours before we had to go meet the Cullens. It felt nice to not talk about heavy emotional things for a little while. We were just together, the two of us, being ourselves. I had known about the concept of mating before, had witnessed the interactions of other mated pairs, but I had never known that the actuality of it would be this fantastic. I felt at peace and happy. All lingering feelings of my bitterness for this life melted away when I was with Edward. It was pleasant.

By the time we had to leave though, the nerves were back. Frankly, I was terrified of unleashing the Cullens on Edward.

We went out to my truck, and when Edward came to a halt suddenly, I realized he had never seen my truck before.

"What is that?"

"It's a 1953 Chevrolet."

"It's…beautiful. Who restored it?" The truck was in mint condition, with all the original parts.

"Well, Rosalie started it, but then I left and had to finish it myself."

"Why did you pick this truck to fix up?"

"I didn't pick it. It was left to me. It used to be my dad's truck. He died when I was fifteen, so I got the truck then. I took it to college with me and then into this life."

"Well, it's really nice."

We got in after that and we were quiet for the drive over. We pulled up to the Cullen house and Edward commented on its size.

"Oh, yeah, I guess it is fairly large." I was distracted, thinking about my father and my human life. I liked my truck now, in all its restored glory, but I missed the time when it showed its true age. Like myself, it was artificially young, saved from its natural fate by a higher being. It should be old and decrepit, living out the remainder of its life in peace.

Edward got out of the truck, and I was left feeling strangely uncomfortable. He was meant to ride in new Volvos, not trucks pretending to be young.

"Are you okay?"

"What?"

"You seem quiet."

"Oh, just thinking about stuff."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "Bella, talk to me please – I need to know what's going on in your head."

"I don't know what's going on in my head." It was the truth. I couldn't make heads or tails of my own thoughts the majority of the time, let alone explain them to Edward.

"You were thinking about your truck, right? Was it reminding you of your father?"

I hated having this conversation in front of the Cullen house. I knew that Edward didn't realize it, but all of the Cullens had stopped what they were doing and were listening intently to every word.

"Yes, it reminded me of my father and my human life in general. It's an odd reminder, that's all. I was just reflecting on some things." He did not look appeased by this answer at all. "We can talk more about it later, okay?"

"Okay, fine."

I led Edward into the house, pausing in the foyer, and spoke in a whisper, "Everyone, we're here. Come down and meet Edward."

Instantly, six vampires appeared from all sides. Edward jumped a little and his heart picked up. I had finally scared him.

"They were able to hear you?"

Emmett decided to answer. "We've got super-hearing. It comes in handy when you're trying to eavesdrop on people."

"Oh, I see."

Since Edward already knew the siblings, I just introduced him to Carlisle and Esme.

"Edward, this is Carlisle Cullen."

Carlisle gave Edward a firm handshake and leveled a grave look at him. "So, what are your intentions with Bella?"

Edward sputtered a little, clearly surprised by this behavior. I decided to rescue him. "Carlisle, please, stop playing dad and be normal."

Carlisle laughed, quite loudly. He seemed incredibly pleased that he had been able to fool Edward. "Sorry, Edward, just having a little fun. We're glad you're here."

"Oh, thank you, Dr. Cullen."

"It's Carlisle, please. I was just teasing. We're really not that formal around here. You're practically family anyway."

Esme decided it was time to speak up. "Yes, Edward, welcome to the family. I'm so glad Bella has finally met you."

I cringed. It was just a little presumptuous of Esme to assume that Edward wanted to be included in the Cullen family group. I still wasn't sure I wanted to be labeled as such. But, to my intense surprise, Edward hugged Esme with no prompting from her at all. Esme looked like she was ready to burst from happiness.

"Thank you, Esme. I'm glad that I met Bella, too."

"Come on, everyone, the meteor shower is about to start." Emmett made his way up the stairs. I wasn't quite sure where we were going, but apparently everyone else did, because they all headed up the stairs after him.

We went all the way up the stairs, and then into the attic, where we all gathered around the small window at the back.

One by one, the Cullens swung out the window, flipping onto the roof with ease. I glanced at Edward, who looked shocked by this display of physical prowess.

"Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can. Pretty easily actually. The problem is that you can't do that."

"Hmm…that is a problem."

"No, it's not. Come on, Edward." Alice's head was visible through the window, hanging upside down. Edward walked over to her, and she extended a hand. He grasped it firmly, and Alice yelled for Jasper to pull them up.

I rushed over as Edward awkwardly stumbled out the window and was left hanging four stories above the ground. Jasper pulled him up, while I kept a close eye on him. I was fairly certain I could catch him if he fell, but it would probably hurt. I felt myself glowering, annoyed that they would take such a risk with Edward.

When he was pulled all the way up to the roof, I stepped out onto the windowsill. I heard Alice tell Edward to watch me, just as I pushed off and flipped onto the roof. He looked fairly impressed, when I turned around to face him.

I was more impressed with the large flat platform that they had apparently built to stargaze. There were lawn chairs set up, with a pile of blankets, a bowl of popcorn and some soda for Edward. They had been busy.

We got set up on the lawn chairs, which could be pushed back to a reclining position.

Rosalie spoke up after a few moments of silence. "Hey, Emmett, why don't you tell everyone what you've been studying?" It sounded suspiciously like a canned line that he had asked her to say.

It became even more apparent that this is exactly what was going on when Emmett replied formally, "Thank you, Rose. Everyone, I've been doing quite a bit of studying on astronomy, and have learned a number of interesting things."

He proceeded to deliver a fascinating lecture on various aspects of astronomy, while we laid back and watched the Orionid meteor shower above our heads.

Emmett concluded his speech and we all applauded his efforts. He seemed immensely pleased with himself. It was not often that Emmett was known as the smart one, but when he dedicated himself to a subject, he was capable of extraordinary things.

Everyone, including myself, was surprised when Edward spoke up. "I have a question."

"Yes?"

"You were talking about the Doppler effect. What was that?"

"Oh, well, I didn't want to go into too much detail, because, honestly, it gets a little boring, but essentially, astronomers use the Doppler effect to measure how fast the universe is expanding. The term 'redshift' is used when an object, like a galaxy, is moving away from the Earth. Blueshifts are more rare in astronomy, but they do sometimes occur when the arm of a galaxy is moving back towards us."

I could see it clearly in my mind's eye, lonely galaxies drifting away from us, but some of them reaching their arms back toward us. Edward nodded his head solemnly and thanked Emmett for his answer.

The Cullens broke up into smaller groups, talking amongst themselves. Edward and I sat on the edge of the platform, with my head resting on his shoulder. I was contemplating how soon Edward and I could leave to go back to his house, when Carlisle approached us.

"So, you're interested in science, Edward?"

"A little. Rarely the stuff we go through in school, though. Oh, Bella told me to ask you about this, but how are vampires able to stay awake all the time while only feeding every couple of weeks?"

"That's a good question. I presume that you realize that the mystery lies in how we are able to maintain constant energy with a seemingly limited amount of food to supply us with this energy."

"Yes, I mean, aren't vampires just perpetual motion machines? You're breaking the law of energy conservation. You produce significantly more energy than you consume."

"Well, typically, the concept of perpetual motion and energy conservation is applied to physics and mechanics, and not physiology. You know, I talked to James Clerk Maxwell about this once…"

I slipped away from their conversation, sensing that it would continue for quite a while, though I was at a bit of a loss at to who to talk to. If Edward wasn't here, I would have left already, not feeling the urge to stick around and chit-chat. But, Edward was here, so I was stuck. And, as he seemed to be getting along surprisingly well with Carlisle, I figured I would leave them be.

Alice and Emmett were chatting about the start of the baseball playoffs, while Esme, Jasper and Rosalie were discussing details of our next cover story when we had to leave Forks. They were, in fact, discussing the inclusion of Edward and I in these plans.

"Obviously, Rosalie and I are the best suited for posing as siblings, since we have similar coloring. We'll probably want to stay away from the Hale last name for a while. I think we've been using it too much."

Rosalie looked completely put out by this turn of events. "I think we could get away with using it again. We'll be far away from Forks and everyone here. It won't matter."

I wasn't sure what Rosalie's obsession with using her last name was, but she had always insisted on it. Esme, very gently, put her foot down this time. "You can use it the time after, Rose. It's just too dangerous to use it again right away."

Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest in a very petulant fashion, but didn't argue any further. Jasper continued with his earlier point. "And, of course, Bella and Emmett can pose as siblings as well. Alice was always the odd one out before, but now it seems Edward will have to be explained too. It might be tough with the eight of us."

"I think he could pass as my nephew or cousin. We have a similar tone to our hair, if not the exact same color. Perhaps we could say his parents died, and he came to live with us." Esme trailed off and they all appeared to be thinking more on the topic.

I had been mostly silent throughout their conversation, lingering at the outskirts of their group, but at this I felt my anger flare. I saw Jasper snap his head to me, just as I began to address Esme. "His parents did die, so it's not just some stupid cover story to make your lives easier in the next town. It's what he's living every day. But thanks for asking us what we were going to do when he graduates. It wasn't at all presumptuous of you to assume we'll be staying with you."

I noticed the entire platform had gone quiet, the only sound coming from the heavy beat of Edward's heart. I glanced back at him and held his gaze for a minute. He seemed anxious and confused, probably wondering why I was yelling at the Cullens in the midst of our nice family gathering. And once again, I was the one who ended up looking like the jerk in this situation.

Esme made a move to walk toward me, but I shied away, moving closer to Edward. I stepped into him, turning so that my back met his chest. He put one protective arm around my chest and the other settled on my hip, slowly stroking it with his thumb. I immediately felt calmer, but I was still angry.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, the Cullens were just deciding our futures for us. Isn't that nice of them?" I couldn't help the biting tone my voice had to it.

My anger was bubbling to the surface again, despite the fact that Edward was trying his best to soothe me. He pressed a kiss to the back of my head. I actually fidgeted a little, my anger and frustration needing a physical outlet.

Jasper spoke up in his own defense. "We were just brainstorming, Bella. There was nothing malicious about it. It's just a possibility, if you two do decide to come with us."

Esme's eyes were shining with unshed tears. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to be so callous about it."

"I'm still not entirely sure what's going on." I looked up at Edward, who looked very confused still.

"They were concocting potential cover stories to tell people the next time they move. They assumed that we would be going with them, both as vampires. You were going to be Esme's cousin, whose parents had died tragically, leaving you to the Cullens." I felt Edward stiffen behind me as I caught him up to speed, especially when I got to the part about his parents dying.

"Oh." Edward's voice sounded very, very small as he processed this new information. It was a brutal introduction to life in the Cullen clan, one I had hoped he would never have to experience. "Can we go?"

I turned to Edward. "Of course. Emmett, will you help us down?"

I didn't exactly need Emmett's help to get either myself or Edward down, but I figured it would make Edward more comfortable to have two of us. I scrambled down into the window, and Emmett dangled Edward all the way over the side. Again, I squashed my fear that Edward would go plummeting to the ground. I knew I could catch him if he fell, but I still doubted my abilities enough to worry that I would let him be harmed. I caught him cleanly as Emmett swung him in, and Edward gracefully landed on his feet.

We faced each other for a long moment, not saying anything. There was too much to say, too much to explain, so, for now, I said the only thing that mattered.

"I love you, Edward."


	14. Chapter 14

We made it back to Edward's house without having said a single word to each other. We had held hands the entire way and I had opened my mouth to speak several times, but I couldn't formulate the words that needed to be said. I felt like I should apologize to him about the Cullens or perhaps try to explain their actions away.

I supposed I understood, on some level, their thinking in planning the next story they would need to blend in with the humans, but to speak about it so coldly, with Edward just a few feet away, seemed like a new low.

I pulled into the driveway next to Edward's Volvo, but before I could even turn to him, he was already out of the truck. I expected him to storm into the house, but instead he came around to my side of the truck, pulling the door open and extending his hand to help me out.

He continued holding my hand as we walked into the house, where we were greeted by Clyde, who growled softly at me. This was an improvement over the last several times I had seen him. Perhaps he was getting used to me or perhaps he just didn't want to be locked in the backyard again. Regardless, he padded off to some other part of the house, leaving Edward and I standing in the foyer.

"Do you want to come up to my room? I think we need to talk about some things."

I just nodded, and we made our way up the stairs to his room. We sat on his bed, facing each other, with our legs tucked under our bodies.

I felt I should begin this conversation. "I'm sorry that the Cullens spoke so callously about your parents' deaths. It wasn't right and I wish more than anything that I could have prevented you from hearing that."

"It's okay." He swallowed thickly and the sadness in his eyes betrayed the fact that it wasn't actually okay. "I'm sorry that I had to leave so quickly. I just didn't feel comfortable staying there."

"Edward, please, you have nothing to apologize for. You wanting to leave probably prevented a pretty big fight from occurring, so it was probably for the best." I scooted closer to him, not liking the distance between us. I put my hands on his thighs and rubbed them slowly back and forth. "And it's really not okay."

"No, it's really not, but what can we do about it? I think they understood why it wasn't right. After all, they've been dealing with these situations for years, right? It's probably just habit by now to talk about these things in a detached kind of way. They obviously know what they're doing."

"I guess that's true." I found myself wanting to argue with him, wanting him to be as angry with the Cullens as I was, but this was overshadowed by the distaste I felt at the idea of corrupting his innocent and slightly naïve view of the world.

We were quiet for a while. I didn't really know if there was still more to be said or if the conversation was effectively over for the moment.

Edward made the decision for me when he asked if I was ready for bed. I shrugged. I wasn't entirely sure how I could get ready for bed when I wasn't going to be sleeping. I laid down and toed off my shoes, feeling about as ready as ever. I put my hands behind my head and looked up at Edward.

He was staring at me, in a purely predatory way. He licked his lips and smiled slowly, before shaking his head and looking away. He laughed a little at himself and I couldn't help but laugh a little with him.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, well, nothing. I guess I just like seeing you in my bed. It's a bit of a sight for sore eyes." He gave me a winning smile and turned to go into the bathroom.

He returned from the bathroom, again clad only in boxer shorts. I wasn't sure I would ever get used to the sight of so much of Edward's skin at once. I found I wanted to taste it, but not for sustenance. Though, time with Edward was something that I was coming to depend on. He climbed into bed next to me and tugged on the bottom of my sweater before skimming his hand over my jeans at the hip.

"Are you sure you don't want to change into anything more comfortable? I have some shorts and a t-shirt you could sleep in."

"No, it's okay. I won't really be any more comfortable in that, so I'm not sure there's much of a point, you know?" He looked a little disappointed, which left me feeling a confused. "Do you want me to change?"

"Honestly?" I nodded my head. I would always want his honesty. "Yes. It seems strange to me that you would wear your regular clothes to bed." He was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking about something. I waited to see what else he had to say about the topic, having a feeling that this was about more than just sleep attire. "I feel like, well, I'm not really sure. I feel like you're just going to leave in the middle of the night and I won't ever see you again."

I was shocked and a little hurt that he would think I could just leave him so easily. "I'm…I'm not going to leave you, Edward. I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

"I know. I just worry sometimes. I feel like you'll finally get annoyed enough with the Cullens and just leave."

I laughed a little, and put my hands on his face. "Edward, if I left, I would take you with me." That got him to smile, but I still felt the need to reassure him. "I promise, you are a permanent part of my life now. There is no Bella without Edward. Everything else I can do without, except you." I kissed him softly.

"Thank you for saying that, Bella. I needed to hear that and I'm glad I'm not alone in that feeling."

"Of course you're not. Now where are those clothes?"

He hopped up happily and dug in his dresser, emerging with some athletic shorts and a t-shirt. I got up, too, taking the clothes from him and heading into the bathroom to change. I got undressed, but before I put his clothes on, I held them to my face and took a few deep breaths. They smelled more like laundry detergent than him, but his own distinct, heavenly smell was there, too, embedded into the fabric. Realizing that the person attached to the smell was still waiting on the other side of the door, I quickly pulled the shorts and top on, feeling a bit like a pervert for getting so much pleasure from smelling his clothing.

I emerged from the bathroom to find Edward still standing by the dresser. He smiled at me as he looked me up and down.

"I like that. It's a good look for you."

I rolled my eyes at his teasing. The shirt and shorts were both several times too big for me and hung loosely on my frame. "Shut up. I look ridiculous."

His face got very serious. "No, you don't. You look absolutely gorgeous. As always." His intense stare was almost too much to handle and I looked away. It was one thing to know that I was beautiful and to see the enhanced beauty that being a vampire had given me, but it was another thing entirely for the man that I loved to tell me I was beautiful. He put his hand on my chin and I let him turn my face to look at him. "I love you, Bella. I know you're not going anywhere, but I just worry sometimes."

"Good, I'm glad you know that, because it's the truth."

He pulled me toward the bed and playfully pushed me down onto it. I bounced a little and let out an embarrassingly girlish giggle. He climbed on top of me, covering my body with his and wetly kissing and licking my neck. I squirmed underneath him, both hating and loving the feeling of his kisses. I was caught in the awkward stage between laughing and moaning, but when he bit down and sucked, all laughter was forgotten.

He bucked his hips into me, but then pulled back suddenly. "Is this okay?"

Was he kidding? "Yes, it's fine. Please, don't stop."

He wasted no time returning to his prior activities. However, instead of biting my neck, he moved to my lips, nibbling and sucking on them. I was making little noises in the back of my throat and I moved my legs apart slightly so that Edward could lay between them. He fit so perfectly against me. We quickly fell into a rhythm with our hips, which led to many satisfied groans from Edward. Was there a better sound in the world?

Still kissing me, he slipped his hand down my side, past my hip and to the back of my knee. He hitched my leg over his hip, sliding his hand inside the loose-fitting shorts and palming my hip in his hand. He ground himself against me, using his grip to pull me into him. It felt glorious beyond description. I knew I was stronger and faster and had the ability to physically resist any of his actions, but it felt remarkably good to let him take the lead. I would have never thought I would feel comfortable giving up control to anyone. I had railed against it for the majority of my vampire life, but I knew I could trust Edward. He wouldn't let me down.

With his hand still on my hip, he began sweeping his thumb over the bone there, inching it further to the inside of my hip, but he stopped suddenly.

"You're not wearing underwear."

"Um, no, I'm not." I could not read the expression on his face at all.

"That's…pretty hot, actually."

I laughed uproariously at this, amazed that something so simple would excite him. He laughed with me, and I couldn't resist adding to his knowledge. "Well, you might be pleasantly surprised to find that I am also not wearing a bra."

His eyes, which had been staring straight into my own, now wandered down to my chest, where he stared, wide-eyed. "Really?" His voice actually squeaked a little. It was adorable. Apparently, he liked the fact that I wore no undergarments.

"Yes, really." I decided I could afford to be a little bold. "But, you don't have to take my word for it…you could always check for yourself. You know, just to double-check."

His hand slowly reached up from its place on my hip to hover over my chest. His mouth was slightly open and his heart started beating even faster than it had previously. "You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." His eyes met mine and he looked torn between worry over my comfort level and an intense desire to touch me. I touched his face, seeking to reassure him. "I promise."

His hand came down on my chest, still covered by his shirt. His hand was big and covered my whole breast completely. He just held it there, before he very slowly moved it so that just the tips of his fingers skimmed along the outside edge and then into the center. I let out a breath, luxuriating in the sensation, wanting more but not knowing if I could handle it. As soon as my breath hit his face though, his hand tightened on me and he groaned loudly.

He kissed me, sloppily and intensely, before dragging his lips down my neck and biting me again. My hands, which had been resting lightly on his back, now moved into his hair, where they tightened in the strands. He moved his head down and skimmed his nose over the center of my breast, leaving kisses along the way.

His hand made his way down my side, again landing on my hip, which he grasped possessively. He slid his hand up slightly, under my shirt, and he traveled the same path that he had above the shirt.

When his hand hit my bare chest, I went completely still. It was full sensory overload. His mouth on my sternum, breathing out warm air through my shirt, his hips pressed against the side of my own, letting me know exactly how much he was enjoying himself, his leg between my own legs, pressing into me in a way that was slowly driving me insane, his hair laying feather soft against my lips, the smell of him all around me, and now his hand on my breast – it was all too much. I had never known such a feeling existed.

He paused, too, looking up at me with apprehensive eyes. I noticed, though, that his hand never moved.

"You okay?"

"Yes." I twisted away slightly, not sure what I wanted out of this moment. "I think."

"We can stop, if you want." Again, his hand didn't move.

"Um…no. I think it'll be okay."

His hand moved again, going to the center and brushing over it lightly, all while looking into my eyes. He gave me a soft smile, tilting his head up to kiss me. When our lips touched, I decided what I wanted to happen. I flipped us over, faster than Edward would have been able to process and attacked his lips with my own. Since he no longer needed to support his weight with one arm, both hands reached for my chest. I felt the growl start in my throat then emanate down to my chest. It made his hands tremble, which only caused him to tighten his grip.

I ground my hips into his, causing him to break away from our kiss and arch his neck back, panting and groaning. His hands moved around to my back, running over the length of it, again and again, as we moved our hips together.

"Your skin. It's so soft and smooth." Edward was gasping and rasping out these words, looking at me like I was the entire world to him. It was hard for me to comprehend that he could feel the same way about me as I did about him.

"I'm not too cold?"

"No, not at all. I hardly notice it." I rolled my eyes, not believing him for a second. He laughed. "I'm being serious. I'm thinking about too many other things when I touch you to notice the cold."

We had stopped moving, except for his hands continuing to move on my back. I suddenly felt vulnerable. "Like what?" I hated how weak my voice sounded, but I couldn't help it.

Seeming to sense my need for reassurance, Edward sat up, so that our faces nearly touched. "I think about how beautiful you are and how lucky I am that you even talk to me, let alone that you seem to be in love with me. I think about how I don't want to mess this up and that I'm afraid of losing you. I think about how I want to make you happy. Mostly though, I just think about how much I love you."

"Oh." I shifted uncomfortably. He was much better at speeches than I could ever be and he sounded like he meant every word of it. "I think…a lot of those same things, too."

"Well, good." His hands went down to my hips, gripping them tightly. And we fell back into our previous activities and I let myself not worry about whether my skin was too cold or if I was good enough to be with Edward or if Edward loved me as much as I loved him. I could see that he did, and I lost myself to the sensations.


	15. Chapter 15

Edward had fallen asleep soon after finishing our sexual activities the night before. I was worried about going all the way with Edward, not sure of the biology of my venom coming in contact with the more…intimate areas of his body. We were limited in what we could do, but, if I do say so myself, we did well enough within our limitations. It felt good to please my mate, but I wasn't sure if it rivaled my mate pleasing me.

I spent the night, after Edward had fallen into his dreams, contemplating what my reaction to our fight with the Cullens should be. I came to the decision that I would just move into Edward's house. I was sure that he wouldn't mind this, seeing as how I had spent the last couple of nights at his place and he had seemed to enjoy every minute of it. I didn't need to speak to the Cullens for the rest of our time in Forks, and Edward and I could figure out what to do after we graduated on our own.

I contemplated taking him to my cabin. I thought about sitting with him in front of the fire, reading together or laughing and talking. I would have to fix up my kitchen, if Edward was going to come and live with me. A thought flitted through my head, that maybe I wouldn't have to do anything to my kitchen to make Edward comfortable. Maybe Edward would be a vampire at that point. I knew, on some intellectual level, that if I wanted to stay with Edward for as long as I could, that I would have to change him, but I shied away from that thought. To me, that was classified as something that would happen in the far future, meaning I didn't have to think about it right now. Instead, I thought more of spending time with Edward in the sanctuary I had built for myself.

At just that moment, Edward stirred at my side, mumbling about angels and counting. I stroked his hair back from his face and he settled again. I looked into his face and thought of how extraordinarily handsome he was. His mouth hung open a bit in sleep and his bottom lip curved out slightly. I had the sudden desire to bite it. I imagined, for just a brief second, what would happen if I did so, and the image of Edward's blood flowing into my mouth was both intoxicating and revolting. I cut that thought off before it could take root, refusing to entertain the notion of tasting Edward. However, I couldn't stop my mind from imagining a time when Edward was just like me and I could kiss and lick and bite every inch of Edward's body without worrying about harming him. It was a dangerous thought. It would be wrong to steal his humanity just to have sex with him. I had done bad things in my life, but I would never stoop that low.

I pulled my mind away from that path and thought more about Edward in my cabin. The Cullens had never visited. They had wanted to, but I had always put them off, until I had to flat-out refuse to let Esme and Alice come to help decorate it. I had only spent a few years there before Alice tricked me into coming to Forks. I felt like I had won a contest. For spending just one short year in Forks, I got to take Edward home with me and I would never have to be lonely again.

Edward woke up a few hours later, stretching and smiling.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm, yes, I did. Thank you."

"Good." I snuggled up to him, reveling in his warmth. It was like laying out in the sun, warming myself on the rocks, except that Edward was much nicer than any rocks could ever be.

We spent a few minutes quietly cuddling. Edward seemed sleepy still, but I was ready to begin the day. I was just beginning to wonder if I should start telling him about my plan now or later, when he spoke.

"I think we should go see the Cullens today." I was dumbfounded. That was not part of the plan at all.

"I don't think we should do that."

"Why not? I think we need to sort out what happened last night."

"Um…why?"

"So, that we're not left on bad terms. I think it was all a misunderstanding, anyway. I'm sure they didn't mean anything by it."

I was amazed. Shocked. He wanted to make things right with the Cullens? He was being entirely too nice and too forgiving. "No."

"No?" He looked at me for a long second. "Really, Bella? You're going to tell me that I can't go talk to the Cullens about what happened last night?"

"Well, I won't tell you no, but I just don't see the point."

"We got into an argument. I think it should be resolved. It's not good to leave things unresolved like this."

I was dubious. "It's not?"

"No, of course, it's not." We looked at each other for a long moment. He was the first to break the silence. "Will you drive me over there?"

"Um…I guess." I wasn't entirely sure why we needed to do this, but if Edward wanted to do it, I guessed that I would have to go along. "Alright, let's get ready to go see them."

While we got dressed, Edward in the bathroom and me in the bedroom, Alice called me. I stepped into the hallway, not wanting Edward to overhear what might turn out to be an unpleasant conversation.

"Hey, Alice."

"I see that you and Edward will be making a return trip to the house today."

"Yep, it looks like it. Are you calling just to gloat or is there a purpose to this conversation?"

"Oh, Bella. I always have a purpose. One of the many perks of my gift." I could practically hear her Cheshire grin through the phone line. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, lay it on me." I could hear Edward finishing up in the bathroom, and I didn't want to be wasting my time talking to Alice when I could be with him.

"I just wanted to tell you to let Edward lead the conversation today. Don't let your prejudices get in the way of Edward forming a relationship with us. He seemed to genuinely like spending time with us, so you shouldn't try to get him to dislike us like you do."

I was annoyed beyond belief by Alice's little speech. "I do no such thing. He can like whoever he wants to like. Cullens included."

"Oh, please, Bella. Then why is it that I saw you and Edward, together, alone, in your cabin? With the Cullens no where to be seen. Did you make that decision this morning? Have you even talked to Edward about it yet? Gotten his opinion on the matter?"

"Butt out of this relationship, Alice. It's none of your business." I hung up, angry at Alice for presuming to tell me what to do in my relationship. I was growling uncontrollably and I really, really wanted to punch something. Preferably Alice.

Edward picked this exact moment to open his bedroom door. He looked shocked by what he saw. I imagined what I looked like, black-eyed and snarling, clutching my cell phone in my hand. I must have looked like a madwoman.

"What's going on?" He had his hands held up, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to hug me or push me away.

"Alice." It was all I was able to grind out, still growling. He scooted closer to me, putting his arms around me and slowly rubbing my back. Somewhere in my mind, it registered that last night when he touched my back in the same way, it had been sexual, but now it was purely comforting. I clutched at his sweater and pressed my face into his chest.

"Okay. It's okay." I calmed a little, but was still rigid in his arms. "What'd she do now?" He continued making soothing circles on my back and I huffed out a quick breath, trying to relieve some of the tension I felt. Edward just squeezed me tighter, somehow knowing that I just needed him at the moment.

"She's just trying to control my life. It's frustrating." I quickly relayed the gist of the conversation to him, while he stood there holding me. I pondered whether I could use this to get out of going to the Cullens. Surely, Edward would see how obstinate and controlling the Cullens could be now and we could just leave well enough alone.

I was thus extremely shocked at his next words. "Well, it looks like we both have stuff to talk about with the Cullens. We should probably get going."

"No, Edward. Why?" I realized I was acting like a complete child and probably sounded obnoxiously whiny, but I did not understand his obsession with hashing things out with the Cullens.

He sighed heavily and let me go. "Bella," he groaned, looking incredibly displeased. Oh no. I had made him angry. I tentatively petted his arms, feeling like an idiot for my futile action and for not knowing how to make this situation better. My chest physically hurt, like my cold, dead heart was being squeezed tightly.

"What? I'm sorry. I'll go to the Cullens." I was desperate. "Just, please, don't be mad at me."

"No, no, I'm not mad. I'm just really frustrated. I don't understand why you dislike the Cullens so much. They seem like decent…people or vampires or whatever."

"I don't know." I thought for a second about how to articulate how I felt about the Cullens. "At every turn, they try to control me. When I was human, I went to college and I met Alice the very first day. We were best friends. Completely inseparable for an entire year. Then, one day, I slipped off a curb in front of a bus. Everything hurt and I knew I would die. And I was okay with it. I had lived my life. Lying on that wet pavement, bleeding to death, I knew I had lived my life the best I could. My last thoughts were of my mother and of Alice. The two most important people in my life."

I paused, not sure how to continue the story. How to articulate how waking up as a vampire felt. "Then, what happened?"

"Well, I thought I had gone to heaven. Alice was there, picking me up and carrying me away. I realized that I was fading away. That I was about to die, but all I felt was relief. So, imagine my surprise when Alice bit me, on my neck, pulling the blood out. Did you know that you can feel the blood being pulled out of your body? It's awful, and then the most intense pain I had ever felt, even more than the bus hitting me, ripped through my body. Alice, my best friend, doomed me to hell. That's how it felt. It was three days of torment. When I woke up, Alice was there, telling me that I was a vampire now and that she had known all along that we would be sisters forever and that she was so happy. But in the same conversation, she told me that I would have to kill animals to live and that I would be tempted to kill humans for the rest of my existence. And, worst of all, I could never see my family again."

Edward had enveloped me in his arms again. "That's why you're so angry with them?"

"Yes, to a certain extent. They all acted like I was this integral member of their family. I had met a few of the Cullens on occasion. I knew Jasper, because he was with Alice, of course, and had met Carlisle and Esme. I had never had an extended conversation with any of them, but they acted like they had been waiting for years for me to join their family."

"Didn't…didn't you like being a part of a family?"

"No, not at all. I had a family. I had my mother and I was happy with that. At the time, I thought the potential for falling in love and getting married and having children of my own was taken away, too. I know that's not true, now, but at the time it felt like no one would ever be right for me. I felt cheated, Edward. I felt like I lost something. Not like I gained something."

"I can see how you would feel that. I guess it's different for me, because I think of you as a part of the Cullens, and I only think good things when I think about you. If I had to be changed because I was dying, then being with the Cullens wouldn't be so bad because I would get to be with you."

I was touched by his sincerity and the fact that he thought only good things about me. I wondered if I should disabuse him of the notion that one had to be dying to be changed. I had just expressed how Alice's dishonesty with me in my human life had tainted my immortality. "You don't have to be dying to be changed into a vampire. Perfectly healthy people can be changed. Carlisle was in the prime of his life when he was bitten."

"Oh. Really?" Edward contemplated this new information for a moment. "That changes things a little then, doesn't it?"

"It does?"

"Yes. I guess this means we have to discuss, well, you know, if you would want to change me. I know that I want to stay with you as long as possible. If you were human, I would marry you right out of high school and be happy with you until we were both old and gray. But, the fact that you'll stay young forever means that my plan isn't really an option."

"It doesn't matter if I want to change you. I won't make that decision for you. What's important is for you to decide what you want." He opened his mouth, with what I assumed was going to be an affirmative response. I put my fingers over his lips. "No, not right now. I want you to think about it. Really think if you can live this life." He opened his mouth, catching my fingers between his teeth and biting down. I laughed, enjoying the feel of his teeth on my flesh. I was transfixed by the sight of his tongue sweeping out to lick at the tips of my fingers. I pulled them away, shaking my head. "Stop that. We're having a serious conversation here."

He gave me what could only be described as a rakish grin. "What? Are you telling me you didn't like it?"

I smirked slightly, shaking my head. "You know I liked it. That's not the issue here," I said, becoming serious.

"I will think about it, Bella, but honestly, if it means being with you forever and never having to let you go, then it won't be a difficult decision to make."

"Okay, well, just think about it some more before you decide."

He nodded. "We should probably head over to the Cullens."

I grumbled a little, but started heading down the stairs anyway. I still didn't want to have this conversation with the Cullens, but it seemed as if Edward was set on it.

I was discovering that, when it came to Edward and I, what Edward wanted Edward got.


	16. Chapter 16

As we pulled up to the Cullen house in my truck, I remembered Alice's words. I was apparently supposed to let Edward lead this conversation. I sighed heavily, not sure what that meant or how this conversation would turn out. I hoped that Edward had a plan in mind, because I certainly didn't.

We got out of the truck, Edward coming around immediately to take my hand, and we walked to the door. We both paused, obviously not sure if we should just go walk or if we should knock. I figured since I still technically lived here and all my stuff was inside that it was acceptable to just go in. I opened the door and led us into the living room, where we sat, waiting for the Cullens to join us. They filed in, one by one, from their respective areas of the house. Surprisingly, Rosalie came in first and gave us both what appeared to be a genuine smile. When I thought about it, though, it made sense that she would be one of the more sensitive of the Cullens to issues of humanity and death.

As they all settled in, I thought of our last "family" meeting, where I stood alone by the fireplace, while they sat with their mates. This time, my mate was sitting next to me, too, and the rightness of that filled me with a deep sense of calm about the upcoming discussion. No matter what happened, I knew I would still have Edward after the dust settled.

We all looked at Carlisle expectantly, waiting for the leader of this group to get the ball rolling.

Carlisle looked around in mock surprise. "This isn't my meeting. I'm just an innocent bystander." He held his hands up, shaking his head. He was joking, but he was also letting us know that he wasn't interested in leading this conversation.

I bit the proverbial bullet and started talking. "Edward wanted to come over today and talk about what happened the other day. I think you all owe him an apology."

"Wait, Bella. That's not what I wanted out of this meeting." Edward's interruption caught me off guard, surprising me into slightly annoyed silence. He gathered his thoughts for a moment and then turned to speak to the rest of the group. "I really just wanted to say that I can somewhat understand the mentality that must come with having to move around so much and, although I didn't like it, I could see why you would discuss it in such a…clinical way."

The Cullens sat in silence for a split second, and then they all began speaking at once. Rosalie, as normal, was the one who talked the loudest, so they all eventually deferred to her. "I think you should have been much more angry than you were. It _was_ callous and it _was_ cruel. But, I think that it's a brave thing for you to come here and talk about it." She gave a quick nod and leaned back in her seat, looking away from us with a dispassionate look on her face. I knew from experience that she had spoken her piece and would no longer be an active participant in this conversation.

Edward looked a little flustered by her abrupt behavior, but attempted to thank her graciously. She spared him a cold glance and an aloof shrug of her shoulders.

Esme got up and sat on the other side of Edward, tentatively putting her arm around his shoulders. He leaned into her slightly and I clenched my jaw, upset by how chummy he could be with her. On one hand, I knew I was being ridiculous, but, on the other, well, I just didn't like it. I was the one who was supposed to comfort Edward. I was supposed to be everything he needed, just like he was everything that I needed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper staring at me, and I turned to look at him. He was smiling slightly and when our eyes met, he raised one eyebrow. I scowled at him and rolled my eyes, not really wanting to deal with his brand of annoyingness at the moment.

I turned my attention back to Edward and Esme to hear her telling him how sorry she was – for his loss, for his pain, for being so unfeeling about it the other night. Edward let himself be held and nodded along with her words. When she stopped apologizing, he spoke again.

"It's okay, Esme. It really is." He gave her a small, but genuine smile, which she returned. They sat for a second longer, before Edward spoke again. "By the way, I wanted to thank you for making me that casserole last April. I'm not sure if Alice passed that along when she returned the dish."

I felt like my head was spinning. Casseroles? Baking dishes? Right as I opened my mouth to demand to know what the hell was going on, Alice came over and grabbed my hand, yanking me from my seat without my permission. She pulled me down so that her mouth was near my ear. "You're about to make a fool of yourself. Let's go upstairs."

I pulled my hand away from hers, debating whether or not to heed her advice or just go ahead and make a fool of myself. I glanced at Edward, still sitting in Esme's arms. He looked up at me expectantly. I felt the familiar temptation to just leave, to go upstairs with Alice and let Edward deal with the Cullens himself, but I knew that wasn't the right choice. The right choice was to sit down and stay with my mate, so I did just that. It was easy to run, to not deal with problems, but what would it get me in the end? Nothing, except more loneliness. No, it was better to stay with Edward, so I sat back down. It was one of the easier choices I'd ever made.

"It's fine, Alice." I gave her a long look, trying to let her know that I would be fine and that I didn't plan on doing anything stupid. Her eyes glazed over and she apparently saw my new path and approved of it because she went to sit down next to Jasper.

Edward was still looking at me and he gave an awkward, guilty-sounding chuckle as he disengaged from Esme to hold my hand. "Yeah, I guess I never mentioned that Esme made me a casserole last April after my parents died. Alice came by my house to pick up the dish later."

I was annoyed that I hadn't known about this and that neither Alice nor Edward felt the need to let me know about this interaction, but there was nothing to be achieved by making them feel bad about it. "It's okay. I guess. It doesn't really matter anyway." I thought more about it, coming to a slightly disturbing conclusion. "Wait. Alice, when exactly did you know about me and Edward?"

A look of extreme guilt crept onto Alice's face and I had my answer. "I knew then. The night Edward's parents died, I got my first clear vision of the two of you together." She looked at Edward. "I'm so sorry, Edward. I don't know who killed your parents, but I do know that it was the catalyst for you and Bella to get together."

"What did you guys talk about when you went to his house?"

Edward answered for her. "Bella, it was really nothing. It wasn't long after my parents died, and she didn't even come inside. I literally handed her the dish, asked her to thank Esme and that was it."

"And Esme brought it over to you?"

"No. She took it to the church and Reverend Weber and his wife brought them to me. A lot of people did it."

Esme must have sensed I was confused by the practice, because she spoke up. "It's a human tradition. Giving food after a death in the family. It would have looked odd if we _hadn't_ done it. Alice didn't tell us until later that Edward would eventually be a part of the family, anyway."

I nodded slowly. I guessed it all made sense. As Esme spoke, I could recall neighbors and friends bringing dinners to my house after my father had died, but I hadn't thought about it in years. There was just so much to keep straight when dealing with humans, an art that the Cullens had mastered and didn't even think twice about. However, I was still annoyed that Alice had never mentioned it. Another thought occurred to me. "Why'd the reverend bring it over? Did you go to his church?"

"Yeah, we had been going to the church since we moved here. Every Sunday."

"Do you still go?"

"No." The answer was abrupt, indicating to me that this was not a subject Edward wanted to discuss. I wanted to know more, just like I wanted to know more about everything in Edward's life, but I certainly didn't want to push him. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that Edward had stopped going to church because his parents died. It was enough to make anyone lose their faith.

"We don't know a whole lot about each other," I muttered under my breath. Of course, everyone in the room heard me perfectly, including Edward sitting right next to me. All of the Cullens laughed out loud at my statement. I looked up at them, confused about what exactly was so funny about knowing practically nothing about one's mate.

"Sorry, Bella. We laugh because we know exactly what you mean. An unfortunate by-product of the vampire mating process is that you fall in love with someone you don't know at all. It makes for – let's just say – an interesting first few years." Carlisle looked fondly at Esme, while all the other vampires in the room nodded their heads.

"So what do you do about it?"

"Just…get to know each other. It's like regular dating, but easier, since you already love the person," Carlisle explained. It made sense, but it was definitely odd.

I wasn't really sure how this conversation had turned from the issue of the Cullens' callousness to a discussion of vampire mating, but I assumed we were done with the heavy stuff and we could all move on now.

I stood up, intending to head upstairs to show Edward around my room, when I realized that I should probably ask Edward his opinion on the matter. I sat back down abruptly and looked to Edward. He was giving me a befuddled look, clearly not understanding my actions.

"Er…are you done or did you have more to say? Either way is fine. Really." I was discovering that I wasn't particularly good at thinking about other people's needs first. Or at all. I would add it to my list of things I needed to work on. It was becoming a long list.

"No, I'm done, I think." He turned to address the Cullens. "Thanks for letting me come over so that we could clear the air."

I stood up and Edward followed me. Esme stood, too, and gave Edward a hug, which frankly didn't surprise me at all. "It's more than okay. You're welcome here any time you'd like. Our home is your home."

"Thanks, Esme," Edward said, hugging her back. They broke apart and I tried to position myself behind him, giving Esme a little wave to, hopefully, indicate that I did not want to be hugged. Edward decided to be helpful by stepping aside, thus allowing Esme easy access, which she used to pull me into an embrace. I gave a half-hearted glare to Edward and he just grinned at me and shrugged his shoulders. I patted Esme's back awkwardly as she rocked the both of us back and forth. I supposed it wasn't too bad.

Carlisle came over, too, and I worried that he would want to hug as well. I felt a mixture of relief and, oddly enough, regret when Carlisle didn't try to hug me. "Edward, do you want to come to my study for a second? I have a book that I thought you might want to borrow."

"Sure, that sounds good." Edward turned to me, silently asking if I wanted to come with him. I shook my head.

"No, it's okay. I'll be in my room. Third floor. You can't miss it."

He leaned down, giving me a kiss on the cheek, before he followed Carlisle to his office. I made my way to the stairs, planning on sitting in my room until he joined me. Jasper was lingering at the foot of the stairs and as I passed him, he fell in step with me up the stairs. I glanced at him, perplexed as to why he was walking with me.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Jasper asked, giving me an uncomfortably appraising look.

"What's strange?"

"Realizing that you don't get to be the only important person in your mate's life."

I felt my face twist, not really happy that Jasper had managed to not only know exactly what I was feeling, but also why I was feeling this way. It was a hard pill to swallow to know that Edward seemed like he would be happy living with the Cullens, whereas I only needed him to make me happy. I tried my best not to feel like a failure or that I was somehow not good enough for Edward.

Jasper was still looking at me like he was examining me for some strange disease. I didn't like it. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" We were now standing in front of my door and I wasn't sure if I wanted him to come in.

Instead of answering my question, Jasper settled into storytelling mode. "You know, when Alice and I first met up with the Cullens, I had the same issue. We had wandered for a while, just the two of us. It was a sort of honeymoon phase. Then we met up with the Cullens and suddenly I didn't have Alice's undivided attention anymore. It was a tough adjustment."

He gave me what I assumed was supposed to be an encouraging smile, but it came across stilted and awkward. For the first time, I realized that Jasper may not have been as enthused about the Cullens as I had thought. I had always seen him as a part of the whole, an integral member of the Cullen conglomerate, not to be trusted and not to be thought of as an individual. I realized, though, that I was wrong. Thinking about his history and all that he had seen, it must have been extraordinarily uncomfortable for him to trust and appreciate the Cullens right off the bat. I opened the door to my room and let him in.

"So, it was hard you for you, too?"

This time, his smile was genuine. "Yes, it was very difficult. But it got better." He paused, thinking for a second, before adding, "Eventually."

I couldn't help but see that the grass was greener on the other side. "Well, at least you got her alone for a while before you had to share." I paused, realizing how much my statement made it sound like Alice was a new toy and not Jasper's one true love. "Er…I mean…"

Jasper's laughter cut me off before I could explain or apologize. "I know what you meant Bella. It's okay." He wiped under his eyes, like he was wiping away tears. He saw my quizzical look and explained. "When I was human, I used to cry when I laughed, so I got into the habit of wiping away the tears. The tears didn't make it to this lifetime, but that habit has never left me."

"Now that is strange." I realized that I had never seen that mannerism before, most likely because I had never been around Jasper when he was laughing in earnest.

"Old habits die hard."

"Oh, funny, a death joke."

"I can tell you're amused."

"I'm faking it."

"I would be able to tell that too." Jasper looked exceedingly smug. I shoved him playfully, but with all the force I could muster. He wasn't expecting it and went flying backward into the wall of shelves. A board cracked and all the books fell onto the floor.

I could hear Edward's heart rate pick up from three floors below and him asking Carlisle what had happened. Before waiting for the answer, Edward had left the study, taking the stairs two at a time until he reached my room.

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. Jasper and I were just playing around."

"Playing around?" He was clearly confused. Probably by the fact that I was play-fighting with the one person in the family I professed to dislike the most.

"Yeah, you know, rough-housing. It was nothing." I smiled, trying to reassure him that I was telling the truth.

Jasper slipped quietly out the door, leaving Edward and I alone to talk. Edward went over to the pile of books and began to pick them up. He stopped when he came to a broken picture frame. He picked it up gingerly by the frame, careful not to touch the broken glass. He stared for a long second at the picture in the frame. I knew what he was looking at. I knew what was taking him so long to process. It must be confusing for him to see me, as a vampire, perched awkwardly on a bed that held a frail old woman with vacant eyes.

I felt as awkward as I had when the picture was taken when he turned to me. "Who is this?"

"It's my mother."


	17. Chapter 17

"Your mother? Your real mother?"

"I've only ever had the one, so, yeah, it's my real mother."

"You're a vampire in this picture."

"Yeah, it was taken a few years ago. She was in a nursing home." And I took advantage of her. It was what I should have said, but I couldn't get the words out. Couldn't admit to the worst thing I'd ever done. I knew I would eventually have to tell Edward about it, but I wanted to delay it as long as possible, as futile of an effort as that was.

"How were you able to see her? I thought you had to give up all contact with her."

"I did have to." I sighed, deciding that ripping off the band-aid would be the best option here. "I kept tabs on her throughout her life. She…had a sad life after I died. My dad had been dead for a few years, and she thought I was dead as well. She lived off his pension, which wasn't a whole lot. I tried to slip some money into her account every once in a while, but I couldn't do it very often without running the risk of her noticing."

Edward and I moved to the post-modern daybed that I was sure Alice had spent hours meticulously picking out to coordinate with the drapes and accessories. We sat facing each other, a pose that was quickly becoming our 'serious discussion' position. He took my hand in his and brought it to his mouth, pressing a kiss into my palm.

"Bella, you can talk to me about this. I've stuck with you through the vampire thing and the mating thing. I'll stick with you through this, too. I promise."

I smiled and reached my hand up to run my fingers across his cheekbone. He leaned into my hand and, once again, I was reassured. I was beginning to see how this worked. I could tell him the truth and he would accept me. I was suddenly reminded of the way the Cullens had always accepted me back. Shaking off that train of thought, I began my story.

"So, in the nineties, my mother moved herself into a nursing home. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's soon after and began losing her memory. She was transferred to the hospital wing of the nursing home and by 2001, she couldn't remember anything about her life. All she had to remind herself of her old life were her pictures. The nurses who would come around to take care of her knew who was in the photographs, though, and they would tell her about her daughter, Bella.

"When I knew that the Alzheimer's had progressed to full memory loss, I made a plan, with the help of Alice. I was living with the Cullens in Alaska at the time. We…know people. People who can forge documents and create new identities for us. I became Marie Higginbotham, a distant cousin of Renee Swan."

A look of comprehension crossed Edward's face. "The credit card. That's why it had a different name."

"Yes, I just never changed it to anything else after…after everything. They're good for about 10 years or so, before they need to be abandoned. Anyway, I had my mother transferred to a nursing home in Alaska." I paused, not sure how to say what needed to be said. "I…ensured that all of her pictures mysteriously went missing in the move. The Renee Swan who moved to a nursing home in Alaska had no children.

"I took that away from her. I know she didn't remember, but I took the last link to her human daughter away when I destroyed those pictures. I replaced her with me: cold, hard, inhuman, pretending to be a distant cousin, visiting her twice a week and exchanging vague pleasantries like a stranger." My tone was so bitter, I could almost taste it. I was so ashamed.

"No!" I was surprised by Edward's harsh tone. "You have to stop putting yourself down. You're wonderful." I didn't feel particularly wonderful at the moment and that thought must have shown on my face. "You are. You're the best person I've ever met." He looked frustrated, scrubbing his hand over his face and into his hair. "I don't know how to make you believe me, but you are."

I didn't know what to say, so I crawled into Edward's lap, curling up in a ball with my head tucked under his chin. He put his arms around me, pressing a kiss to my hair and taking a not-so-subtle sniff of my hair. I was sure that to a human, the short intakes of breath through his nose wouldn't have been noticeable, but with super hearing, it was pretty clear what he was doing. "Did you just sniff my hair?"

He groaned. "Yes, I did. Nothing escapes your attention."

I giggled, trying to shake off the topic of my mother and move on to lighter subjects. "Do you like how my hair smells?"

"Yeah, I do." He sighed, resting his cheek against my head, now unabashedly breathing in my scent. "I like everything about your hair."

I reached up to tug at a piece, contemplating his statement. "You don't mind the part at the back where it's flat?" My insecurity was showing like a dirty slip.

"There's a part that's flat?" He leaned back to look and ran his hand over it. "Huh…there is. How'd that happen?"

"It's from my change. When I laid on it for three days, it got set in place. They washed it for me and combed it out, but they didn't think about the flat spot. Esme curled Rosalie's for her. That's why it looks so nice."

"Hmm…that'll be something to think about when you change me."

I felt myself stiffen slightly and I knew Edward felt it, because he stiffened too. "So, you've decided. I thought you were going to think about it some more."

"I'll still think about it, but, for now, I'm leaning towards 'yes.'" He rubbed my back, pushing down hard and I imagined that I could feel it relieving some of the tension in my muscles. I knew it was wishful thinking, but regardless, it felt nice to be touched. "I think it's smart to plan for it before it happens though."

I hummed my agreement. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you get a haircut before the change."

"I think I want it to be long, though."

"Well, you have a while to decide on how exactly you want your hair." I sighed, faking my exasperation with him. "You're worse than Rosalie. And that's saying something."

I heard Rosalie shout "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" from three floors below. I laughed lightly, hearing Rosalie grumble about not being _that _vain from the garage. We were quiet for a moment, just sitting. I listened to his heartbeat, slow and calm. Like a metronome, it marked the new rhythm to my life, one that was directly centered on Edward.

"So…your mother?"

I had hoped that we were done with that conversation. "Um, well, that was really it."

"It doesn't seem…so bad." I could tell he was trying to gently let me know that he thought I was overreacting.

"Yeah, I guess from the outside it doesn't look _that_ bad, but from my perspective, it was a moment of weakness, an unforgivably selfish moment that lasted three years. I wanted a piece of my old life in my new life, and I took my mother's choices away, the same way my choices were taken away." I paused, reluctant to admit the truths that I had learned about myself during that time to Edward. "It was just the first time that I realized exactly how selfish I was. How what I railed against about the Cullens' behavior is the same kind of behavior that I displayed as soon as I got the chance.

"I left the Cullens after my mother died, promising myself I wouldn't come back. That didn't last long, because, well here I am. But I get you, so I guess it's not so bad." I looked up and smiled, letting him know that my comment about him was a vast understatement.

"Hmm…why did you come back? You said Alice tricked you into coming so that you could meet me, but why did you agree in the first place?"

"Oh. I'm not sure. It's really hard to say no to your maker." I thought about this for a second and thought better of it. "It's really hard for _me_ to say no to _my_ maker. When Alice asks me for something, I find it incredibly difficult to tell her no. I don't know if it applies to every vampire's relationship with their maker, though. I do have an abnormally pushy maker."

I heard Alice mutter about doing things for our own good and that her gift affords her the luxury to make good decisions that she can share with others. I felt like a true success, having made both Rosalie and Alice grumble under their breath in a single afternoon. Served them right for eavesdropping.

"So, I'll have to do everything you say?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I would never abuse that power, though. I can say no to Alice, I just try to avoid it, if I can."

"Hmm…I don't want to argue with you, but if you can't even say no to her to coming back to a family you didn't want to be a part of, what can you say no to?" He looked uncomfortable, obviously not wanting to upset me, but, well, he had a valid point.

I thought about his question for a moment and found I couldn't think of much. "Um…I told her I didn't want to wear a pair of shoes in 1987. They were these awful day-glo yellow pumps." I paused, racking my brain for another instance where I denied Alice. "I can't really think of anything else."

"Did she ever ask you not to leave? When you wanted to?" I was coming to the realization that it was possible that Alice had some kind of weird maker-makee mojo over me that made me unable to refuse her. Apparently Edward had figured this out in five minutes, whereas I didn't think anything of it for almost forty years.

"No, she never did. She would see it, and I guess she understood my motives, so she never asked." I was really starting to panic. Was Alice some sort of diabolical puppet-master, using her mind control voodoo on me? "Alice!"

Alice appeared in a less than five seconds at my door, crossing her arms and leaning casually on the doorjamb. "I don't control you. I never have and I never will. You can say no; it's just hard. I promise." Her words pacified me. Slightly. "You have said no to me before. Besides the day-glo, which I might mention, were very in fashion at that moment in time."

"No they weren't. They were ugly. When else have I said no to you?"

She dramatically cast her gaze to the ceiling and started ticking off the list on her fingers. "Let's see. I asked if I could come to your cabin. You said no to that. I asked if you wanted to go to college with just Jasper and I in 1983. You said no to that. I asked you not to destroy those pictures of yourself, but those are gone now." She looked at me, the slightest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Shall I go on?"

"No, I guess not." I was appeased, somewhat, that I was able to say no to Alice, but still worried that she would use her powers for evil instead of good. It was always a risk one had to be willing to take when dealing with Alice.

She turned in the doorway, calling over her shoulder, "I'll see you cats at school tomorrow."

Edward groaned. "Do we really have school tomorrow? This weekend feels like it's lasted forever."

"We've covered quite a bit of ground since Friday, haven't we?" He nodded his head. "We should head back to your house so that you can get some sleep before we have to go to school."

Edward looked at the clock on my wall and then slowly looked back at me. "Bella, it's six o'clock. I don't need to be asleep for hours." He raised his eyebrows slowly. "Did you have something else in mind to fill those hours?"

I looked away, trying not to smile, but knowing that my face gave away my intentions. It was a strange sensation, knowing I should be blushing but not being physically capable of the reaction. It didn't change the inclination though.

"Yeah, I thought we could, you know, do _stuff_ again." When he didn't say anything for a long moment, I added, "If you wanted to, of course." I tried to smile, but I felt horribly awkward asking my mate to have sexual relations with me. Especially when he didn't react nearly as enthusiastically as I expected he would. I rocked back and forth on my heels, probably looking as anxious as I felt.

"Bella, please, of course I want to do…stuff with you." He was smirking, which was pretty delightful, and he even waggled his eyebrows when he got to the part about _stuff_. I couldn't help but laugh, even though I was fairly certain that he was making fun of me.

We left the house, after a – thankfully – quick good-bye from the Cullens to head back to Edward's house. We stopped by an absolutely awful smelling diner so that Edward could pick up some food. The combination of cigarette smoke, axle grease, unwashed loggers, and human food prompted me to stay in my truck, holding my breath. I tried to convince Edward to just eat something from his house, but he insisted that it wasn't so bad. Apparently the fact that he had been going to the diner since he moved to Forks and had never gotten sick was all the recommendation he needed to continue going there.

I continued to hold my breath until he finished his food and took it outside to the trashcan. He washed his hands and I gave him the sniff test, pleased to find only traces of the diner had clung to him. It was, at least, tolerable. His blood smelled slightly more delicious than I was used to, and I realized I hadn't gone hunting in a while. That would mean I would have to leave him for a day or a night to go hunt, which, frankly, sucked.

I thought we would go upstairs and commence our nighttime activities, but instead he led me to the living room, where we sat on the couch. He didn't turn on the television, but turned to me with an expectant look on his face.

"Is something wrong, Edward? You look like you have something on your mind."

"Not particularly, no. I thought we could just talk a little before we went to bed."

"Oh, okay. I like talking to you, so I'm all for that idea." I smiled broadly. I still suspected he had something on his mind, but I didn't want to badger him into talking about it.

For a while, we just chatted. About his dog, and my cabin, a little about what his parents were like. I told him some stories from the seventies about afros getting caught in subway doors that had him laughing. We got quiet after a while and I laid my head on his lap, happy to be near him. He brushed the hair away from my face and ran his fingers along my cheekbones.

"I'm nervous about school tomorrow," he blurted out suddenly. I looked up at his face, surprised that he would feel nervous about it and surprised that he seemed uncomfortable discussing it.

"Okay, why do you feel nervous?" I kept my head in his lap, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable.

"Well, it's like the whole world has changed this weekend. Vampires exist. I'm in love with one of them. She loves me back. She has a really crazy but surprisingly well-meaning vampire family that she has mixed feelings about. I might be a vampire one day." He said all of this strung together, really quickly, before huffing out a frustrated breath.

"Alright." I pondered what he was saying and could understand how his life, and mine for that matter, had changed virtually overnight. But I didn't understand how that translated to school and I said as much.

"It's just…the rest of the world hasn't changed. No one else will know." He paused, running his hand through his hair. "And I think we might have to deal with Lauren."

The very name made me bristle. "Lauren? Why? She was fine last week. Do you think she'll make a scene?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Well, probably, if I know her at all."

"Which you do. Know her that is." I tried to make it sound like I was stating fact, but I was sure that Edward could hear the accusation in my voice.

"Yeah, I do know her fairly well. At least I used to."

"How long had you dated before you broke up?"

"Two years."

I sat up abruptly. "Two years? You had been dating since you were fifteen?"

"Yes, we were together for a long time. We broke up a few times, but we always got back together after a while."

"And that was the plan this time, right? You were going to get back together eventually?"

Edward looked pained. "No. I mean, I think the way I worded the break up made it sound _to her_ like I just needed time. But you heard Alice. Everything changed the night my parents died. I'm not the same person that I used to be when I was with her. I didn't know you were in my future, but I knew I could never be right for Lauren again."

"But you were right for Lauren before?" I was trying to keep myself under control, to not let my emotions run rampant, but inside I felt like I was dying. I made a strange hiccup sound, before asking the really important question. "Were you in love with her?"

Edward's stricken face was too much for me and I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my forehead on them. Still, though, I couldn't stand not to be touching him, so I dug my toes underneath his thigh. He tentatively stroked my hair, as he began to speak quietly. "We said the words, and, at the time, I thought I meant them, but I was young. We were young. This past summer, I began to realize that what I felt for Lauren wasn't love. It was attraction, I guess, and affection. We had known each other for long time, so we were comfortable with each other. The nail in the coffin was finding you. What I feel for you makes what I felt for Lauren seem incredibly shallow. If I was better with words, I would make some sort of grand metaphor about how you blind me to the rest of the world, but I guess you'll just have to settle for me telling you that you are the only person I have ever or will ever love."

"I think you're pretty good with words."

"Well thank you."

I peeked up at him. "I understand what you're saying. I guess I'm just jealous. Of your time, your affection, your love. I want it all to myself. I don't want to share, even if I'm sharing it with the past or with my family. That doesn't make me a bad person, does it?" Although, I might claim that I always wanted complete honesty from Edward, at this moment I just wanted to be told that I was, in fact, not a bad person.

"No, you're not a bad person at all. Remember? I think you're the best person I've ever met."

"Oh right. I guess I have to be reminded sometimes."

"Well, I'll remind you as much as you need."

I smiled shyly and we were quiet for a moment. "Are you ready for bed, or what?"

Edward laughed. "Yes, I'm ready."

We went upstairs, and I tried not to think about what awaited us at school the next day. Edward was right. A lot had changed, but, to me, it felt like everything had fallen into place. Things were right, and nothing could deter me. Not even Lauren. That bitch.


	18. Chapter 18

Driving into the school parking lot the next morning was an interesting experience. I had brought a change of clothes with me to Edward's house the night before, so I hadn't needed to go back to the Cullens' house that morning. Instead of riding with Alice and Jasper, as I usually did, I arrived at school with Edward. I could feel the eyes of the student body staring at me as we pulled up in Edward's car.

Alice and Jasper were right behind us and pulled into the spot next to us. Getting out of the car, I noticed Lauren marching determinedly across the parking lot, shoulders straight and head held high. There was no doubt that she was making her way to Edward and she seemed to be psyching herself up for whatever she was going to say. I shied away, moving to lean on Alice's car, not wanting to interfere but not particularly relishing watching this interaction. Alice caught my eye, giving me a look that clearly said that there was nothing I could do but sit and watch.

Edward was just getting out of the driver's side when Lauren appeared next to him. He jumped, which made Alice, Jasper and I laugh a little. We had all noticed her approach, but Edward had had no idea. It served to remind me that he was human, with human vulnerabilities and weaknesses. It would not do to forget that.

"Hi, Edward, can I talk to you, please?" Lauren asked in a rush. Her eyes cut quickly toward me and then right back to Edward's. "_Alone_."

Edward's eyes had followed Lauren's and he held my gaze, giving me an apologetic look. I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that there was little I could say or do to prevent it. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stop this conversation. I only hoped that it would be quick and relatively painless and then we could be done with this Lauren business once and for all.

"Sure, Lauren, come on. We can talk over there," he said, pointing to the picnic tables set up near the entrance to the school. As Edward and Lauren walked away, I couldn't help the sudden flare of jealousy that shot through me at the sight of them walking together, looking to all the world like a couple. Multiple people said hello to them as they passed, with none of the blatant staring and gaping that occurred when Edward and I walked together. Yes, he was human and no one would think twice about seeing him walking with a pretty human girl, especially Lauren who they were accustomed to seeing with Edward anyway. I wanted to kick something.

They sat down – on opposite sides of the table, I was happy to note – and Lauren began to speak. "So is it official? You and…Bella?" She said my name like she was spitting out rotten food and the vitriol in her voice was palpable from across the parking lot.

"Yes, it's official."

"But…I thought that we were going to get back together. You said that you just needed time." She sniffled a little.

"I'm sorry if I made it seem that way or if that was the impression that you got." He sighed heavily. "I don't know what to say. I'm very sorry that I strung you along, even if it was inadvertently."

She reached her hands across the table and took his hands. On some level, I knew that Edward was just too nice to refuse her, but I couldn't help it. I was jealous. Horribly so. Jasper, who had been talking quietly to Alice on the other side of the car, came around and stood next to me, though to his credit he did not attempt to suppress or alter my emotions at all.

"Not too bad," he said quietly. I glanced at him, one eyebrow raised in question. "The jealousy. It's there…but there's something else."

I wasn't sure what he was talking about, but as I glanced over at Edward and heard him speak again, I identified the emotion. "Lauren, I'm sorry," he said, sliding his hands from under hers and putting them in his lap, "I've chosen Bella." The emotion I felt was triumph. He was mine and like he said to Lauren, he had chosen me. I had won. I felt like cheering.

Jasper chuckled. "You're ridiculous, Bella." For once, this accusation of ridiculousness by Jasper was not met with anger on my part. Perhaps it was our talk yesterday that made me less hostile or that I was just less prone to overreaction. In any case, I laughed with him, pushing off the car and making my way over to the picnic tables.

Edward stood then, too, saying a final good-bye to a hiccupping Lauren, who was trying to dry her eyes. The victory, all of a sudden, wasn't as sweet. I had no real ill will toward Lauren. We loved the same person, and how could I be angry with her for that? She had good taste, and in any other world, they would have probably ended up together. But in this world, Edward's parents had died and I had been led to him by a meddling vampire. I found I couldn't regret the path I had taken, but I did wonder if Edward felt the same. I figured that ignorance was bliss on that front, at least for now.

I took Edward's hand and we walked into school. We stopped at his class and I tilted my head up and he met me in the middle for a quick kiss. Just as I was about to walk away, he stopped me. "You heard all of that, didn't you?"

"Your conversation? Of course." As soon as I said it, I realized that if I was human, I wouldn't possibly have been able to hear it and that Edward may have wanted to keep the conversation private.

I was sure that I looked panicked, because he quickly gave me another kiss, before moving his lips to my ear. "It's okay. I figured you could hear it. I just wanted to make sure you knew it was the truth. I did choose you. It wasn't because my parents died or for any reason other than you being Bella and me being Edward." He was devastatingly good with words and somehow always knew exactly what I needed to hear. I kissed him on the cheek, lingering there, just breathing him in.

"Thanks, Edward. I'll see you later."

==/==/==

Not being with Edward, after three days straight of being with him almost non-stop, was awful. Simply awful. What was worse was that I could smell him still, and I could hear people talking to him and hear him talking back, but I couldn't see him. We would meet in the hallways briefly between classes, but it was torture to see him and then leave him again so quickly. By the time lunch came around, I was a mess. We met outside the doors of the cafeteria and he pulled me into a hug.

"Let's just run away together, okay?" I mumbled into his jacket.

"Sure." He paused dramatically, before continuing, "In six more months."

I playfully pouted all the way through the lunch line, while trying not to scowl at his human food. I held my breath, but I didn't want to make him feel too bad about it.

After he paid, we both turned, surveying our seating options. On the left side of the cafeteria, there was an empty table and, on the right, Alice and Jasper sat looking expectantly at us. I felt Edward's eyes on me, and when I looked up, he was giving me a questioning look.

I thought, briefly, about what I wanted to do and realized that I really didn't care where I sat, as long as it was with Edward. "Up to you," I said with a shrug. He, of course, chose to go to the right and sit with Alice and Jasper. I head Alice squeal a little in seeming delight and Jasper grunted his acknowledgement.

Edward set his tray down and pulled my chair out before sitting down himself. I was impressed by his polite gesture, but a little annoyed by the "Aww" that came out of Alice's mouth at it. Edward flushed a little, obviously embarrassed by Alice noticing his gesture.

Edward began to dig into his food after saying a quick hello and we all sat in awkward silence. I noticed Alice in particular was enthralled by Edward's eating and I gave her a swift kick under the table and her foot rattled off the leg of the table. Edward looked up, just catching Alice's guilty face.

"Sorry, Edward."

He swallowed his food. "Oh, it's okay."

"You know, I don't think I've ever sat this close to a human eating before. You can hear the food breaking down. It's really fascinating. Don't you think so, Jasper?" Alice nodded earnestly, obviously meaning this to be a compliment to Edward.

Jasper shifted uncomfortably, giving Alice a pained look. "No, hearing Edward break down food using his mouth is not fascinating." He spared Edward a fleeting look and a tight smile. "No offense, Edward."

"Um…none taken." Edward looked down at his food and very gingerly picked up his fork and brought a bite to his mouth, where he proceeded to chew it as quietly as possible. Watching him chew in sober, overly-exaggerated motions was the last straw. I started laughing uncontrollably and my laughter wasn't helped when he shot me a dirty look.

"I'm trying the best I can here, Bella." He was adorably exasperated.

I tried valiantly to calm myself, but I was still giggling a little when I spoke. "I'm sure you are. Don't worry about them, though. Just chew your food like normal. Alice, stop staring at him like he's in a zoo."

Alice shrugged gracefully, not seeming to be concerned with making Edward feel like a zoo creature.

"Shouldn't you guys be pretending to eat or something?" Edward asked, obviously trying to deflect attention away from himself.

"Probably," I said, picking up a piece of bread and shredding it. "There, now it looks like I've eaten."

"No it doesn't. That wouldn't fool anyone."

"Sure, if people were looking carefully they would know that it wasn't real, but they don't look carefully. We're too…intimidating, I guess, for people to actually take notice of us. The best we get is looks out of the corner of their eyes."

"I noticed you."

"But we were mates. It's a little different. Plus, you're incredibly observant. Just look around. Right now. How many people are looking at us?"

Edward craned his neck around, his eyes sweeping over the entire cafeteria. I kept my eyes focused on him, because, honestly, why would I ever want to look anywhere else?

He turned back to me. "No one's looking."

I nodded my head slowly, going back to shredding my roll.

We sat silently for a while. Alice wore a contemplative look and I wasn't surprised when she spoke up. "Isn't it strange that we're the most beautiful people in the room, but no one looks at us?" Her voice was tinged with a sadness that spoke of a long struggle with the concept. It sounded vain and, granted, it probably was, but it was also just the truth. We were indescribably beautiful and most people couldn't even make eye contact with us.

Jasper reached across to lovingly palm Alice's neck, pulling her in and whispering in her ear. "I'm always looking at you. That's enough, isn't it?"

Alice ducked her head and smiled, before meeting his eye. "Yeah, that's enough, I think."

Edward and I both looked away when they then became engaged in a heated kiss, with Edward making a fake gagging noise that made me snort unattractively. Alice and Jasper steadfastly ignored us, soldiering valiantly on with their kiss.

I turned to Edward, determined not to let them bother me. There were no secrets in the Cullen house, but that didn't mean I relished having those secrets revealed right in front of me. I sat in silence, waiting for Edward to finish his food. His health was very important to me, and I dejectedly noted the dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. We would have to work on improving that situation. Edward pushed his tray away and Alice and Jasper broke away from their kiss.

Alice clapped her hands once and stated, "Now we can really talk!" She became thoughtful for a second, muttering under her breath, "No, not that one. Not that one either. Oh yes, that'll work splendidly." She cleared her throat dramatically, causing me to exchange a quick eye-roll with Edward, before announcing, "So, what does everyone think of President Bush vetoing the stem cell research bill?"

It was completely random and such a seemingly bad topic for high school lunch time discussion and so patently Alice that I shouldn't have been at all surprised that we enjoyed a lively debate for the rest of the lunch period.

As we walked out of the cafeteria, Alice hung back to say good-bye to Jasper, leaving Edward and me alone to walk to Biology.

"Well, that was fun," Edward remarked, looking at me from the corner of his eye, likely worried that I would think that it was not actually a good time.

"Yeah, I definitely had fun."

"Really?"

"Of course. I wouldn't lie to you. Especially about that. You know I'm not shy about giving my opinions on the Cullens." I looked up, surprised to see Edward's comically large grin. "What? What's so funny about that?"

"Nothing. Just happy to see you getting along with Alice and Jasper."

He smirked all the way to class.

==/==/==

Alice joined us soon after in class, tossing a folded up note on top of my book before striking up an animated conversation with Angela.

I opened it, letting Edward read over my shoulder.

_We all need to go hunting soon. The nomads are getting close and we should be prepared. No, don't worry. Nothing will go wrong, at least that I can see so far. Just a precaution. We're going on Wednesday. It'll be sunny anyway. _

Edward plucked the note out of my hand, grabbing his pen and scribbling furiously. He handed the note back after a minute or so. Knowing that I had never mentioned the nomads to him, I had a pretty good idea of what was to come when I opened the note.

_Nomads? Other vampires are coming to Forks? Isn't that dangerous? _

I quickly blacked out the word vampire from the note, whispering "no evidence" to Edward, before writing back. I heard Mr. Banner start class, just as I was handing the note back to Edward.

_It __shouldn't__ be dangerous. They aren't allowed to eat anywhere near Forks. We're trying to convince them to change their ways. It's important to Carlisle to at least try. I think he's delusional, but, well it's not really my call. _

Edward chortled, but quickly silenced his laughter and began to write again with me looking over his shoulder.

_So you have to go away for a while? _I nodded. _How long? _

I took his pen again. _Not long. Only a day and a night, I would think. We can't be gone for that long or people will talk. I'm not sure what they tell people here. We're probably going to "go camping" or something along those lines. Enjoy the sunny weather or whatever._

Edward nodded and set the paper down on the table between us. Alice leaned over, poking me in the shoulder. When I looked, she pantomimed tearing up the note. I diligently ripped the note into as small of pieces as I could manage, looking over at her when I was done. She gave a satisfied nod and turned back to pretending to be a good student. At times, I felt bad that she was the sole protector of our secret. Jasper could sense people's suspicions about us at times, but only Alice could really tell when people were planning to raise questions. There had been close calls and near misses almost everywhere that we went, but there was nothing really to be done about it, except doing our due diligence and being prepared to leave quickly if things started looking bad for us.

As I was contemplating the intricacies of being a vampire, Edward reached over and put his hand on my thigh, lightly rubbing up and down my leg. Every few passes he would sweep his hand over my kneecap, squeezing it and grazing the back of my knee with his fingers, before smoothing his hand back across the top of my thigh. I could not concentrate at all. I felt like Edward and I were in our own little bubble again, and when I unconsciously began to open my legs more, I was snapped out of my stupor.

"Will you cut that out!" I hissed at him. Edward withdrew his hand and adjusted himself, grimacing slightly. "And that's your own fault, so don't even try to get sympathy from me."

I ignored Edward and his smirk all the way through class. I was beginning to suspect that this boy knew exactly what he was doing to me, in all aspects of my life.

==/==/==

On the way out of class, Edward grabbed my arm and I let him pull me around to face him. "Hey, you're not really mad, are you?" he asked, leaning down to give me a quick kiss that I immediately turned into more.

I leaned back slightly, breaking away from the kiss. "I'm not mad. Is it wrong to ditch class to go home and make out?"

"I don't know, but if it's wrong then I don't want to be right."

I kissed him through my subsequent giggles, and we exited the hallway we were standing in and rushed to the parking lot.

In the distance, I could hear Alice sigh. "Ah, to be young and newly mated. Must be nice."


	19. Chapter 19

Pulling up to Edward's house, I jumped out of the car before he had even come to a full stop and sprinted up the steps to the front door. I stopped short, though, frowning at the locked door in front of me. I turned back to Edward, expecting him to be right next to me, but was surprised when he was only just then taking the keys out of the ignition. I felt like an idiot for not realizing that I had ran at my natural speed, not at human speed, even though it was the middle of the day and anyone passing Edward's house could have seen me. I looked around quickly, listening carefully for the shocked voices of his neighbors. I was relieved when I didn't hear anything and didn't see any faces peeking out from behind curtains.

Edward, by this time, has made his way up to the front door. "Eager much?" he asked, raising one eyebrow and giving me a wry smile.

I shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess, I am a little. Got a problem with that?" I asked with false bravado, tilting my chin up.

"Nope, not at all really," he responded, opening the door with a flourish of his hand, indicating that I should enter first. Edward, the perpetual gentleman.

"Thank you, kind sir."

"You're welcome, milady."

Our witty exchange was cut short by Clyde raising his hackles and barking at us from the foot of the stairs. Or I should say, Clyde barking at me. The mangy mutt.

"Knock it off, Clyde!" The dog silenced at Edward's command, whimpering in disappointment, obviously torn between obeying his master and protecting him from me. Edward walked over to sit on the steps, scooping up the dog and putting him in his lap. Clyde cuddled up with him, whining and licking his face, while Edward said nonsensical things to the dog. I could smell the stale dog breath from here and I knew that Edward would have to wash his face before I came anywhere close to him. I couldn't help but see, though, how devoted Clyde was to Edward and how much Edward loved his dog. I wondered what would happen to Clyde if, or probably more appropriately, when Edward was changed. Maybe Clyde could get used to having me around and we could take him with us. Or he could stay with the Cullens if he could get used to them.

Edward was talking to Clyde, trying to reason with him. "Be nice to Miss Bella, okay? She's a nice vampire. She only eats animals. Well, I guess that's no comfort to you, seeing as how you are an animal, but I bet she would never eat you. You're much too cute. Yes, you are. Yes, you are." Edward continued baby-talking Clyde for a few minutes more, while I stood transfixed by the perplexing sight in front of me. Edward and Clyde seemed completely enthralled with each other and Clyde gave Edward's face another wet lick, before Edward deposited him gently on the floor. Clyde scampered off, completely ignoring me. I could feel his disdain though.

I sat next to Edward on the steps, the urgency I felt getting out of the car almost completely gone. He put his arm around me, trying to pull me closer, but I steadfastly refused to be budged. "Edward, you smell like dog slobber. This is as close as I'm going to come at the moment."

Edward removed his arm. "Oh, sorry. Must be terrible with your sense of smell."

"It really is."

"You would never eat Clyde, would you?" Edward asked abruptly, clearly worried that my control would snap and I would make Clyde a quick snack.

"Well, carnivores do taste better…" Edward looked absolutely horrified and I quickly went on. "I'm kidding. I would never eat your dog. What kind of person do you think I am? Besides, carnivores only taste better because they eat other animals. The Kibbles 'n Bits you're feeding your dog is not exactly animal-based."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. I think I'm going to go wash my face. Come up in a minute? Hopefully I can wash away all traces of dog saliva."

I nodded my agreement and lingered on the steps for a few minutes before going up to join him.

==/==/==

We laid on his bed, kissing lazily. I loved pressing my lips against his skin, finding the parts that yielded the most to my hard lips. His shoulders were particularly durable, while the skin right below his chin and all the way down his neck was delightfully pliable. I found that the softer the skin that I kissed was, the more he squirmed.

Laying across his bare chest, I had easy access to a lot of soft places on Edward and I kissed and licked all of them repeatedly, concentrating on a few key spots. I was thirsty and needed to feed, but I knew I wouldn't hurt him. I just had to make sure to keep my teeth away from his skin. It was more of a challenge than I would have expected. I loved feeling the blood rush under his skin and feel his heart beating heavily under my lips and apparently he liked the sensation of my lips on him as well.

"You're driving me insane." He was panting slightly and I could feel my effect on him on my hip. I pressed my hips down on his erection, loving this particular length of durable skin. He pushed his hips up and tangled his fingers in my hair. I tilted my head up, touching my lips to his and snaking my tongue out to lick his top lip. He seemed particularly excited by that, bringing his head forward and opening his mouth. I slipped my tongue in his mouth, briefly, knowing the risks but not caring at the moment, just luxuriating in the feel of his wet, warm tongue sliding along mine. I retreated, though, when I felt his tongue come close to my teeth. I kicked myself for risking it, but the moans coming from Edward made it worth it.

I kissed down his neck and onto his chest, dragging my torso across his erection, feeling him grow even harder. I imagined kissing all the way down his chest, onto his stomach and engulfing him in my mouth. I knew it wasn't possible, at least not now, but it was nice to imagine and I couldn't help the subsequent moan that the imagery elicited from me.

As if he was reading my mind, Edward gasped out, "What can we do?" I stopped in my tracks, looking up at him. "Not that I don't absolutely love what we've been doing, but I know there are limits and I was wondering what they were."

"Well, I think that anything with mouths would be a bad idea. My teeth are just too sharp. Believe me, it would not be a pretty picture." I could see his face fall in disappointment. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. When I become a vampire, will it be possible?"

"Yes, it would be. Your skin would be as resilient as mine. I would still have to be careful, though."

He pondered this for a second, before continuing. "What about my mouth on you?"

"I don't think so. I worry about you ingesting the venom."

"I kiss you. You have venom in your mouth and that doesn't hurt me."

I was becoming uncomfortable with this conversation and I mumbled, "The quantities are a little different."

The blood rushed to Edward's cheeks. "Oh, I see."

I reached up to kiss him, putting my palm on his cheek and relishing in the heat coming off of it. As we kissed, the heat diminished along with my own embarrassment. I wondered if there was a time when I would feel fully comfortable discussing sex with Edward. I truly hoped so.

He rolled us over, kissing along my neck. "So, no oral. What about…intercourse?"

My inclination was to say no, but I thought about Tanya and her sisters and I realized that they had been having sex with humans for centuries. "Yes, it's possible."

"Huh. I wasn't really expecting you to say yes, to be honest."

"There are some vampire women in Alaska, vegetarians like the Cullens, who…well…have made it a habit to sleep with human men. So, it is possible." As I was contemplating the mechanics of how exactly this would work and formulating a call to Tanya, Edward had unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them halfway down my thighs, apparently ready to slide into home at this very moment. "Whoa whoa whoa! Not right now. Let me do some research first."

"Oh sorry. Right. That was a bit rude."

"That's okay. I just want to call the sisters first to see if there is anything we need to do first or anything like that."

"Okay, that's fine." Edward rolled back a little, obviously disappointed that he had been shot down.

"Edward, we can still do the other stuff right now."

"Awesome."

"And I'll call Tanya tonight."

"Even more awesome."

"Well, since you've already got my pants halfway down, you might as well finish the job."

Edward laughed, and then went about his task with the tenacity of, well, Edward getting into my pants.

==/==/==

Edward ate some dinner later and we snuggled in his bed, listening to music and talking until he was ready to go to sleep. As he drifted off, he mumbled, "You're going to call Tanya, right? Because I really wanna have sex."

I snorted, amused at his bluntness. "Yes, I'll call her soon. I wanna have sex too, don't worry."

"Mmm, good." He cuddled up to me, falling asleep quickly. I laid with him for a while, going through my nightly ritual of brushing back his hair and touching his face and just staring at him, listening to him breathing in and out and his heart beat. It was hard to express how nice he was to look at. I even liked the little bit of scruff growing on his cheeks. We would have to make sure he was clean-shaven when he was changed, though.

It was hard to pull myself away, but I managed it around three in the morning. As soon as I stepped out of the bed and grabbed my phone, it buzzed with a text message.

I opened the message from Alice and found a number displayed with the name Tanya underneath it. _I don't think you have this in your phone. Good luck with the conversation!_

I closed the message and dialed the number from memory. Tanya answered on the first ring.

"Hello, dearest Bella." Her tone was warm, but slightly mocking.

"Hi, Tanya."

"I hear you have some very important questions for me." I heard a cacophony of laughter from the background and Tanya shushing her sisters. Great. They were laughing at me. Just what I needed right before what was probably going to be the most embarrassing conversation of my life. I could barely talk to Edward, love of my life and soul mate, about sex. I could hardly conceive of talking to the much more experienced Tanya about it.

"Yes, I presume Alice has told you about the nature of the call."

"She has, indeed. But before we begin, I would like to say congratulations on finding your mate. I am so very happy for you." I could hear the sincerity in her voice and I appreciated it more than I knew I would be able to express.

"Thank you very much."

"Now. Sex."

"Yep. Sex."

"What do you want to know?"

"I mean, I know it's possible, but I guess I'm mostly curious about the mechanics of it."

I heard her throaty laugh come down the line. "Well, it's really fairly simple. He puts his pen…"

I cut her off before she could get further. "I know that part. Gosh. You know what I mean."

"I do, I do. Seriously now, there's really not much more to it than between two humans or two vampires. Obviously, keep your teeth away from him."

"Okay, that doesn't seem too hard." I was feeling good about this, pleased that it seemed to be a real possibility.

"Well I don't want to mislead you. Keeping the teeth away is a little bit harder than it sounds. When you're in the moment, it is extremely difficult to do and we have all failed many, many times. Killing the men that we loved wasn't always what we were intending to do. We made the decision to become vegetarians long before we killed our last man."

I shivered slightly, seeing anonymous men lying naked and drained while Tanya stood over them. The scene shifted quickly to a lifeless Edward laying in his bed, dead by my hand. I gasped audibly. "No. No, it's not worth it." I closed my eyes tightly, trying to dispel the image from my head. As if he could sense my distress, Edward's breathing caught and he moaned quietly. I froze, waiting to see if he was waking up. He rolled over and fell quiet again.

"Bella, calm down." Tanya's cold as steel, calm voice broke through my panic. "Don't be overdramatic. Do you love him?"

"Yes. Of course." What a stupid question.

"He's your mate?"

"Yes."

"When was the last time you fed from a human?"

"Decades ago."

"Then you'll be fine. Hunt beforehand, let him control the movement, and think about who he is to you." Tanya grew quiet for a second and sighed. "I have loved many men, Bella, but only physically. There were quite a few that I felt strong affection for and, if I had been human, I could have probably lived long and happy lives with them. I don't know how it feels to make love to a mate and, frankly, after so many years of independence, I'm not sure if I would even want to find the person I am supposedly fated to be with. All this is to say that I know that you will not hurt him. You may be tempted but just look into his eyes and I'm sure you'll be fine."

"You really think so?" I whispered the question into the phone, wanting desperately to believe her.

"I have no reason to lie to you."

"I suppose that's true." I paused, feeling extremely embarrassed by my next question. "I have another question," I mumbled into the phone.

"Okay, go for it."

I huffed out a breath. "What about…you know, the temperature difference…between the two of us?"

"Hmm…yes, that does seem like it would be a problem, but honestly, I've never gotten a complaint."

I made a noise of disbelief. "Yeah, right."

"Bella, we are very, very attractive to human men. Incredibly so, to be perfectly honest. I'm not trying to be vain. Surely you've noticed the attention that you receive from men." I hummed my assent and she continued. "When the time comes, your Edward won't be thinking of anything but finally being able to stick his dick in you."

"Tanya!" I was shocked. What a crass way to put it. Never mind the fact that the idea of Edward being that excited to…have sexual relations with me was doing funny things to me.

"What? It's just the truth."

"Fine. Whatever." I shook my head, trying to shake the imagery that her words had engendered from my head. We sat in silence for a moment.

"So, tell me, Bella, is this human cute?"

I scoffed. "Tanya, cute doesn't even begin to cover it."

"Oh really?"

"He's pretty much the best looking person in the world."

Despite the fact that I was being perfectly serious, Tanya laughed. "I find that hard to believe. You will have to bring him to Alaska one day so I can be the judge of that."

"Maybe one day. We'll see. I'm still not sure what the plan is for after we graduate."

"Sounds like you two have a lot to talk about." Tanya said it without judgment. She was only stating the facts and I couldn't disagree with her. I murmured my agreement and was just about to ask about her sister, Irina and her new mate, Laurent, when I was cut off by the sound of Edward's heart rate picking up. I had been closely monitoring it, especially since he had woken up briefly, making sure he was sleeping peacefully. Not only was he awake now, he sounded distressed.

"Bella!" There was panic in his voice and Tanya could hear it too.

"I'll let you go, Bella. Take care of him," Tanya said quickly, hanging up the phone before I could answer.

I was through the door and halfway across Edward's room when I clapped the phone shut and tossed it aside. Edward was sitting up, blindly looking around the room, unable to see me in the dark. I put a knee up on the bed and he immediately turned to me, reaching his hand out. I clasped it in my mine.

"Bella," he sighed, lying back down on his back. His breathing was still heavy and I could hear that his heart hadn't returned to its normal speed.

"What's wrong, Edward?"

"Nothing. I just woke up and didn't know where you were."

I laid down next to him, not really believing him, but not really sure how to tell him I didn't think he was being entirely truthful. We laid there in silence for a moment and I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp slightly.

"I love when you do that," Edward said softly. "It's very calming."

"Did you need to be calmed?"

Edward shrugged and pulled me into his arms so that I was lying across his chest. "I guess I did." He shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable. When he settled, he spoke again, "I had a nightmare."

"Tell me about it? Please?" I desperately wanted to know what was going on in his mind.

"It was just a nightmare, Bella. It's not that big of a deal." His tone was dismissive and annoyed and I was surprised at how deeply it hurt.

I rolled off of him and sat at the edge of the bed with my shoulders slumped. "Well, I'll let you get back to sleep." I bit my tongue, not wanting to be dramatic, but also not wanting to force my presence on him if he didn't want it. I was at a loss though, with no idea where to go, so I just sat there with my feet up on the railing and my hands digging into the mattress.

I could hear Edward roll over onto his side and I risked a glance back, thinking maybe he was turning to face me. Instead he was facing the wall. I tried not to take it personally. He didn't want to talk to me about it and that was fine. It was fine, too, that I had told him practically every important thing about myself within a seventy-two hour period, but he wouldn't even tell me about one nightmare. Yes, it was all fine. I bit my lip sharply to not turn around and tell him exactly how fine it all was.

Edward wasn't asleep. I knew that for sure. The minutes stretched out and we just sat.

"It was about my parents, okay?" His voice was still defiant, but softer.

"Okay." I was at a loss as to what to say and nervous to ask another question, but did so anyway. "Do you have nightmares a lot?"

"I used to." His voice held a hint of some meaning that I wasn't catching.

"When did they stop?"

"Since you started sleeping with me." He said it like he was admitting something distasteful, like he was defeated by the notion. I, on the other hand, was happy that I could chase away some of his fears, which only left me more confused.

"O-kay. I'm sorry…I guess?" Edward let out a frustrated sigh and that led directly to my own outburst. "I don't know what's going on! Are you mad at me? For chasing your nightmares away? I don't understand why you're frustrated with that."

"Because it's a crutch! They came back as soon as you weren't in the same bed with me. What happens when you're not here all night?"

A-ha. It all came together. "Like on Wednesday? When I go hunting?"

"Yeah." Edward's voice was quiet, just barely discernible, even to my heightened hearing. "I'm going to miss you and I don't want you to leave."

"I don't want to leave you either. It's the last thing that I want to do, but I have to. Not hunting is not an option."

"I know. Doesn't mean that I have to be happy about it."

I crawled back in bed with him, relieved that he wasn't angry with me, but still upset that my absence would cause him pain. I curled around him and snuggled my face into his back, trying to reach my arm around his torso, but it couldn't quite make it. Instead I played with the hairs of his appropriately named happy trail.

"Are we okay?" I asked nervously.

"Yeah, we're okay. I'm sorry that I freaked out for a second." Edward went on to recount the details of his nightmare and I clutched him tighter. There was such pain in his voice as he told me about the imagined alleyway and his parents' faceless attackers. It reminded me of my own senseless killing of the mugger and his victim. I wouldn't tell Edward that though, not wanting to mix our experiences to provide him fresh horrors. Instead I tried my best to reassure him as he drifted off to sleep.

I wouldn't make a promise to him, for fear that I wouldn't be able to keep it, but I vowed to myself that while he still had the ability, I would never let Edward sleep alone.


	20. Chapter 20

Edward had fallen asleep quickly after our talk, but not before he had batted my hand away from his stomach, claiming that I was driving him insane. I said I was sorry, but I didn't really mean it. School on Tuesday was similar to Monday, except without the Lauren drama. We even managed to make it through the entire day this time, before escaping to his house to make out.

Alice called in the evening, letting me know that we were going to leave before dawn the next morning to drive to our hunting grounds before the sun caught up with us. As I got off the phone with Alice, Edward looked at me questioningly.

"That was Alice." He nodded, indicating that I should continue. "She was just telling me the plan for tomorrow." I paused, wondering how to phrase this next part. "We have to leave pretty early in the morning. Before you would have to wake up." I glanced shyly up at him, stepping closer and leaning my head on his chest. He grinned down at me, something that I did not expect. "What?"

He shrugged, his big, silly grin firmly in place. "You're very beautiful. That's all." He leaned down to kiss me, gliding his hands down my sides and tugging on my hips until they came in contact with his own. He moved his lips down to my neck and I was momentarily distracted. Especially when his hand came up and moved my hair away from my neck, his fingers running all the way down the strand.

I snapped out of the daze he put me in long enough to speak. There were important things to discuss! "Edward?" Silence, except for the sound of his lips brushing against my neck. "Edward!"

"Sorry. Right." He pulled away, looking reluctant about it. "You're very distracting."

"I don't mean to be."

"I know. It's one of the things I like about you. You don't have to try to drive me insane, you just do."

"Er…thanks, I guess," I said, not really understanding the difference. "Seriousness for a second, please."

"Yes, of course," Edward replied, putting on his mock serious face.

"Do you want me to wake you up tomorrow when I leave?"

He reached his hand up to the back of his neck and ran his fingers through the hair there. "Yeah, sure, that would be great." He wouldn't meet my eye and I could tell he was embarrassed.

I put my hand on his chin, pulling his face around so that he had to look at me. "Hey, you don't have to be embarrassed with me," I said softly. "I don't want you to feel bad for telling me the truth. It's okay to still be having a hard time with everything."

His eyes held so much sadness. "I just…I don't want to feel this way anymore. I just want to be over it, but then that makes me feel like a bad son for wanting to forget about my parents' death like I don't even care."

"It's not forgetting, Edward. There's nothing wrong with wanting to heal. It's just going to take some time, that's all. In the meantime, let me help you. I'll listen to you whenever you want and I'll even wake you up in the middle of the night so that you don't have to sleep alone." I gave him a reassuring smile, hoping he knew I was being serious and that he wasn't alone anymore, even if I did have to leave him every once in a while.

He smiled sadly, pulling me to him again as he buried his face in my neck. His methodical deep breaths told me he was trying to contain his emotions, so I just stroked his hair and squeezed him as tight as was safe. I wanted to hug him as hard as he was hugging me, as tight as physically possible, but crushing him didn't seem like a particularly good idea. He rocked us back and forth, or maybe that was me rocking us, but regardless, we swayed from side to side for what seemed like an eternity. I was hit with a wave of longing for our forever to start as soon as possible, the future where he was safe and immortal and we never had to part. Where I could always be there to take care of him and he would always be there to take care of me. We needed each other and it was a wonderful, yet terrifying feeling. He could be taken away at any moment. Feeling his heart beat slowly against my chest was a tactile reminder that that heart could stop at any moment and I might not be there in time.

My breathing hitched and I squeezed tighter, too tight, I realized, when I heard Edward exhale sharply. I let go immediately, but Edward held on, rubbing my back. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly into my neck.

"Nothing, I just love you and want you to be happy."

He kissed me softly on the neck. "You make me happy."

I couldn't help but smile at his earnest declaration. "Even when I hurt you?"

"What do you mean? When you squeezed too tight?" I pulled away and nodded, rubbing my hands softly over where my arms had pinched him. "Nah, that didn't hurt. Surprised me a little and knocked the wind out of me, but it didn't really hurt."

I had no idea if he was being completely genuine or if he was lying to make me feel better. Either way it was sweet. I looked up at him again and he smiled widely. There was apparently something about looking up at him with wide eyes that made him happy. I filed that information away for later use. "You know, I had that talk with Tanya." He nodded, his smile growing even larger along with another part of his anatomy that was now pressing into my lower stomach. "She essentially said all systems are go, but that we should wait until after I've hunted."

"Well, that's convenient, seeing as how you happen to be going hunting tomorrow."

I shrugged, a coy smile on my face. "That is convenient. Do you want to try when I get back?"

Edward laughed abruptly, clearly amused by my question. "Bella, I want that more than pretty much anything in the world."

"Oh, right. Okay," I said, my own grin taking over my face, "let's try it." I sobered for a moment. "But we have to be careful. You have to let me know as soon as it happens if I start to hurt you. Don't be brave about it, okay? I could really hurt you without even trying."

"I'll tell you."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I won't let you hurt me."

"Good." I turned, taking his hand and led him up the stairs. We talked some more, but went to bed soon after, both knowing that he would be waking up early with me and not sleeping again until I made it back home.

==/==/==

Five o'clock in the morning came much too soon, heralded with the beeping of a car horn and the ringing of my cell phone.

When I answered, Alice's voice rang clearly through the phone and from outside the house. "It's time to go. You've got ten minutes to say good-bye to lover boy before I send…hmm…Rosalie in. Yes, that'll work."

"Alright, I'll be down in nine and a half minutes."

"I know," Alice singsonged as I hung up on her. I heard her laughter from the front yard and smiled as I leaned into kiss Edward softly on the cheek. He was sprawled on his stomach, a position that he had been in for an hour or so. He had one hand tucked under his chin and the other had been planted squarely on my posterior for a while now. That would also explain the slight curving of his lips into a devilish smile even as he slept.

"Edward," I whispered into his ear, before kissing it, too.

"Mmm…what? Just go back to sleep, Bella." He sounded grumpy, his lips turning down and his voice scratchy and hoarse. He pulled himself toward me and snuggled his face up against my chest.

I laughed a little, amused that he had apparently forgotten that I don't sleep. "Edward, you have to wake up."

He flopped onto his back despondently. "Why?" he whined.

"I have to leave soon. In about eight minutes, to be exact."

He sat up, rubbing his eyes slowly. "Oh yeah. That's right. When will you be back? Tonight?" The hope in his voice was unmistakable.

I didn't want to make any promises that I couldn't keep, so I told him the truth. "Maybe. I'm not sure. Typically the Cullens will leave early in the morning and then be gone for a full twenty-four hours. I don't know what their plan is this time. But I'll try." As hard as I could, I would try to get back before he fell asleep. "You will try to sleep if I can't make it back tonight, right?"

"I'll try."

"I guess that's all I can ask." I stood up from the bed and walked to get my bag ready to go. Edward dragged himself out of bed as well, standing close to me as I made sure I had my book for the drive and an extra pair of clothes in the bag, despite the fact that I had already checked, double-checked and triple-checked it already.

We were both trying to be stoic, but it felt like I was being stabbed in the chest, the pain was so acute, and I tried not to think of how that pain would only continue to get worse the further away from Edward I moved. I looked up at Edward, wondering if he felt as awful as I did. From the look on his face, I would bet anything that he felt just as anxious and upset about this separation, however temporary it was.

He pulled me into a hug and I put my arms around his neck. He gripped me tightly, lifting me off the ground, and I automatically wrapped my legs around him. I leaned back slightly to look at his face and asked him if I was too heavy.

"No, not at all."

With Edward holding me up, our faces were perfectly level and we took advantage of that fact with a kiss so tender and full of passion that it simultaneously eased the pain of our impending separation and worsened it.

We kissed lazily for the next three and a half minutes, until the sound of a quick horn honk broke us apart. I slid down and picked my bag from the floor. Not wanting to make a big production of it, I simply said, "I'll see you later."

"I'll be right here."

I smiled sadly and turned to leave the room. Halfway out the door, I looked back, wanting one last image of Edward standing in his boxer shorts with his nice legs and pale chest exposed, his hair sticking up in a million directions and his beautiful eyes looking at me. His smile that he smiled only for me, the one where the right side hitched up more than the left, making that side of his nose wrinkle adorably completed the look and I took a mental snapshot of this moment.

"Be careful, please, and I love you."

His "I love you" followed me out to the car. I was sure I was being paranoid, but I had a horrible feeling about leaving him alone. But I reminded myself he was an adult who had been taking care of himself long before I showed up in town. He would be fine for a day. Yes, he would be fine.

==/==/==

I piled into the large SUV with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme were in the car behind us, but I wasn't thinking about seating arrangements. I continued my pep talk all the way to the car, all the way out of Forks, and ten minutes on the highway, before I turned to Alice.

"Alice, please, will you check for me? Make sure he's okay." The panic in my voice was evident and Alice, Jasper and Emmett chuckled at me, while Rosalie patted my knee gently. "What? What's so funny about that?" I was extremely hurt by their lack of understanding.

No one answered me. Instead, Emmett took out a sheet of paper and skimmed the columns. "Okay, let's see who had ten minutes before asking Alice to look ahead. Oh yes, it looks like that was me. Pay up."

"You bet on that?" I was dumbfounded…by a lot of things. "Alice, you lost a bet?"

She shrugged delicately. "You were changing your mind too much. I couldn't get a good read on it." My betrayal must have shown on my face. "Bella, he'll be fine. He goes to school, he comes home, has some dinner. Then, he plays with his dog before reading until you show up…among other things." She smirked slightly.

"Other things?"

"Yeah, I mean, he does other stuff too, but those are the highlights. He'll be fine, really, and you'll be the first one to know if that changes." I glared at her, sure she was hiding something from me, but not sure what it was.

Rosalie, who had put her arm around my shoulder, squeezed tightly. "He'll be okay, Bella. Nothing will happen to him." I put my head on her shoulder, unable to resist the comfort she offered. She reached her hand into her purse and withdrew a wad of bills, handing them to Emmett.

"Rosalie!" I lifted my head from her shoulder and looked up at her.

"Sorry, Bella," she said, sounding truly contrite.

"What'd you have?"

"Um…I had five minutes and demanding to turn around," Rosalie mumbled apologetically.

"Thanks a lot." The sting was wearing off and I could kind of see how it was funny. I put my head back down on her shoulder and got my book out, cracking it open for the drive. It passed swiftly and we all got out of the car at our destination, a wooded area several hours away from Forks. Jasper had driven quickly and we had apparently made good time.

Having never done more than hunt some deer in the park behind our house, I needed some clarification on the game plan. No pun intended.

Alice explained that there were too many elks in this particular national park, so we should make an attempt to cull some of their ranks. I nodded my understanding, and just as I was about to run off to hunt, Alice placed a key in my hand. I looked down, turning it over in my hand, seeing the Mercedes emblem and looking back at Alice.

"Get your fill, then take Carlisle's car back to Forks. You should be able to get out of here and back home before Edward goes to bed."

I stepped forward and hugged her. "Thank you, Alice."

"No problem. Go hunt." I turned and ran through the woods. "To the east, Bella!" I heard Alice call after me, and I adjusted my course.

I hunted alone for a while, running across Jasper's path once, but mostly staying out of everyone else's way. It made sense that I would go back early. After a few hours, we would all be sated with blood and end up either playing with each other or the couples would break up and have destructive forest sex. If that was their plan I would have wanted to go back even if Edward wasn't waiting for me.

Just as I had finished draining my second elk, my cell phone rang. My stomach immediately dropped when I saw that it was Alice calling me. I wasn't even sure why I felt panicked, other than the fact that I had been feeling paranoid and worried since the moment I had left Edward standing in his room.

I flipped open the phone, yelling "What?" into it. The fresh blood was pounding through me, fueling my sense of fear and dread. I began the run to the car, not needing any other prompting.

"The nomads. They came early. They'll be in Forks today." She sounded distressed too, but her news didn't sound so bad. Did it?

"What else, Alice?" I was already at the car, opening the door and sliding inside. I put the phone down, knowing I would be able to hear her just fine without it pressed right to my ear.

"I don't know. I see…I see a lot of things, none of them very clear at the moment."

"Edward, Alice. What about Edward?"

"I can see him. He's going to finish up school and go home and that's all fine. But then, later, the future goes in a dozen directions, none of them very clear to me yet." She sounded frustrated with herself. "A decision hasn't been made. Or an action hasn't happened. I'll know what it is as soon it happens, but for right now, I just don't know."

"I'm going back to Forks. I don't care if I'm overreacting."

"You're not, Bella. We're coming after you as soon as we round everyone up. Jasper is calling all of them right now. Emmett is far to the north, so it'll be a little while. Hang on." I heard her telling Jasper that I was already on my way, and when she returned she simply stated, "Go and go quickly."

I floored the gas pedal, sending the Mercedes careening down the highway much too fast, but I didn't care. Even if it was a false alarm, even if Edward was perfectly fine, reading in his bed and listening to music, I had to be with him. The only way to make the panic go away and for the tightness in my chest to dissipate was to see Edward's face again, as soon as possible.

I spent the next hour and a half holding my breath and holding the gas pedal down. I had almost convinced myself that I was just overreacting when I heard my phone ring again.

I winced as I said hello, not knowing what to expect, but fearing the worst.

Alice's voice was truly panicked this time. "Faster, Bella. James and Victoria are going to run across Edward somewhere in the woods."

"What the hell is he doing in the woods?"

"I don't know! He has his dog with him." That stupid fucking dog. I knew I never liked him. "I don't know! It's all fuzzy. One decision was made and it cleared some stuff up, but ten new ones need to be made before I can see anything else."

"When, Alice?"

"Not right now. Very soon though. The sun has just set in the vision." I looked out the car window, seeing the sun approaching the horizon, but not there yet. I still had time, but not a lot.

"Okay, I'm going to concentrate on driving now. Call if anything changes."

I snapped the phone shut and drove on, not knowing what I would face when I got to Forks, but knowing that I would die before I'd let anyone harm Edward.

If nothing else, I knew I was going to give that dumb dog a swift kick in the ass if he had done anything to cause this.


	21. Chapter 21

Racing along the winding highways, I tried not to imagine the worst. If I could just get to him before the last drop was gone. No. No, that wouldn't happen and thinking along those lines wouldn't help anything. He would come out of this alive, with a beating heart and green eyes, and we could make plans for his change. It wouldn't happen this way. But if they did bite him, I would just have to make sure they didn't kill him. I continued this back and forth with myself all the way to the Forks city limits.

I rolled down the window, taking in deep breaths through my nose, trying to smell something, anything that would give me a clue. On the third deep breath, I smelled it. Other vampires. Two of them, moving on foot, and the scent was fresh. I pulled the car over, throwing up dirt behind it as I veered recklessly onto the shoulder. Leaving the car on the side of the road, I took off at a sprint. I knew it was stupid to leave the car. That it would be traced back to Carlisle and that uncomfortable questions would be raised about why the Cullens had abandoned an expensive car on the side of the road. I didn't really give a shit about those questions at the moment though.

I ran through the woods, watching the sun dip slowly toward the horizon, opening all my senses, trying to pick up on anything that could be useful in finding him. Twigs and branches snapped in my hair and tore my clothing, but I couldn't feel it on my hard skin and it didn't register in my frenzied brain. I followed the trail made by the nomads, but they kept veering away from each other. I realized after a moment that they were chasing each other, the female, it seemed, letting herself be caught but then breaking away again. I huffed out an unnecessary breath. They were two mates playing with each other and I was running for my mate's life. It didn't seem fair. I headed toward Edward's house, following the median point of the two scents as best as I could.

As I approached Edward's house, I began to smell his unique scent as well, mixed with the sickening smell of wet dog that was unique to the mutt he called his pet. Pausing only briefly when I got to the fence at the backyard, I immediately discerned what must have happened. The boards that had been haphazardly tied to the broken section of the chain link had been thrown to the ground and I could smell both Edward and the mutt's scents thick in the air, layered on top of each other. They had both been by the fence recently, but not together.

That stupid fucking dog. It _was_ his fault. I stomped back to the tree line, conscious that other houses looked out over his backyard, and picking up speed slightly as the trees began to surround me. I could still smell Edward and his trail was easy enough to follow through the woods. It intersected at times with the nomads, but they didn't follow the exact same line. Theirs was newer too. They had been moving faster than him and were probably overtaking him at this very moment. The panic rose, almost freezing me where I stood, but I kept pumping my legs. Indecision and weakness had no place in this moment.

Edward, for his part, obviously had had no idea where he was going, seeing as how his path only followed Clyde's for a very short while from the fence. I could tell the exact spot when the nomads came together and discovered a human in the woods, all three scents mixing together and following the same path. I ground my teeth together, vowing that they would not touch a single hair on his head if I had a damned thing to do about it.

I ran faster than I ever had before, conscious of the fading daylight. I focused my hearing in front of me and, after only a few seconds, I could hear them. At first it was just the hard beat of Edward's heart that I could hear and, coupled with the smell of adrenaline in the air, I knew he was scared, which was completely and utterly unacceptable in this world as I knew it.

I was shocked, then, when I heard his angry yelling. "I said, where the fuck did you get that jacket?" Clothing? Really? He was concerned with the clothing of the two people he surely must recognize as vampires standing in front of him?

I was getting closer now, but I could hear James whispering to Victoria. "We should go, I can smell vampire all over him. Who knows what these Cullens are doing, but this human is obviously someone to them."

Edward's heavy breathing was the only sound for a moment and in the silence I was finally able to catch up to them. I entered the copse of trees that they were standing in, skidding to a halt between Edward and James. Victoria had leapt out of the way as soon as I had entered the clearing and was only just skulking back to us.

"Get away from him," I growled out, my knees automatically bending into a defensive position.

James held his hands up. "Relax, we weren't going to do anything. He found us in the woods, not the other way around." I didn't exactly believe his version of events, but I didn't feel like taking the time to argue. Victoria had come to stand behind James, looking over his shoulder, and I stiffened when I saw that she wasn't looking at me, but instead was looking past me to Edward. I recognized the predatory look in her eye and I didn't like it at all. James could be reasoned with, but Victoria seemed to have only one thing on her mind.

I backed up, bumping into Edward and looking up at him. He didn't look down at me though and I was shocked by the look on his face. It was bright red and I could see the faint trail of sweat and possibly tears on his cheeks. He was staring intently at James and I couldn't for the life of me understand why.

Before I could contemplate this turn of events further, Clyde broke through the shrubs at the edge of the small clearing we had found ourselves in, barking and growling at James and Victoria, trying his best to seem bigger and more menacing than he actually was. Too bad even in his most threatening pose he still looked like the runt border collie of the litter, too stupid and happy-looking to be an actual threat.

Glancing quickly up at Edward, I whispered to him, "Come on, Edward. Let's go." I stepped backward, grasping his upper arm in my hand and pulling gently, keeping my eyes firmly fixed on James and Victoria. I was surprised when Edward yanked his arm out of my grasp. "Edward!"

"Where did you get that jacket?" Edward asked, taking a brave step toward James. There was so much menace and malice in Edward's voice that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open for a moment. I didn't know Edward had this amount of anger in him and I was frankly confused by where it was coming from.

I took a long look at James' jacket. For a moment, I couldn't see what had Edward so upset. It was just a normal brown leather bomber jacket. Something tugged at my brain, though, and when my eyes crossed the name badge on the side that said MASEN in large block letters, it all clicked. It was his father's jacket. I could see the picture perfectly in my mind's eye, the one from his mother's library. Edward in a suit, surrounded by his parents, his mom in a black dress and his dad in a leather jacket that looked exactly like the one James now wore. It was dirtier, torn in places, but definitely the same jacket.

It could really only mean one thing. James and Victoria had killed Edward's parents. I groaned, knowing that Edward, the smart boy that he was, had also reached this conclusion upon seeing the jacket he clearly recognize as his father's.

"Where I got this jacket is none of your concern. We are leaving. Come on, Victoria." James took two steps backwards, trying to push Victoria along with him, but the evil glint in her eye told me she had different ideas.

"You have her eyes, you know? But you smell just like he did."

"Shut up," Edward yelled.

"He tasted good, better than her. But she was a screamer, which is always fun." Victoria's laugh sounded like a tiny, annoying bell tinkling and her nasally voice shredded the inside of my ear. I could hear Edward breathing heavily next to me and I began to pull at him again. We needed to get the hell out of dodge before either Victoria or Edward did something stupid. The fact of the matter was that if Edward and Victoria fought, James and I would both have to step in and if that happened it would be a matter of 2 against 1.000001. I didn't like those odds at all.

"Give it back," Edward snarled out. Oh Jesus, Edward, not this. "Give me the jacket." I shut my eyes just for a moment, but snapped them back open before James and Victoria could make a move. If anyone could understand sentimentality for a piece of the past, it was me, but now was not the time.

"Edward, it doesn't matter. It's just a jacket. We need to leave. Now."

Victoria began walking toward Edward and I knew that the time for playing around was done. Knowing that I would regret what I was about to do, I hooked my arm around Edward's ribs and tugged. Hard. I could hear his ribs creak together under his skin and the wind being knocked out of him, but it got him moving in the right direction. Stumbling backward at first, I got both of us away from the small clearing.

I could hear James pulling Victoria away in the same way, whispering soothing words in her ear about how the Cullens wouldn't put up with it if they killed their human and how they would go find someone else outside of Forks to savor instead. I felt bad for whoever that was, but at least it wasn't Edward.

I finally got Edward turned around, walking in the direction of his house. Clyde was still in the clearing, standing tall, growling after the nomads and cautiously watching their retreat. When they got about a hundred yards away, Clyde barked loudly after them, clearly a warning. I could hear Victoria grumbling about how stupid the dog was and I was surprised to find myself even more annoyed with her. Clyde was my dumb dog and she couldn't talk about him like that. Only I could call him stupid. I groaned softly, distressed that I had apparently bonded with the dog against my will. I whistled loudly to get his attention and he ran after us, touching his wet nose on my hand for just a moment before moving around to walk on Edward's other side.

When we were far enough away, I looked up at Edward's face. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, really, having not had the time to process our near disastrous encounter with the nomads, but his clenched jaw and narrowed eyes were disheartening to see.

"Edward, it's okay. They're gone and they won't be back, I swear." I put my hand into his that was hanging limply at his side, squeezing a little in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. My heart broke, though, when he snatched it away. My eyes pricked with tears that wouldn't even form, but I blinked them back anyway, a useless reflex from being human. He still hadn't said anything. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry."

I heard Edward scoff, turning his head away from me. I could see a sarcastic smile on his face, but it didn't fill me with any of the joy his smiles usually did. "Do you even know why you're saying sorry?"

"I don't know." I really didn't. I had no idea why I was apologizing. I had mostly been hoping that saying sorry would be an easy fix to whatever he was mad about. "I'm sorry that you had to deal with crazy vampires and…and that you had to find that out about your parents and just everything."

"Do you even care?" Edward asked.

"What a stupid question, Edward. What does that even mean?"

In just about the worst imitation of my voice I had ever heard, Edward mimicked, "It's only a jacket. It doesn't matter."

"I was trying to get you away from the vampires, Edward. You know, the ones who wanted to kill you? It _didn't_ matter at that moment. I mean, you do realize that we were this close to getting into a fight against two vampires, right? Me, a vampire who only drinks animal blood, you, a human, and Clyde, a demented border collie against two nomadic vampires who drink human blood. We would not have won, Edward. You would have died." I could tell the words weren't getting through to him.

"Right, it didn't matter. To you. But what do you know? You're the girl who burned all of her mother's pictures to suit her own needs." I had realized, long ago, that I was indestructible and that very little in this world could wound me, but Edward's words felt like a very real knife slicing my heart out. It was the lowest of low blows and he knew it.

We were approaching the fence at the end of his backyard and he stomped across the torn down boards, crossing the yard in a few strides, his shoulders hunched up around his ears. Clyde and I trailed behind him. I was lost in a sea of confusion, not knowing what to say or even why he was mad at me. As he reached the door, I called out to him.

He turned slowly, his face blotchy red, his hair sticking up in every direction and a coldness in his eyes that I had never seen before. "What, Bella?"

"Why are you mad at me? I was just trying to help." I tried to do the trick I had learned, looking up at him with wide eyes. Anything to bring some warmth back into his eyes.

"You don't get it?" I shook my head frantically. "If Clyde hadn't escaped, I wouldn't have run into the woods. If I hadn't run into the woods, those friends of yours would have enjoyed a nice little holiday with you and your family and I would have been none the wiser about who killed my parents."

I whimpered pathetically at his anger and I could feel my chin wobble. "I…I don't know what that has to do with me."

"Are you always this obtuse, Bella? No wonder the Cullens get fed up with you!" Edward turned on his heel, opening and stepping through the door in one move. He slammed it, hard, and the windows rattled in their frames. I just stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do or what to say. I looked down at Clyde to find him looking back up at me. A whimper similar to the one I had just made came from his throat. We had both been left out in the cold by Edward and it hurt.

The door flew open and the hope rose in me, but was dashed when I heard Edward's angry voice calling for Clyde. I felt a wet nose on my hand, but then heard Clyde's nails scrambling on the wood of the porch. He was obviously eager to get inside before Edward changed his mind, but it was nice that he seemed to feel at least a little bad about leaving me alone outside. It was okay, though. I would have chosen Edward over Clyde, too, so I couldn't really blame him for abandoning me.

The slamming of the door for the second time was like the final nail in my coffin and I slumped to the porch step. I wrapped my arms around my chest and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I was lost without Edward and I knew I would sit here for as long as it took for him to forgive me.


	22. Chapter 22

He was gone. He had slammed the door in my face and left me alone. I didn't understand. I had been trying to help, not trying to downplay the importance of finding out about his parents. I tried to put myself in his shoes, a task I found incredibly difficult. It must have been so much to deal with at once – being confronted with strange vampires in the middle of the woods, finding out about his parents in the worst possible way, getting threatened, being rescued. I could understand it all, I supposed, on some level, but how did that all translate to being angry with me? I understood that I had said some things that were on the insensitive side in the heat of the moment to get us out of there, but couldn't he see that I was only trying to help?

A few minutes after the door slammed and a few minutes into my downward spiral of trying to figure out Edward's reaction, my phone rang. I knew better than to get my hopes up, knowing it was most likely Alice, and I was right.

"Hello?"

"You're safe?" It wasn't a question, really. I could tell from her voice that she already knew we were fine.

"Yes, we're both safe."

"Good, good. That must have been some quick thinking. Excellent job, Bella."

I snorted derisively. "Yeah, great job. Saved his life and now he won't talk to me. Really well done on my part."

"Yeah, I saw that. What exactly happened there?" Alice's voice was genuinely curious. There were times when she could only see the outcome of an event, but not how it got there.

I groaned, not wanting to recount the whole tale. Instead I cut to the chase. "James and Victoria killed Edward's parents. In Seattle, last April. The jacket that James was wearing tipped Edward off."

"Oh, Edward," Alice murmured sympathetically. "Well, that is just unacceptable." I could hear the resolve growing in her voice. "Don't worry, Bella. We'll take care of it. We're almost to Forks now."

"Okay, I'll be sitting right here," I said wearily. I didn't really know what she meant by 'taking care of it,' but I couldn't find it in me to care.

"Tsk, Bella. Did you leave Carlisle's car on the side of the road?"

"Um…oops?" I could hear her talking in the background.

"That's okay, Carlisle and Esme are going to hop out and follow behind us."

"Whatever."

"Okay, gotta go now." I could hear Alice telling someone to take a left ahead. "And Bella? Don't worry. He'll get over it. Eventually."

"How comforting. Thanks."

We hung up then, after saying our goodbyes, and I stayed where I was, rocking back and forth on the porch. I tried to listen for sounds coming from the house, but I couldn't hear much. Edward had stomped up the stairs, Clyde following in his wake, and I was fairly certain that he was sitting on his bed. I could hear it squeaking slightly and I imagined he was bouncing his leg. He stood up, snapping his fingers at Clyde and walking into the bathroom with him. The shower started and I could hear Clyde's nails squeaking against the porcelain.

"You're filthy, Clyde. Calm down." I perked up at Edward's voice, even though it sounded angry and annoyed, just like it had when he had spoken to me before. It tore at my heart a little and I could envision the scene in the bathroom. Clyde struggling, getting Edward wet, Edward trying to subdue him. I smiled a little, thinking it was probably a very cute scene, but was shocked when I heard Edward shouting, "God damnit Clyde! I said to calm down! Fuck."

I winced at the harshness in his tone and I could hear Clyde whimper despondently, stilling immediately.

Edward took in a shuddering breath, letting it out shakily. "I'm sorry, Clyde. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry." A single sob escaped him. "I didn't mean to get so mad."

This was ridiculous. I wasn't going to sit outside while my entire world fell apart all by himself not twenty feet away. I had wanted to respect his wishes and let him come to me, but I couldn't take this anymore. Just as I stood up, I heard a loud voice calling to me.

"Wait, Bella. Give me just a minute." Alice. Who else?

I spun around, watching as she jumped nimbly over the fallen boards at the back of the yard. She was carrying a large duffle bag that was about half full.

Her eyes were bright gold and she looked…weary, which was shocking. I couldn't remember a day in my life, vampire or human, where Alice had looked anything but happy to be alive. Even in the days and weeks after my change, she maintained her positive outlook. This Alice looked defeated. It compounded my stress and I could feel myself careening toward what would most likely be a very ugly breakdown.

"This won't take long, Bella," Alice said, hopping onto the porch and setting the duffle bag down. She leaned down to unzip it, pulling out a lump of brown fabric that I immediately recognized.

"The jacket," I muttered, the wonder clear to my own ears. "How…when…what?" I shook my head to clear it. "How did you get this?" I held it in my hands like it was the most precious object in the world. Which, at this moment, it was.

"We Cullens work quick." She paused and I made a circular motion with my hand, indicating that she could continue. "James and Victoria are dead. Outnumbered, they didn't stand a chance."

"Thank you. Thank you so much. Why did you do this for me? For us?"

Alice's eyebrows came together, a look of extreme annoyance on her face. "Bella, please. You're our family. You have a mate. That makes your mate family too, which means his parents are family. There was no way we would let this go unpunished." I didn't appreciate the way that she spoke slightly slower than normal, like I was unintelligent or…what was the word Edward used? Obtuse?

"I see." I swallowed heavily, feeling the thickness of my venom in my throat. The hunt had sent a new batch of fresh venom pumping through my body and it made me feel lighter and more energetic. It was a strange companion to the depression that was weighing me down from the fight with Edward. "I think I really screwed up this time, Alice. I think he's really mad at me."

"I think he was mad at you," Alice stated, zipping the duffel bag back up. That was it? That's all she had to say about it? No sage advice? No all-knowing smugness? Just an affirmation of what I already knew?

"Alice, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine. You should go inside now." A part of me desperately wanted to put whatever was bothering Alice out of my mind and go to Edward, but like she had said, we were family.

"No. Tell me what's wrong."

"Really? You don't want to go see Edward?" She looked up at me, the vulnerability clear in her eyes.

"Well, I do want to go see Edward, but that can wait a minute. Did something happen with the nomads?" I was fairly sure he had stepped into the shower after he finished cleaning Clyde, so I had a few moments.

She nodded her head quickly, her lips pursing and her eyes shining. "When we were about to kill James, he tried to bargain for Victoria's life. If we let her go, he would tell me something about me that no one knew. Something about my human life."

"What? How would he know that?" This was exciting news. We never really talked about it, but it was an open secret that Alice longed for more information about her past.

"I don't know."

"But didn't you find out? Somehow?"

"I couldn't do it, Bella. In the moment, I knew it wasn't right to trade knowledge about my past for Edward's safety and peace of mind in the present." I was touched by her willingness to sacrifice her curiosity for Edward. "But now I've lost all chance of finding out about my past. It's gone, I can feel it. There was always hope before, but with their death, it's gone."

"Alice. Thank you for doing that for us." I pulled her into a hug, not knowing what else to say to her. My shirt muffled her sobs and we just held each other for a long moment. She pulled back, tugging at her shirt, smoothing out the wrinkles.

"You're so unselfish, Alice. Always putting others before yourself. I wish I could be like that, too. I always seem to be doing the wrong thing. The thing that works the best for me, not for others."

"You're getting better. Just look at you right now. After getting in an argument and getting shut out by Edward, what did you do?"

"Nothing! I just sat here, waiting for him to do something." I flailed my arms around, indicating the sorry state of the porch where I had sat like a lump listening to Edward in his house.

"No, Bella. You gave him space. But more importantly than that, you didn't leave. I never once saw you running away in any of my visions. The only thing that would change was how long you would sit until you went inside. You never even thought about leaving."

"No, I didn't. Not once." I was beginning to see her point.

"All the other times in your life, when you were faced with a situation you couldn't deal with, you ran away. It speaks volumes, at least to me, that you stayed." She reached her hand up, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear and gave me a warm smile. "Your hair's a mess, by the way."

I smiled back, happy to see that the old Alice was bouncing back a little. I could still see the sadness there in her eyes, but if there was one thing I knew about Alice, it was that she wouldn't let this hold her down. I patted my head, feeling the twigs and leaves there. "Oh, no. I can't go in like this. Help me fix it, Alice."

Alice laughed at me, helping me pull out the bits of forest that had become lodged in my hair during my run. The sound of the shower shutting off from above us was our cue to break apart.

"Hmm…it looks okay for the most part."

I laughed slightly, starting to feel nervous about what was waiting for me inside. "I guess I'll take 'okay for the most part.'"

"You'll be fine." She shut her eyes for a moment. "Just take it slow and listen to what he's saying. More anything I think he just needs you right now."

"Wish me luck."

"You won't need luck." She patted me on the back once, pushing me toward the door. I clutched Edward's dad's jacket to my chest and opened the door quickly, before I could talk myself out of it.

Stepping inside, a part of me relaxed, knowing that I was at least in the same physical space as Edward now. I closed the door softly, but Clyde heard me from one floor above. He carefully made his way down the stairs, trailing water behind him. I met him on the steps, giving him a pat on the head. Now that I was in the house, I wanted to see Edward as soon as possible.

I trotted up the stairs, but was surprised to see Edward peeking around the corner. I stopped short, my eyes wide, feeling like I had been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"Bella?" His hair was wet from the shower and he looked less angry than he had been before.

"Um…yeah. Hi." I thrust the jacket toward him, realizing as he reached out to take it that I probably could have handled that situation a little better.

He unfolded it, holding it up in front of his face, blocking me from seeing his eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking when he asked, "Where'd you get this?"

"Alice. Well, Alice and the Cullens. They…took care of the James and Victoria situation."

He lowered it, the surprise clear in his eyes. "What does that mean?"

"They killed them. I told them about what happened to your parents. They would never allow someone who had hurt the family to go without…the proper retribution." I cautiously smiled at him, hoping he would see the gesture for what it was. We were a part of the Cullen family and they cared enough to risk their safety to avenge his parents' death.

He looked at me and nodded once, seeming to understand. He seemed tense now, eyebrows pulled together and his bottom lip between his teeth. I had never seen this particular expression and I wasn't sure what it meant. "Are you still mad at me?"

"No, Bella, I'm not."

"You're not?" I stepped up the final step, coming to stand closer to him.

"I'm not sure I was ever really mad at you." I gave him a skeptical look. "Okay. Maybe I was a little angry, but I was just…overwhelmed, I think. It was just so much to take in."

"I know it was. I realize that now. I'm sorry that I just completely disregarded how you might have been feeling about finding out about your parents."

"Bella…"

"Wait. Let me finish. I was on such a high from rescuing you and being useful to you that I didn't even stop to think about what you were thinking or what you were feeling. It's not that I didn't care. Because I do care, more than anything. It's just that I didn't think about it. That's not much of an excuse, I know. But it's all I've got."

"I _was_ mad at you for not being more sympathetic, but what I said to you was completely out of line. It makes me sick to think that I talked to you like that. I promise that I won't do it again."

I shrugged. "The things you said weren't necessarily untrue."

He shook his head fiercely. "No, that's not the point. The point is that I said them to hurt you." He looked pointedly at me, but I averted my eyes, shrugging again. "And it did hurt you, didn't it?"

"It did, I guess."

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, Bella. It was something I never wanted to do." He ran his hand through his hair, the sadness in his eyes forcing me forward. I hugged him around the middle as tightly as I thought safe. When he immediately put his arms around me, it felt like everything wrong in the world clicked into place and became right again. I could feel the jacket still gripped in his hand on my back and I was glad that I could get it back to him.

"I forgive you, Edward, and I'm sorry too."

"I forgive you, too."

We stood there wrapped up in each other for a moment, before I spoke again. "Look at us being all mature." He laughed lightly, which made me smile. "Are we okay now?"

"I think so. It might take a little while to get back to normal, but we'll get there."

"Yeah, we will." I looked up at him. "Can I kiss you?"

"Of course, you never have to ask," he said, placing his father's jacket carefully on the table in the hallway. He leaned down, touching his lips to mine softly for a moment, holding my gaze. I breathed out, closing my eyes and leaning into him. His arms tightened around me, his lips pressing more firmly onto mine and I couldn't help myself. I sucked his upper lip slightly into my mouth, caressing it with my tongue, feeling the blood swirl hotly under the delicate skin of his lip. He groaned, pushing his hips against my stomach incessantly. I could feel his arousal against me, hard and hot, the blood swirling even more feverishly under that delicate skin, making my head spin and the newly-created venom from the hunt pound through me.

My hands clutched at his shirt, suddenly desperate for him. On some level, I knew it was too quick. We weren't back to normal yet and adding sex to the equation might just make things more complicated. We should probably stop right now, before this got too far. I was going to kiss him just one more time and then pull back. There were still things to be discussed.

I really did plan on stopping, but his hands moved down to my backside, palming it strongly and pulling me toward him, pushing himself even harder against my stomach. He bent down, his hands traveling to the back of my thighs and snaking to the inside of them. I whimpered, pushing into his hands.

"Hop up, Bella."

"Oh, right, okay." I hopped up lightly, wrapping my legs around his waist. He turned us around, leaning me against the wall and I slid down a little until we were perfectly aligned. Edward groaned, moving to kiss and suck on my neck.

He paused long enough to whisper in my ear. "Do you want to? Now?" I could hear the tiny bit of hope in his voice, but I knew that if I said no, he would be okay with it. That he wouldn't force the issue. But there was no way I was going to lie and tell him no.

"Yes, I do. Please." He held my gaze for a moment. I guessed he was trying to see if I was telling the truth or not, so I reached up to touch his face softly and he closed his eyes. "Please."

He pushed off the wall, one arm around me holding me up and the other reaching for his door. He pushed it open, walking in and turning around to close it. Clyde had begun to walk in with us, but Edward put a stop to that.

"Clyde, stay." He closed the door in the dog's face and I realized I had been right; I happily abandoned the dog without a second thought for the chance to be with Edward. Best decision I had made that day.


	23. Chapter 23

Hurrying across the room, Edward laid me down on the crumpled blankets, my back bouncing against the sheets. I felt the corner of a book poking into my shoulder and I let go of his neck to reach behind me. Pulling out the book, I brought it in front of my face, smirking slightly at the title.

"_Dracula_, Edward? Really?" I arched my eyebrow at him, amused at the blood that rushed to his cheeks, leaving them an adorable pink.

"I missed you, okay? It reminded me of you."

I tossed the book onto the floor and brought my hand to his face, pressing my palm to his warmer than normal skin and relishing the heat. "You know it's not a very accurate portrayal of vampires, right?"

He rolled his eyes a little. "I know that, Bella, but still, it reminded me of you."

"Well, I think it's sweet." I pulled his face down, giving him a soft kiss which he immediately turned into more.

The kiss continued and he moved his hands down my body, grasping the hem of my shirt, muddy from the run, and peeling it off. He tossed it toward the laundry hamper without taking his eyes away from my chest for a moment.

Licking his lips, he leaned down and took my left nipple in his mouth and sucked gently. The warmth of his mouth spread through my breast, into my entire upper body, warming me up from the inside. It was glorious, feeling this with him again. My hips twitched, the warmth spreading lower and Edward pushed his hips down, letting me feel his hard length, while his mouth was still attached to my chest. He set a rhythm, gently pushing into me again and again, sucking harder and harder. He stopped suddenly and I made a half-whimper, half-groan sound in the back of my throat that was cut off when I realized he was only switching to the other side. He set the same rhythm, back and forth, back and forth and I put my hands in his hair, gripping tightly, not sure if I wanted him to stop or if I wanted him to keep going. I moved my hips with him and he groaned.

I pushed back on his shoulder.

"What? Is everything okay?" He asked, looking adorably confused.

"Yes, everything's fine. Let's just speed this up, okay?"

"Oh, alright, that sounds good to me." He sat back on his heels, moving his hand to the top of my jeans and unbuttoning the button carefully, watching my face. He reached for the zipper, but I put a hand down to stop him.

"Take your shirt off. Please." I didn't want to be naked in front of him while he was fully clothed.

He smiled softly. "Of course," he said, pulling his t-shirt over his head and tossing it behind him. I reached up to touch his chest, pushing my palm flat over his heart and feeling its faster than normal beat. I traced a line with my finger down his chest and onto his stomach, smiling when his breath hitched as I dipped my finger below the waistband of his boxers peeking from the top of his jeans. I unbuttoned them with a flick of my thumb, liking the way that he couldn't seem to take his eyes off my hand. I pulled the zipper down slowly, deliberately being a tease now, but I didn't think he minded.

When the zipper was down as far as it would go, I again put my finger under the waistband of his boxers, pulling them forward slightly and snapping them against his skin. He jumped a little, letting out a laugh and a moan in a single breath.

"Stop teasing me." It wasn't a reprimand, so much as a desperate plea for me to touch him.

I moved my finger down to the button on the front of his boxers that lay, conveniently, right above his erection. I pushed softly on it, letting my other fingers brush against him. "But I like teasing you." He groaned slightly, moving his hands from where they had been resting on his thighs to my hips, which he gripped tightly.

I decided that enough teasing was enough, and I flicked the button open, reaching inside his boxers and wrapping my hand around him, squeezing softly. He pushed his hips forward, seemingly without realizing it, letting his head fall to one side. I moved my hand up to the top, running my palm over the smooth head and pushing down just a little. The hands on my hips squeezed once and then he brought them forward, running both hands down the inside of my hip bones and using his thumbs to push down on the sensitive skin between my legs. I could feel the pressure building in my lower stomach and I was getting tired of the foreplay.

Apparently Edward was too, moving his hands quickly to my zipper and pulling it down, while I continued to move my hand up and down inside his boxer. His breathing was getting heavy and I could feel the blood pounding against my hand. It was magnificent, all that hot blood right under the surface, but Tanya had been right, I had no desire to bite or to feed from him. I only wanted to touch him more, feel that blood pound against me while he was inside of me. My eyes fluttered closed at just the thought of how that would feel.

He shimmied my jeans over my hips and I raised them slightly so he could pull them all the way off. He moved back, out of my reach and I let my hand fall to the side while he finished pulling off my jeans. He stood up, depositing them on the ground and divesting himself of his jeans and boxers.

We looked at each other for a moment, me laying on the bed and him standing in front of me. I couldn't be sure what he was thinking, but there was something like wonder in his eyes and I was sure the same emotion was reflected in mine. I was in awe of how beautiful he was. He was so alive and human, a blush high on his cheekbones and the pale skin of his chest moving where his heart beat. The line of light red hair extending from the middle of his stomach down led my eye to his arousal and I laughed a little when it twitched.

The blush on his cheeks grew a little darker. "Sorry, I can't really help that."

"I don't mind it." I gave him a reassuring smile, hoping I hadn't embarrassed him too badly. "Come to bed."

He looked grateful not to be under inspection anymore and I scooted back to get under the covers. I raised them, indicating that he should join me underneath them.

"Are you sure you want to be under the covers?"

"Well...yeah. I think it might be better with our temperature difference. I don't want you to get too cold."

"Okay, well, I'm not sure that will be a problem, but we can start under them at least," he said, sliding in next to me. I put the covers over him, making sure he was covered all the way.

It was different, somehow, knowing that we would be having sex this time. The feel of his skin sliding against mine sent an almost electric shock charging through me, pulsing like a live wire. I gripped his shoulder, bringing him down on top of me and bending my leg around him. He was so warm to the touch, all the points of contact between us heating me up in a way that had me moving my hips, trying to find him. I felt the head of his arousal brush against me and we both moaned.

"Are you sure, Bella?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Of course I'm sure, Edward. I love you." I paused, struggling to understand the sudden apprehension in his eyes. "Are you sure? Because...we don't have to if you don't want to."

"Oh no, believe me, I want to. Very much," he stated, pushing his hips forward just a fraction. "I'm just a little nervous."

"I'm nervous, too," I said, petting his face softly with the back of my hand. "But it'll be okay. We're meant to be together. Forever." I said the last part uncertainly, not sure if the events of the day had changed his mind at all. I would not have been surprised at all if seeing what vampires were really capable of had made him think twice about becoming one.

He smiled widely, though, and I breathed a little easier. "Yes, forever." He leaned forward, kissing my lips. He straightened his body on top of mine, pulling his knees up slightly. He reached a hand down between us, touching me gently, before gripping himself and guiding the head of his erection into me. He returned his hand to rest above us, his other one gripping the sheets next to my head. He looked into my eyes as he slowly pushed forward, filling me completely. He whimpered slightly and I panicked for a moment, inadvertently tensing around him, causing a strangled groan to escape his mouth.

"Are you okay? How does it feel?" I couldn't concentrate on anything but Edward's face, the feeling of him inside me for the first time taking a backseat to the thoughts of whether something was wrong. His eyebrows were scrunched together, his bottom lip between his teeth and his breath ragged. My fear grew when he didn't answer immediately. "Edward?" I asked, shifting slightly under him.

"Don't. Don't move. Please. Just hold still."

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I held as still as I could, not even breathing. "Am I hurting you?" I blurted out, unable to help myself.

He opened his eyes, laughing a laugh that was tinged with hysteria. "No, God, no, Bella. You're not hurting me at all. If anything it feels a little too good."

Oh. I couldn't help the smile of smug satisfaction that crept onto my face. "Are you...going to be okay?" Now that I knew I wasn't actively hurting him, I found the situation just the tiniest bit amusing.

"Yes, I think I've got the situation under control. I'm trying to think about other things."

"Okay, good. Just...whenever you're ready, do what feels right."

He was still for another moment or two, but then he pulled out part of the way and thrust back in, letting out a groan and closing his eyes again. I scooted my hips forward, trying to remember not to squeeze too hard with my thighs against his hips. He seemed to find a rhythm after that, pulling out about half way and then thrusting quickly back in. I found that I was too concentrated on his movements to find any real pleasure in the first few minutes, but when he leaned his weight onto one side and took my breast into his hand, pinching the nipple as he thrust, I felt the first jolt of real pleasure. He kept the same rhythm, twisting and pulling on my nipple as he thrust in and out of me. I concentrated on the feeling of warmth from where we were connected. I could feel all of him inside of me, the heat growing between us and filling me from the inside, radiating out from my pelvis.

I arched my back and it created a new angle and I cried out, for the first time in my existence as a vampire feeling too warm. Edward lowered his head, his back bowing out to reach my nipple with his mouth. The warmth from his mouth and the warmth of him inside me was getting to be too much to handle and I could feel myself start to spasm around him. He let go of my nipple with his mouth, breathing hotly onto it for a moment, compounding the feeling of warmth on my skin and inside of me.

His thrusts were going faster, becoming choppier. "Bella, I can't hold out much longer. Can you...come? Please."

"Yes, just touch me, please, please, please." I realized I was begging, probably sounding entirely too desperate. I opened my eyes, just in time to see him put his thumb in his mouth before trailing his hand between us and pressing his thumb above where we were joined. As soon as he touched me, I saw stars behind my eyes, and after a few moments of rubbing, the warmth shot down through my legs and back up, building and building until I cried out, clenching around Edward.

I felt Edward twitch inside me, again and again, the look on his face as he came a sight I would not forget for an eternity. His mouth was hanging open, his eyes looking into mine with such wonder and confusion that I felt my eyes tear up a little.

He put his head in the crook of my neck, his breath returning to normal after a few minutes.

"That…was amazing," he muttered.

"Yeah?" I asked nervously, petting his sweat-drenched hair back.

"Yeah. Completely. Better than I thought it'd be, which is saying something."

"It wasn't too…cold?" I realized how stupid that sounded as soon as it left my mouth but I couldn't help it, but I was still a little miffed when he laughed softly. It was a natural question, wasn't it? There were fundamental differences between us that needed to be addressed. The least he could do was take it seriously.

"No, you were definitely was not too cold. If anything, I think it helped, you know, with my performance." He lifted his head, giving me a self-deprecating look and I smiled up at him.

"Well, I guess that's good." I wiggled my shoulders a little and he rolled off me, laying back on the bed.

"I'm sweaty. Wanna take a shower with me?"

"Um…sure, I guess," I said, feeling a little shy about it. The desire to see Edward wet was overpowering any natural shyness I might have had, though.

"Give me a minute to start the shower and stuff, then come in?" he said, hopping up and going into the bathroom.

I laid there for a moment, trying to think about what had just occurred. I decided that it was the absolute right decision. Maybe it was too fast after the confrontation with the nomads, but I didn't care. It was right for us and that was all that mattered.

I heard the shower start and I crossed the room at my natural speed, arriving through the door in less than a second. Edward jumped a little, shaking his head at me.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to your speed." He had his hand stuck under the spray of water, testing its temperature.

"You will one day. Probably when you have the same speed yourself," I said, rocking back on my heels a little, not quite sure where I was supposed to be looking. I decided that a crack in the drywall was really interesting in that moment.

"Bella."

"Hmmm?" I glanced at him and quickly looked away.

"Why aren't you looking at me?" His expression was torn between amusement and confusion. I shrugged, not really sure what to say, but I turned my face toward him and attempted to look only into his eyes. He smirked at me. "Feeling shy?"

"Yeah, I guess."

He pulled me into a hug, petting my hair and making me feel comfortable. I heard a short laugh come from him and felt his chest move suddenly, so I looked up. "What's so funny?"

"Well…it's just…you had no problem during sex, but you get shy afterwards. I think it's cute."

I felt that peculiar feeling of wanting to blush but not being able to and I ducked my head to press my cheek against his chest. "Shut up."

He laughed even more at that and let go of me, stepping into the shower. He tugged on my hand and I joined him in the shower. We spent a few minutes in silence, washing our own various body parts as we saw fit. I was unashamedly ogling certain parts of Edward's wet body, but I grew concerned when his face became more and more pensive as the minutes passed. He glanced at me, his eyebrows coming together. I worried that he was becoming angry about what had happened in the woods. I knew we couldn't ignore that elephant in the room forever and was glad that we had, at least, had the short reprieve in the bedroom.

I decided to bite the bullet and dive straight in. "Edwa-"

"Bella," he said at the same time. He paused, waiting for me to continue.

"Er…you go first."

"Okay. I…I think this might be a bit of an awkward thing to ask, but, well, I was wondering." He paused again and the suspense was killing me.

"And?"

"And…I mean, had you ever had sex before?" The way he phrased the question gave me pause. The look on his face suggested that the answer to this question was of great importance.

"I have had sex before," I said, his face falling slightly, "but not in a long time. In fact, not since I was human." He seemed to perk up a bit at that, but still seemed troubled. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It's stupid." He looked away, focusing a tad too intensely on pouring shampoo into his hand. "I was just hoping that I was your first," he mumbled, turning a bright shade of red.

I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around his waist and scattering kisses across his chest. "You may not have been the first, but you are far and away the most important," I said, with all the sincerity that I felt. He nodded, smiling just a little. "And besides, you'll be the very last, so you win anyway." He laughed huskily, his smiling stretching across his face. God, it was such a charming smile. I just had to kiss it, so I did.

I broke away from him a minute later, glad to see that he seemed slightly stunned by the kiss. He was still holding up his hand that was full of shampoo, so I grabbed his hand and plopped it onto his hair, the shampoo dribbling down his head. That snapped him out of it and he began massaging the shampoo into his hair, all the while looking down at me intensely. "We need to shower together more often."

I giggled at his earnestness. "Any time you want."

Again, we were silent for a few minutes and as we began to rinse off, a sudden thought stunned me into stillness and I immediately understood why Edward had been so concerned earlier. I didn't even try to play it cool, instead just blurting out the question, "Did you have sex with Lauren?"

"No," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, okay…cool." The relief I felt was acute and I was sure that it showed all over my face.

"I love you, awkward, sexy girl," he said, pulling me into another hug and kissing me on the forehead.

"I love you, too," I mumbled, feeling a little silly, but happy that I would, in fact, be the only woman to ever have sex with Edward Masen.

His hands were rubbing at my back, going lower and lower with each pass and he was pushing his hips into me. I had a pretty good idea of where this was going, so I wasn't surprised by his next question.

"So…do you want to have sex again?"

Looked like we wouldn't be talking about that elephant for a while.


	24. Chapter 24

Edward slept late the next morning, dark circles under his eyes, having only gotten about three hours of sleep. I couldn't even feel bad, mostly because I still felt so good about what had kept him up.

Sex.

Sex with my mate.

Really mind-blowing sex.

If he hadn't been so awful at lying to me, I might have suspected that he wasn't really a virgin. I was also pretty sure that he was only a virgin in so far as he had never had sex with Lauren or anyone else, not in the sense that he was inexperienced or innocent. I imagined that two young people dating for two years had probably gotten around to trying out a lot of different things. I tried not to think too much about that possibility, mostly because I would probably destroy property if I spent much more time thinking about that subject.

Still, I seemed to be reaping the benefits of his experience, so I was determined not to dwell on it. Now that I knew the full power of having sex with my mate, I reflected that I was glad I'd never tried to do something as silly as seducing some random guy to get a quick fix. Sleeping with my mate made the notion of being with someone else seem absolutely ridiculous.

Edward smiled up at me, his eyes still mostly closed. Just as soon as he had lifted his head, it fell back down to the pillow again and he began breathing heavily, his mouth going slack. He was too cute.

I pushed on his shoulder a little, whispering his name, trying to get him to wake up. We had school in an hour and we both desperately needed another shower. Apparently, stickiness was one of those things we were going to have to get used to now that sex was going to be a regular feature of our relationship. Edward stirred again, mumbling about not wanting to get up and go to school.

"We have to go to school."

"No, we don't." He pushed himself up onto his elbows, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. "We can just stay in bed all day." He hugged his pillow and snuggled his face into the soft material. Jealous of a pillow. What had my life come to?

"While that sounds wonderful, we have to go. Jasper, Alice, and I have already missed a day in the middle of the week and it would look suspicious if we skipped again and you were missing too."

"Don't use your logic on me, it won't work," he muttered, pressing his face into the pillow until his words were muffled. After a moment, he pretended to snore loudly.

"Edward! Stop it," I half-laughed, half-scolded him. I pushed on his hip, sliding his lower body across the bed but he refused to open his eyes, although I could see a small smile tugging at the corner of his lip. I had to resort to desperate measures. "We can take another shower together..."

Edward's head popped up, a goofy grin on his face. "Alright!" he exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes at him and hopped out of bed to go turn on the shower. He trudged in after me as I was getting it warm and he pulled me into a hug, kissing the side of my face and smiling a happy smile. It was lovely, having him happy again. He pulled back and stepped into the shower, where he promptly yelped.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a little panicked, but not too worried. How much trouble could he get into in a shower with me standing a foot away?

"Just a little hot," he said, adjusting the temperature.

"I'm sorry," I said, kicking myself for not having him check it first.

"It's okay," he said. "No harm, no foul."

I stepped in as well, chewing on my lip nervously. We washed in silence for a moment, before I mumbled, "So, are we okay?"

"What do you mean? About the shower? Yeah, it's fine. It wasn't even that hot."

I huffed a bit, mostly at myself for not being clearer. "No, I meant, with all the stuff that was said and everything that happened. In the woods, you know?"

"Oh, that." He thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I think so. Do you think we're okay?"

"I guess so. I...guess I'm just worried that what happened in the woods is going to...I don't know...make things strained between us. I mean, I know we're going to stay together and all of that, but I think I'm just worried." I paused, frustrated with myself. "I realize I'm not making any sense and, well, I'm sorry about that, too."

"It's okay. I know what you mean. I think it probably will be a little strange for a while, but we'll get past it."

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked anxiously. I felt a desperate need to assure him that I would be willing to listen to whatever he needed to say.

He sighed, but he didn't sound angry. Resigned, perhaps? "Not really. I think we will talk about it in depth, eventually, but I don't know how much I have to say about it right now, you know? It's all a little fresh. I think I just want to move past it and forget about it for a while."

I frowned at him. I didn't know much about human psychology, but Edward's reluctance to express his feelings about what had happened worried me. I could see him easily slipping into a deep brood, like the one he seemed to have occupied before I had met him. I remembered his melancholy expression from when I first saw him and I didn't want a return of it. But I couldn't force him, so I only nodded. "Whenever you want to talk, just please, let me know. You can always talk to me. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I do know that." He leaned down to give me a peck on the mouth and we continued our shower in silence.

I still felt unsettled, but I didn't want to keep bugging him about it. That would only drive him away.

We made small talk as we got dressed and I felt lucky that I had left some clothes over at Edward's house that he had kindly washed for me last night.

He grabbed something to eat for the road and we took his Volvo to school. There was something so mundane and routine about coming to school. It was a little comforting, but I wanted to laugh at how much Edward and I had gone through in the time since we had last seen our classmates. Edward caught me smiling as we pulled into the school parking lot and he grinned widely at me.

"I think your eyes are really beautiful when they're golden like that."

"You do?"

"Of course. I like them when they're black too though. You look dark and mysterious, which is pretty hot."

I laughed at that. "There really isn't that much mystery to me, Edward."

He laughed harder than I had. "Nothing mysterious about you? Really? Other than the fact that you're a vampire. No, that's not mysterious at all."

"Hmm...I suppose that's true," I mused, a mischievous smile on my face.

"See, I like them when they're golden because they look like they're dancing when you smile at me."

I turned my face away from, feeling shy at his words, knowing I would be blushing if I was able.

He continued, "I also like them when they're in between. They almost look brown, which makes you look, at least, a little human. Makes me feel like you're somewhere in the vicinity of my league. Most of the time, I wonder what the hell you're doing with me at all."

I looked over at him, incredulous that he would ever think that I was out of his league. He looked like he was still teasing a little, but I could tell he was serious too. "How about we eliminate the leagues? Or we can make a new league! There are only two teams in this new league. Team Bella and Team Edward." I snapped my fingers like I'd just had the most brilliant idea ever and he laughed.

"I like the idea of a Bella and Edward-only league." A devilish grin spread across his face. "I wouldn't mind rounding the bases with you any time, if you know what I mean."

"Oh please, Edward. Get out of the car before this turns really ridiculous," I said, trying my hardest not to giggle and let on that I found him hilarious. Not to mention the idea of rounding the bases with him again sounded like a very good idea.

I stepped out of the car, just as Alice whipped around the corner and into the parking space next to me, causing me to flinch a little. I could see her laughing uproariously behind the steering wheel and I wondered how long she had that particular maneuver planned out. Jasper and Alice got out of the car, with Alice still chuckling at her own antics.

"I tried to convince her not to do it, Bella, but you know she won't listen to reason," Jasper called from the other side of the car. I shrugged, not particularly minding that Alice had a bit of fun. She deserved it. I was just happy to see her happy again.

Edward was busy getting his bag out of the backseat of his car, so Jasper took the opportunity to come and talk to me.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, looking into my eyes with an intensity that made me lean back a little.

"Um…you tell me, Jasper."

"You seem apprehensive. Slightly worried." I nodded my head. "About Edward, I presume?" I nodded my head even harder. "Hmm…for what it's worth, he seems okay. Fairly calm, a little nervous. Nothing too out of the ordinary."

"He's not mad at me? Or frustrated? Or upset? Or…anything?" I trailed off, unable to think of any more negative emotions that Edward might be feeling.

"Nope," he said. He slapped me on the back and Jasper walked around the car to talk to Edward.

Alice was left standing next to me and she gave me a significant look.

"What?" I asked, weary of what that look might mean.

"So...I was just wondering how things are going. You know, between you and Edward. Pretty big things have happened in the last day or so." She raised her eyebrows, giving me a conspiratorial smile.

"Things?"

"Yeah, the sex? The almost getting killed? Have you talked to him about everything?" I rolled my eyes at Alice's priorities.

"No, not at all. He doesn't want to talk about it. I'm afraid he's bottling it all up inside and he's going to hold it all against me."

"Gee...that doesn't sound familiar at all." The sarcasm in her voice earned her a glare from me.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh come on, Bella. That kind of behavior doesn't remind you of yourself? You've always been a closed book, at least to me and the rest of the family. Never knowing what you were thinking. Hardly ever knowing what you would do next, even as a psychic. You're an enigma, Bella Cullen." She gave me a firm pat on the back, along with a tight smile before walking away. I could tell she wasn't being too serious or trying to make me feel bad, but I could recognize the truth in her statement. I couldn't fault her for it. Edward was a private person, like I was. I always hated when the Cullens harped on me about how I was feeling and what I was thinking and I didn't want to do the same to Edward.

Jasper, Alice and Edward were talking on the other side of the car and I watched them for a long moment, happy at how well they all seemed to get along and I resolved to let the sleeping dog of what happened in the forest lie, at least for the time being. Edward was right, we would eventually talk about it and rushing it would cause us nothing but more grief. We were strong enough to survive the minor disturbance of the encounter with James and Victoria and we would only continue to get stronger.

I loved him too much for anything else to happen.

Edward turned his head suddenly, looking back as he held his hand out to me. He smiled, one side of his mouth coming up a little higher than the other and I knew it was just for me. He nodded his head for me to come to him and I smiled at him, walking around the car to duck under his arm and press into his side. He squeezed my shoulder and gave me an easy kiss on the forehead, like he had been doing it for years, while continuing to talk with Alice and Jasper. The familiarity of the moment warmed my still heart and I had hope that this was the way our lives would be from now on. I could see the long years stretching out before us, Edward and I, together, forever, smiling and laughing with the family.

Alice's eyes lit up and she glanced sharply at me, a questioning but ecstatic look on her face. Jasper was looking intensely at his mate, obviously sensing her emotions. When he saw that she was staring at me, he turned his gaze to me as well. "What's going on?" he asked, already smiling from the contact high of Alice's emotions.

"She's staying," she said, turning to Jasper. "You're staying. You're not going to leave," she said through her large smile, her hands gripping my arm to the point of pain.

"I'm not?" I asked, not realizing that I had actually made a decision strong enough to affect her visions.

"You're staying?" Edward asked, confused by what was going on. "What does that mean?"

"I guess it means that, if you want, we're going to be sticking with the Cullens for a little while after graduation." Alice clapped and hopped up and down. Apparently, she was unable to contain her excitement. I smiled at her, addressing my next words to her.

"We're family, after all."

"Sounds good to me," Edward said, smiling a small smile to himself. The bell rang and he pulled me forward into the building. As the four of us walked in together, I felt myself shift back toward the center and I smiled along with him.

**The End**

**There will be at least one future one-shot that will include Edward's change. **

**I would like to thank jesslikescoffee, sleepyval, laura_vee, athenajean, dragonsexist, farkle, tragicallyepic, jenndur, emdempster, makingmywayhome and everyone else who has ever talked to me about, listened to me fret about, told me they liked, told me that they hated or said anything at all to me about RS, BS. **

**The biggest thanks, though, goes to my readers. I expected maybe 200 reviews total. Not even kidding. Somehow I got so many more and even more readers than that and I appreciate it so much. **

**Please leave me a review for this chapter. Let me know what you thought. Thank you all and goodnight.**


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